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If you shouldnt see a women has sex objects then teach me the right perception

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Jufddee, Jun 26, 2019.

  1. Ignoring the child example since that's already been addressed, I used my example because I find not knowing what is basic human ethics as a grown person to be almost as or completely as disturbing as a grown person not knowing basic math.
     
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  2. It probably was misunderstood. The phrase "Men were created to serve women" would have negative connotations to it without context.
     
  3. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    I mean sure, it is sad and I can see why it might shock someone (personally I have seen way worse) and no, of course it isn't excatly the same.

    An adult can usually be expected to know certain things whereas the child might not have enough life experience or even brain capacity. In that sense you're right and I never meant to argue against that.

    But oftentimes stupidity of an adult has its roots in lack of development. In that sense they aren't that different from the child. For instance I would bet that pretty much everyone asking how to see women as people has never had much meaningful contact with women. That is if they have had much meaningful social contacts at all. In their social skills and understanding of other people (especially women) they are at the level of a child.

    And that's why I think that the best approach these kind of people is to understand and teach them. Just as you would understand and teach a child eho doesn't understand math. That was my point.

    At this point I'm just ranting without it being directed to anyone, but some people just come from really fucked up backgrounds and as shocking and sad as it can get, I think it's unreasonable to expect people to know things that no one ever taught them. We don't just become complete and stop learning when we reach adulthood and some of us grow up sooner than others. Yet all too often people seem to think that if an adult is lagging behind in development, they are on their own and it's okay to just leave them behind and blame them for not learning things while they were still kids and therefore deserving of help and guidance. Again this last paragraph was just me rambling about how unfair life and people can be and projecting my own insecurities about my social life and (in)ability to create and maintain friend-/relationships.
     
  4. Mr_H_Jekyll

    Mr_H_Jekyll Fapstronaut

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    I agree with what he say. I catch myself looking straight at a women ass or tits when I am walking around without a thought of them as a person. I see his dilemma with seeing a women or a sex object.
     
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  5. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Try to generalize to the level of physical/sensory object. That's still objectification, even if you're looking them in the face or in the eyes.

    Of course there's nothing wrong with sexual connection, but in sometimes with the eyes for example it's a combination of that and emotional connection or something else. People do have a certain look and it may even give you a sense of how they are as a person.

    Anyway my point is when you are not seeing it as object, meaning here's this thing that's separate in space that's actually more intimate in the general sense of intimacy. Like when you're really taking in the cool breeze of a nice day or the sunshine, you're intimate with the environment. There is no need to grasp on to a physical object to feel those things.
     
  6. Ajar

    Ajar Fapstronaut
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    No reason to argue, objectify used in this term is a verb. Hence its an action, the only entities who objectify women are people who directly exploit the sexual nature of women for one benefit or another. Porn industry, magazines aimed towards men, businesses(yea, just go to a local mall, or business, 16% - more likely according to results), as well as women to themselves(booty shorts, and yoga pants).
     
  7. Saying that people serving one another is loving and saying men were created to protect and serve women have totally different meanings.
     
  8. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Sex object.

    An object viewed or treated as a means of obtaining sexual gratification.

    You can view and treat others that way if you want, but just like with a sex toy or porn, you won't build intimacy / connection / relationship / growth / any sort of fulfillment with that person.

    It's up to you how you want to live and treat others, but since you're on a community called nofap, I'm assuming that's not what you want. You want something better / real / with more substance out of your life and relationships.

    It's okay to want to have sex with someone. To be attracted to someone. To check out someone's body. The difference would be that you're also interested in other areas concerning that person.

    If you were to base someone's self worth just on their physical attributes, you would most likely invite a lot of people that aren't good for you into your life. People who can see beyond physical attributes and are interested beyond the superficial aspects are able to screen people better. They're attracted to someone's substance rather than just the surface level stuff.

    Like with PMO, it looks / feels great in the short term, but is that really benefiting your life in the long term?

    Learning to socialize better / take more risks / develop your reality doesn't really look or feel great in the short term, but the long term outcomes is definitely better.

    There's a lot of women I would like to have sex with if I just looked at their physical attributes, but if I wanted to better my life and create real relationships I would be interested to know if their personality is actually worth my time.

    Using someone like a sex object and casting them aside like a used sex toy has its own consequences and it's up to you if that's how you want to live your life.
     
  9. gandu_

    gandu_ Fapstronaut

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    People take this too deep, truth is men need to have sex and we are literally wired to think in my opinion the most beautiful being on earth is a woman so yes you will have lusting thoughts but it's normal and part of being a man.

    Just remember to be respectful and not a creepy perv, treat women you dont know with respect as you would to anyone else. It's not a big deal if you think perverted stuff sometimes we're not perfect :)
     
  10. Virility

    Virility New Fapstronaut

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    think of it like this when a person is 6 or 8 and there with other kids around that age how many of them view each other as sex objects? I would say probably under any normal circumstances none of them. I have never had much interaction with women in my life but the most interaction I did have was before PMO when I was a kid there were several periods of time I got close to other female kids and I never thought about sex or anything like that but there was something nice there and something potentially beautiful there. You talk to them like a person you see there personality and inner self more clearly you look at more of what they are then what they appear to be there’s more to life then outer appearances. A persons worldview and beliefs personality there heart and intelligence there drive and motivations in life. If you find someone that has those inner qualities that match you might find yourself loving them much more then another women that just appears better. Life is much more then just sex and women are much more then how hard your dick gets at first glance.
     
  11. Naranja Mecánica

    Naranja Mecánica Fapstronaut

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    Let's agree to disagree.
     
  12. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    I don't doubt you when you say you didn't mean it that way, but saying men were created to protect and serve women does come off as you considering men as lesser beings who ought to act as slaves to their queens. Maybe we could have been able to reaf between the lines what you meant by saying that if we lived in a sensible world where most of the people believed in actual equality, but unfortunately there are so many people who believe in superiority of one sex over another that it's easy to assume the worst when someone says something that could be interpreted that way.
     
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  13. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    The correct perception of any human being is that of love.

    Anything that falls short of this is a violence to their humanity. This is why viewing a person as a sexual object is wrong. When we do that, we orient their entire being towards the fulfillment of our selfish desires.

    It’s like thinking a car is hot for how fast it can go and for how sleek its lines are. That perception is all about what the car can do for me. The truth is there is so much more to a car than how it looks and drives. What about the lightweight chassis that had to trade durability for performance? She may seem fun, but she also needs a lot of care.

    That’s the perception of love. It’s looking deeply into the other person to see how they work and asking the important questions like, “what can I do to help them?” It’s knowing what the problems are. It’s getting into the difficult and uncomfortable parts of a relationship that are going to cost you personally, and having a hearty grin on your face because you are in it 100% because you love them for them and not for what they make you feel like.

    Seeing someone as a sexual object shortcuts all that and puts the person in a place where they have to act in the role of an object for human attention. It is dehumanizing. In the least, it communicates that the person is valued for qualities that are superficial (which is still damaging).

    The intricacies of this thing would take books to properly explain, but the core of it is simple: love
     
  14. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    The thing is lust has multiple definitions. There are positive and negative definitions of lust.
     
  15. Getempowered83

    Getempowered83 Fapstronaut

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    I can advise that try looking the girl same way as she was boy or the same sex of yours. I mean we are only attracted and attached with opposite sex, when you look the same reflection of your sex it won't be a object of sexual gratification. It will appear a same human being as you are.
     
  16. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Yes. I do this. It works. Even if i notice women, i look away and don't stare. I believe every time i do this it makes me that much stronger.
     
  17. Naranja Mecánica

    Naranja Mecánica Fapstronaut

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    I understand what you say, especially that last part is true. Sad but true.
     
  18. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    I'd recommend you start lookinh them to eyes instead. In the long run you want to get a girlfriend, yes? If you get to the habit of not being able to even look at women, you'll have difficult time connecting with them. Not staring random women's breasts is good, but being affraid to even look towards a girl is not healthy. You are not getting to the point where you would see them as people, but to the point where you are excluding them from your life altogether. They don't want that, I bet you don't want that, I'd suggest you don't do that. Next time you see a woman, don't look away, make an eye contact.
     
  19. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I'm married (we are not sexually active but are still lovingly connected through gentle non-sexual intimacy) but the urge to search out in lust is still present. I don't want it to be there anymore yet it remains. I do my best to see every other woman as my sister. Lust is ever present beneath my conscious surface.
     

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