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Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by alphazingersalsa, Sep 1, 2019.
Oh . Do you mean right after my last DDAY ? I’m sure my stinger came out . I apologize .
....wow. If this isn’t all a GREAT reason to stay true and put family before P, then I don’t know what is. Thank you all for this valuable insight. Mommy and daddy are fighting, May I be excused please
Holy Fuck, I haven't posted in months, and now I find myself doing it twice in as many weeks?
Some of you just need to STFU! Seriously, go get a life somewhere! You know who the you are.
You hijacked @alphazingersalsa's thread to engage in your silly ass debate. Aside from that, you're full of shit. Aside from that, you're gaslighting her.
i'm not going to call you out by name because that would be doxxing, and you do know who you are. And unfortunately for you, we know who you are. One of you have admitted to not being a PA/SA/SO, so it begs the question. WTF are you here? And while I'm asking that question, here is another one. How many women have to tell you "no", "please stop messaging me", and "leave me alone" for you to get it? What part of "NO" don't you understand. Boundaries! Perhaps you would be well advised to learn what they are and what it means, because obviously you don't have the faintest idea.
Troll Much? Your entire dialog reeks of it. You obviously don't know shit about Betrayal Trauma. I'd be surprised if you knew anything about addiction or recovery either.
Consider yourself fortunate. I'm surprised some of these women haven't just chewed you up and spit you out. Most, in case you haven't realized it yet, have just decidedly ignored you. Trolls cannot survive without a captive audience.
Ladies, don't feed the Trolls. When they're starving for attention, they will go seek it elsewhere it is available to them. As for you @alphazingersalsa, I'm hopeful you see right through it for what it is.
Just by you posting you are feeding the so called trolls. And mentioning someone here by their user name isn't doxing. Doxing is when you publicly post someone's real identifying information that you have gleaned from other internet sources. I would know. I've been accused of it here, which makes me laugh. So unless you plan on dropping his real name and address, which would make me wonder how you know it in the first place, you aren't doxxing anyone.
Thanks for your very substantive post, GW, as always lurking in the shadows. I'm sure you scared them all off.
I am not fighting with him
Anymore. It’s not my battle.
He is the one who gets ticked
Off and defensive and sarcastic. To me, he is wreaking of guilt and shame when he does that.
I try to treat him with utMost respect when I can even when he is mean and irritable. Sometimes I feel like a doormat but I know poetic justice will come one day and it’s not up to me
To decide how to “correct” him.
All I can do is pray for
Lol!! Too funny.
For a “not a porn addict” he sure does sound like he has anger management issues
He doth protest too much.
Maybe those with longevity can lead the way on how we can be a helpful and healing group of broken individuals to others with a variety of problems? Instead of demagoguery and tit for tat sniping ?
Just an idea...
Or maybe some of us can have a little fun with the OP in making light of some very unfair and heavy handed comments directed at her. There's no use in arguing or trying to reason with numbers dude. He's clearly not here to hear anyone's opinion except his own, which he insists is fact. He's trying to bully his way through here with venom and malice and no one is having any of it.
Wow! There are some nasty comments on here. Firstly I would like to say be brave! Posting your heart and emotions can attract some negative attention. I don't really know your story but from what I can see, in my personal opinion you need to move on, B line outta there baby, jump on the first train and enjoy your beautiful girl and all the wonderful things in life that await you.
I completely disagree with 2974629562994628. It only takes one person to destroy a marriage, but it takes two to save it! I think the comments were too harsh and insensitive.
I know you would love things to work it out, and I can't say they won't but life can be so bloody tough and cruel. I really feel for you, I'm thinking of leaving my BF, but we don't have children...so I have less to worry about. Your hubby or soon to be ex hub lost his privacy privileges when he started lying to you and all the other things I've read. These things go two ways, if he wants trust he needs to build it considering he destroyed it. Of course, giving an opportunity for him to prove trust is needed, but it sounds like your way beyond that now.
If your husband - I say this as it's the case until both papers are signed - does want a divorce then perhaps you may benefit from some counselling to help you through the grieving process. That's what your going through, grief.
Denial and isolation
Also, are you clinically depressed? It's highly likely, this is the father of your child and your likely enraged, desperate and lonely. It's best to tackle any depression head on; for you and your daughter. For your future together.
You probably don't want to hear this but if your husband does want a divorce, it's irrelevant if he's perusing someone else. I know you want to know, I probably would too...but it will only hurt you. It may be more about pride and loss.
However, if your ex is building a relationship with any serious intentions, it becomes your business. As a mother you have every right to know who this person is. Especially if your child will be spending anytime with this person or seeing her father with said person. Although I imagine this will come at a later date.
Try your best to not get bogged down by his life, focus on your own expectations of yourself and your little one.
I've attempted thinking positively about what I'm going to do if and when I leave my BF. I'm going to start working out more (every intention), swimming - because I love it and for some reason I just don't do it anymore! Why not? I'm going to go dancing, I may even try learning ballroom...just because I can! And I may start dating, with no intention of a relationship or for sex, just because I've never bloomin done it. I've always been in long term relationships with someone who was a friend. I've never had an awkward dinner or had a really bad story to tell over a coffee the next day I know you have a little girl, it's awkward to find time for yourself, but please try x
Life will improve, the pain will fade eventually and the sun will always rise above you. Think about who you are? What do you enjoy? Start exercising, break free and have a cocktail....but only one
My empathic side sees him as an addict in the thick of denial who needs help (like my husband).
My bitchy side sees him a crazy mean troll who needs a lot lf therapy. LOL
We all need therapy for something, it's the latest craze! Perhaps he's unhappy or angry. But you don't need to feel this way, you can feel how you want to feel. Anger is a choice. When someone says something spiteful or hurtful - that is their action. You can chose to let that into you and react or let it bounce off - this is your action. It takes practice but I've come to believe it's true.
Marissa Peer may be worth looking into, she's fantastic! x
He might be coming in from the "sperm retention" / ”superpowers" side of the site. So, it's true he might not be a PA....but of course he still should not be shooting his mouth off here.
I think he is off base on the OP's original question. Of course she has the right to know what her husband is doing. Of course, he's also right that she might be better off not knowing too.
Either that or I should just go and harass some other addiction site because that's what the cool kids do.
I only read the original post, and a few comments on the first page.
Let me just say.
He lost his right to privacy the first time he lied to hurt her. He has not had any right to privacy from that point on, unless it was a one time thing and he had made the effort to earn trust in the months or years following.
You don't get to hurt your partner and continuously lie and then demand trust and privacy while you're still actively being a piece of shit. The audacity to think you do says way more about your character than hers.
HE filed for divorce while in denial he did anything to warrant it. He shifted the blame onto her making it seem like she is the reason he wants to end it. Anyone with a brain cell knows this is full blown addict mode and total BS. She snooped through his bag I'm assuming because she now needs that closure and certifiable proof that she isn't crazy and she isn't the problem. He's leaving because he can't be a man not because she's done something wrong. You cannot heal from a toxic relationship believing you imagined the toxicity. That will hijack every single relationship moving forward.
So she found out he's still a lying piece of shit.
Confront him as soon as possible. Call him out. Stand your ground and sign those papers and shove them down his throat. He doesn't get to prance around on his high horse like he's something special anymore. Let him know that the only stupid thing you've done in your life is say "I do". He can screw the whole town, doesn't matter at this point. Why doesn't it matter?
Not because your relationship is over, but because no woman should ever stoop to a level so low as to sleep next to a little boy who thinks lying and playing games is how an adult should behave. Let the next twit deal with all of his drama and lies. Rest easy knowing that no one is going to put up with him. He's in for a very lonely life once you're gone. When and if he ever decides to man up he's going to be hit with a train of hurt and regret while you're off somewhere happy and healed from all of the damage he has caused.
Thank you! This is very validating. I hate to say it the troll actually made me cry for a bit.
I bet he did! It was awful! I was furious, I can't imagine how you felt. Did you smash anything?
I think any so who read what numbers wrote would be triggered. Lol, my first thought was “ here’s a full blown addict in denial” or someone who knows nothing about this addiction and the trauma it causes. I felt for you! Please know, the majority of us understand exactly where you are coming from. Sadly!
I agree but mostly found issue with the way it was said without compassion or empathy. I know I would be devastated if my home were breaking up and I couldn't do anything about it, for myself, and for my daughter. I would probably do a lot of things out of desperation that I might later regret.
@Queenie%Bee said it best and I'm glad she was here to cut through all of that. I hope OP wasn't distraught by what she had to read through to finally get to the help she needed.
Or Drunken stepfather website where
They celebrate their toxic masculinity or “the fappening”
Thanks for being mindful enough to see both sides of the story. Both sides have rights and wrongs, and yet, only the "negative" was focused on, mainly.
Numbers was right, and people failed to see that he cared enough to give the unadulterated truth, albeit harsh, that should have given her the answers that she needed. Not only that, he had patience to continue to try to help
Say what you want, but issues like that shouldn't be tiptoed around. Forget that he wasn't "empathic enough"(a million other people here are "empathic" enough to console her), the truth got out, he said what needed to be said, and moved on. Life happens. Crazy shit happens. We get it, but I'm not gonna say anything else related to this, I'm not confident in the transmutation of a massive collective of senseless hatred.
How long can a dead horse be beaten? Let's find out, NoFap. Wow, wow, wow.