If you are so committed to quitting this crap for your SO, why don't you use porn filters???

Never do it for someone else. You have to do it for yourself. Why? the second she piss you off you are going to relapse, your motivation to quit is going to evaporate. Everything in your life should be done because you want it that way for you to be a better person or more proud or happier about you.

Blockers is a way to make it a little harder to relapse, but they are not perfect. The person that wants to relapse is going to find the way to go around it. Is not sustainable in time, if you want to quit you are going to do it with or without the blockers. So I don't use them.

 

You’re absolutely right, filters are a good tool for those who really want to quit. They give you a time buffer. Unfortunately many times it is the so who insists on a filter to try and feel safe, not understanding that filters are easy to get around if the addict really wants to. I also believe that at some point in recovery filters should no longer be needed. Like a recovering alcoholic who at some point can go to a party with alcohol and be ok.

 

Understanding that the choices we make cause trauma for our SO is not the same as quitting for them.

I think having an outside mindset, meaning viewing the world outside of yourself, helps recovery dramatically. Early in my recovery I was completely inward, trying to fix myself, and that caused more problems.

Relying on someone else for your recovery will never work. There was a long period of time that my wife was the one finding the help, finding the podcasts, the therapists, the coaches, the material I needed to be finding myself. That didn't work either. I needed to do the work myself. Once I took that responsibility over by simply doing it so she didn't have to, real recovery began.

The single best thing I ever did was work with a sex addiction coach that helped me transform my thinking.

The second best thing I ever did was research the link between sex trafficking and the pornography industry.

 

Filters are simply a “first line of defense.” Ultimately you have to change the behavior of use porn. Staying off devices, having interests outside of digital world, feeding the mind and body good stuff, actively working on recovery—these are the things that allow you to eventually beat it.

 

Understanding deeply what your SO feels when you choose to look at other naked bodies rather than their's is extremely important. And sitting with that understanding every single day, while also putting yourself in their shoes. How many hours do we put into watching people act like they are enjoying sex? How much time do we spend fantasizing and engaging in pleasures without our SO? Whatever the amount, taking the time to find their hurt and feeling it for a comparable amount of time is essential.

The other thing is to recognize that when we heal ourselves we automatically heal our SO.

 

I agree with this. If you are affecting other person because of your addiction you should stop doing it or at least have the decency to get away from them for a time to avoid hurting them even further.

There's no magic pill for all of us. Each of us need to find the way to reach our goal.

In my case, I'm still struggling to quit since 2018. But I'm a lot better than then. Because I'm still no cured I reframing myself from dating until I get better.

For me at least I figured out that I need to fix 3 problems.
1- Porn: When 2 happens, I rely on porn to make it interesting, turn me on and to get away of that bad feeling.
2- Excessive masturbation (once a day): Is the result of been uncomfortable with some feeling. It can be boredom, loneliness, anxiety or feeling down. I barely do it because I get horny or insomnia.
3- Dead grip(tight grip and no lubrication): When I do 2, I'm not that horny so I need to use this technique to be able to reach and orgasm.

My plan is as follow...
All of that is forbidden, but I allow myself to M once or twice a week. I'm only allowed to do it with lubrication and a soft grip. I'm only allowed to think about real people I dated or are currently in my life.
If I can do this for at least a month then is time for me to open up to dating and start to replace those 1.. 2 sessions of masturbation with real sex for the final stage of recovery.

I already tried nofap hardmode, softmode, only fapping once a week with porn or without porn. None of those worked. After all of that experience in the last 3 years is how I came to this plan. It basically attacks what I think is wrong with me and want to fix but keeping the masturbation habit that I think that is healthy if you do it with moderation, lube and with soft grip until you can have real sex.
You are not always going to have some woman in your life to have sex with, so building a habit of healthy masturbation is a must for me.

Good luck in your journey!