If you are a new Guests and other Fappers - Read This

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Timeon, Mar 1, 2018.

  1. Timeon

    Timeon Fapstronaut

    I will keep this simple.

    To all you fappers out there (Especially guests on this forum). If you want to make a change in your life, DO IT NOW. Don’t wait tomorrow because tomorrow will turn to weeks, weeks to months and then months to years. There is a saying, the best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, the 2nd best time is today.

    Just so you know, it is possible and a lot of people on this forum (me included) are living examples who are going through the same struggles as you, but made a decision to stop because porn destroyed our lives. Whether you are 1 month into porn or 50 years into porn and feel guilty of it and CAN NOT STOP; Remember this. You will not quit unless you make the conscious decision to stop. Because it is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result.

    Porn and Masturbation is not real sex. When the subject of sex comes up, the church shames it, the world perverts it, but God created it to be beautiful.
  2. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    A realization that I had the other day is that...there is no such thing as 'soon', or 'eventually'. The only moment we ever have is right now.

    Keeping those words in your vernacular only serve to feed your procrastination habits. The more I put something off, the easier it is to keep putting it off again and again. The more you use 'eventually', there will always be an 'eventually'. You know, this magical time of 'eventually' which doesn't exist, but in which everything will get done!
    Timeon likes this.
  3. I have been a world class procrastinator all my life. It certainly applied to masturbation and porn addiction. I remember extensively journal writing about the issue 32 years ago. I never really got a handle on it, even though at the time, I congratulated myself for determining that my masturbation compulsion was harming me. I guess I somehow thought that knowing that would magically cause me to stop. 35 years later, still at it. Putting it off is capable of doing this.

    Now, I have found an array of things that help, one of which is apropos to this discussion. I stumbled into a technique while watching Ted Talks on youtube in order to deal with porn addiction. It goes like this for me: When I have an urge or compulsion, I say to myself "I notice I am feeling the urge to masturbate". This provides a little bit of space for me to inject the question: "What do I want? Do I want to let my brain secrete the four chemicals that will cause me to bond with the object of my sexual stimulation, and bond with a fantasy? Or do I want to learn what it is like to bond with my wife? Do I want to continue on a path that is already leading to clearer thinking, more confidence, more enjoyment of regular stuff? Or do I want to throw it away and writhe in pain from the shame?" Now of course at this point, those questions happen in shorthand. The point I am making here is that my ability to ask these questions comes from the initial noticing. When I say it provides "space", I mean this: It provides an opening into which the frontal lobe can intervene when the limbic brain just wants to jerk off. The other important thing it does is OWN the urge, rather then fear it, avoid, or deny it. This also makes everything present moment, most importantly.

    This has been such a useful tool for me that I have seen that my number of days in abstinence to be not a goal. I don't even see it as motivation. What I am doing is in the right here, right now mode. Because that is where I need to be, not thinking about far off goals, somehow believing (deluding myself?) that when I (fill in the blank) I will be okay. I am MUCH happier using this method, and MUCH stronger.

    Here is the Ted Talk video in which I learned it. You may be underwhelmed, because it seems like such a little thing, such a small technique, but I suppose a little bitty tugboat is capable of causing a large ship to change direction, too.
    Kris456 likes this.

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