Im 15 and discovered nofap

Hi! I’m 15 y/o right now and I’ve discovered porn at a young age of 11. It has affected me and my growth and has made me quite an insecure person despite me being outgoing. In seventh grade I had something going on with this one girl, or so I thought untill he cuddled with one of my good friends. I was heartbroken and didn’t know how to cope with it and I didn’t really have anyone to talk to, so I decided to turn to porn and alcohol (which shouldn’t be normal at the age of 12). Everything started going downhill, I lost many friends, skipped school and my grades started dropping and my relationship with my family collapsed completely. Eight grade is a blur to me, but atleast I got better grades. I wasn’t happy at all with my self tho. On my summerbreak I didn’t really do anything I normally enjoy, just drank alcohol and I was pretty out of shape. At the end of the summerbreak I saw a post about selfcare or something like that. I had gone 2 nights without sleeping and came from my backyard where I was smoking a cig at 4am. I broke down crying and that’s when I knew I needed a change. I started with getting a gym membership, deleting tiktok and gave my body the nutrients that I desperately needed. That’s when I first discovered nofap. My longest streak right now is something like 3weeks, I know I can do better, but after Christmas I’ve been procrastinating and fapping, partly because my cat died. I’ve also drank alcohol, even tho I said to myself that I wouldn’t. These few weeks I’ve been binge relapsing and avoiding my responsebilities. I want to make a change, and it starts now. Wish me luck

EDIT: Thanks for all the support you gave me, I was just stressing out about schoolstuff and future and thought what is the point of this nofap anyway, then after those comments I realised that it will be temporary and it will go away eventually if I just get exercise and nutrients. Im lucky that I have people to talk to.

 

Here in Finland it’s actually quite usual for teens (age 15 and higher) to drink and I don’t have any problems with alcohol anymore, but since I started so young it affected my life back then so much that I am still filling in those gaps.

 

Currently im experiencing really scary flatline, I’m starting to see that all my friends are fake, I even started losing my best friend when I was going through so many flatlibes n

Now I’ll update yall since im going through major flatline. I’m starting to realise that the vast majority of my friends aren’t even my friends. I know their intentions. I know some of them don’t want me to succeed, because they’ve tried themself and haven’t. I’ve been even a little depressed these past 2 months. I had this girl who I was interested in, but not even in her personality, I met her with all the lust in my eyes. She was a target to me. It was the comfort that she gave me. Had a rough day at school and pushed yourself to failure at gym? Go to her place, watch nf and cuddle. Don’t feel confident in yourself? Go to her place and cuddle, she will bring you the love that you’ve always searched for in yourself. I wasn’t loyal to her. I went to another girl’s place and we tonguekissed and watched netflix. After I did that, the same girl that I cheated on her with (even tho we weren’t offical), drove me to her place with her moped. I know myself better. Im not a heartless ”player” or nothing like that. For my whole life I’ve been confused. At sevent grade I had this wannabe gangster imago on my self. Did drugs and smoked and thought that I was ”cool” or something. Eight grade rolls around and I dropped the little ”gangster” act. Yet I still listened to 90’s hiphop even tho im white. One thing that real hiphop has taught me is that loyalty is more important then money, fame, pussy or any of that materialistic shit. There was this small ”party” that had very few people in it. There was my friendgroup, and the other guy friendgroup, and then there were the girls. When I was entering that party, one of my friends (not rly my friend), told me that the other friendgroup wanted to fight. I made a mental note to myself and as soon as I came there I started chugging wine and beer. Then I messed around with my friends, and greeted those girls who were there. Then I went with the other guygroup and asked who they are. They were glad. I was the first one of ”my people” that came to their area. I felt like a man. Then I was heading outside for a cig with one of my good friend (who still is) and 3 guys of the other group who we didn’t know. I asked all of them questions, like what are they up to where they study and shit. Then I took a puff out of my cigarette and there was a silence. I asked them: ”So who want’s to fight here”. They all got silent, laughed nervously and looked at each other. The smallest one of them looked at me nervously and got something like ”I-i-if I have to” you know what I mean. I felt like and alpha. I had protected my people. But now im questioning myself, why do I have the need to show myself im a man? It all comes down to when I was 8y/o. I experienced a sexual trauma (caused by my cousin), not a rape, but he taught me how to jerk off, visually. He told me everyone does it. My whole life I’ve been trying to find myself from the wrong places and in the wrong things. Hell, I even feel lonely sometimes even tho I have friends. But now when it’s though and it hurts, I will suffer untill it doesn’t. Im in god’s hands now. There are many things I haven’t, and won’t mention. I have to stop stressing out about the future and focuse on the present moment. I don’t really know how all this sounds, since im a 15y/o and im a small boy lost in a big world, but I do have faith that I’ll find my purpose. Maybe my purpose is to be heard? I don’t know yet. Maybe I should get back to studying. Peace.