I'm 30 years old, and since I was 12, I've been addicted to pornography. From the age of 18, my addiction deepened to the point where I could spend up to 8 hours a day watching porn, it's true. On average, I spent 3-4 hours each day watching pornography and practiced something called 'edging' throughout these sessions. I spent from age 18 to 30, EVERY DAY, like this.
For the past 6 years, my mental and physical health has been deteriorating more and more. Currently, I'm dealing with symptoms such as constant severe fatigue, depressive episodes, anxiety disorders, lack of motivation for anything sometimes I don't even feel like taking a shower.
I'm constantly tired, I don't feel masculine at all, I feel like a scared child, lacking courage for anything, experiencing symptoms of social phobia, and digestive issues such as heartburn, my stomach feels strange, sometimes diarrhea, nausea.
The doctor concluded that my constant fatigue is inexplicable. He ordered a sleep study, thyroid hormone tests, hormonal tests such as testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, vitamin B12, vitamin D3, iron, heart, liver, kidney, pancreas tests, and many other blood tests, such as HIV, various infectious diseases. I'm healthy, yet I feel like a wreck of a human being.
I know that the extent of my addiction is strange. I don't know if you can imagine it, but truly, over all these years, I haven't had a break longer than two days from watching pornography, and each session lasted a minimum of 2-3 hours, always with edging the whole session.
Once I checked my internet browser history, and within 3 months, I watched almost 5000 pornographic videos, which averages out to 50 videos per day. It terrified me. My sessions were like this: every few seconds or minutes, I would switch from one film to another, searching for a scene or actress that would be sufficiently stimulating, all the while engaging in edging.
I am a wreck of a human being, both physically and mentally. I've tried antidepressant medications, but either they didn't work or exacerbated my symptoms. Is it possible that this addiction caused these symptoms in me? Depression? Social phobia? Anxiety disorders? Constant fatigue? gut problems?
Because all my test results are good, some people think I'm lying.
For the past 6 years, my mental and physical health has been deteriorating more and more. Currently, I'm dealing with symptoms such as constant severe fatigue, depressive episodes, anxiety disorders, lack of motivation for anything sometimes I don't even feel like taking a shower.
I'm constantly tired, I don't feel masculine at all, I feel like a scared child, lacking courage for anything, experiencing symptoms of social phobia, and digestive issues such as heartburn, my stomach feels strange, sometimes diarrhea, nausea.
The doctor concluded that my constant fatigue is inexplicable. He ordered a sleep study, thyroid hormone tests, hormonal tests such as testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, vitamin B12, vitamin D3, iron, heart, liver, kidney, pancreas tests, and many other blood tests, such as HIV, various infectious diseases. I'm healthy, yet I feel like a wreck of a human being.
I know that the extent of my addiction is strange. I don't know if you can imagine it, but truly, over all these years, I haven't had a break longer than two days from watching pornography, and each session lasted a minimum of 2-3 hours, always with edging the whole session.
Once I checked my internet browser history, and within 3 months, I watched almost 5000 pornographic videos, which averages out to 50 videos per day. It terrified me. My sessions were like this: every few seconds or minutes, I would switch from one film to another, searching for a scene or actress that would be sufficiently stimulating, all the while engaging in edging.
I am a wreck of a human being, both physically and mentally. I've tried antidepressant medications, but either they didn't work or exacerbated my symptoms. Is it possible that this addiction caused these symptoms in me? Depression? Social phobia? Anxiety disorders? Constant fatigue? gut problems?
Because all my test results are good, some people think I'm lying.
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