If Im going to mess up, it will likely be after night game

So if anyone here has been following my journal, you will see that I have a lot of posts along the lines of "Went out to some bars and clubs and then had intense cravings when I came home, bla bla bla"

I noticed that I do not process night game well despite the fact that I have a lot of experience with it throughout the years. My level of mastery with night game is terrible especially in the US where I find the experience to be crap compared to other countries.

I don't want to shit on the scene out here cuz Im sure many excell and find it enjoyable and to be fair, I've had some lays in the past but overall I don't like it and I find myself quite intimidated out here,

When I come home, I usually feel weak and vulnerable and in need of some self medication. I think Im trying to numb the after effects of the intense emotions I feel throughout the experience which are usually a mix of desire, aversion, intimidation, vulnerability, despair and anxiety. I prefer day game a lot more and find it much easier to process and much more enjoyable, night game is cut throat and overhwelms me but my friends love night game for some reason and I find myself sucked in all the time...

Im doing well with no pmo these days again but if i mess up in the near future, it could very well be during one of these post night game periods...

As of now, I do have some mitigations in place. For one, I did tell my friends that I didn't like night game and they seemed to respect it but that doesn't change the fact that they pressure me into going. Also, I am pretty good about not drinking too much and not staying out too late which helps stabilize the emotions a bit better. I think the solution is that I need to be more ruthless with my decision to limit night game or come up with some kind of post night game processing ritual to ensure that I don't get into a downward spiral...

 

And thats exactly what happened today. I went out, did some night game, didn't process it too well, felt like i was under pressure and did PMO, fuck.