"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? "

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by ImOkYoureOk, Apr 2, 2019.

  1. ImOkYoureOk

    ImOkYoureOk Fapstronaut

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    This RuPaul quote has resonated with me since I was a teen. It's so simple and true.

    Fact, shame is highly correlated with porn addiction.

    My question, is it even possible to love someone if you're experiencing shame? If shame still holds your life hostage, is there even room left for love?
     
  2. mcgrim

    mcgrim Fapstronaut

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    Why wouldn't there be room to Love someone? Shame is experienced by so many for so many different things outside of this poison that if that was the case I wonder if there would be any Love in this world.

    The quote is correct though, if you are so consumed with shame and other negative emotions how can you fully Love another person? You may feel Love but it may not be as deep and as intimate as it could and should be.

    This is just my opinion so please take it as just that.
     
    hope4healing and ImOkYoureOk like this.
  3. ImOkYoureOk

    ImOkYoureOk Fapstronaut

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    Well said, I have felt a lack in closeness. Thank you for responding.
     
  4. 1dayattatime

    1dayattatime Fapstronaut

    Here is how Brene Brown defines love:

    We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection

    Since shame inherently means that we are hiding from vulnerability i think that it affects our ability to love to some degree. I dont believe that your ability to love is an on or off switch though. If our love is something that grows then shame may be weeds that are trying to strangle it.
     
  5. ImOkYoureOk

    ImOkYoureOk Fapstronaut

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    I loved her Ted talk about shame and vulnerability. It really put things into perspective for me. I'm really thankful for people like her, who are passionate about the subject. I believe it has helped people work towards a better self.
     
  6. 1dayattatime

    1dayattatime Fapstronaut

    Yes i love that ted talks! she has spent more time dissecting shame than anyone else I have come across. The gifts of imperfection is almost a how to guide to get out of addiction.
     

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