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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by SparkySub, Oct 28, 2019.
Remember happiness doesn't come from love or being in a relationship, it comes from knowing who you are and having purpose. Unless you start there any relationship is doomed to fail. Dont validate your self-worth through a relationship. It's the mistake everyone makes cause they're conditioned through movies and TV to think that way.
If you have a strong sense of purpose you'll attract any girl. Women want to be part of an adventure not worshiped like they're some golden idol. They want to worship their man, it's in their DNA.
I realize this concept would infuriate any feminists reading, but it happens to be true
I had a young lady tell me that recently as she lamented about her relationship woes.
She wanted to be part of a man’s life. Not the one running it.
I am also that kind of guy who fears to talk to girls.
Firstly, they considered me to be very ugly and never talk to me and don't want to sit with me either.
I am alone. They make fun of me about my appearance.
I am not able to get confidence to talk to any stranger. As I think they would Laugh at my appearance.
So there no chance of making a GF.
Hope someday a girl will see my inner beauty and and be with me forever.
So I had this issue in High School. I read some literature from a book called the Tao of Badass by Josh somebody-or-other and it talked about making periodic physical touch with a woman for 3 seconds at a time, on the hand or arm to break the "touch barrier" and get her used to physical contact from you, which is a huge step in getting her more comfortable with the idea of you being a boyfriend. Staying friends with them even if they have a boyfriend makes you look good and dedicated and reliable, and he even gives off a long list of "banter lines" with are great phrases that can joke and flirt a little in a casual setting which if used will make her laugh and feel more comfortable while also making you sound more calm and dominant in a good way. He goes over how to walk in a way that commands dominance, etc. Now, the book is meant to get you ready to get any woman you want and have loads of sex. I DO NOT ENDORSE this myself. However, it has many useful tools in it to become a more successful person with women, and I have tried several things I learned from the book and was always successful using them. I had one girl asking me to take her to homecoming after just 2 class periods over a 2 day stretch. And I was a nobody....
Anyway, you may be able to get some tips from there. He has a youtube channel as well. Just, dont let it get to your head, okay?
Thank you for those words. I'm in the same spot as OP. I've been hungrily chasing girls for the last 5 years and got rejected every single time. I will try to focus on myself, my life now. start improving on the guitar again, doing fitness, just accept being alone and just minding my business.
it is hard to deal with the loneliness because of my trust issues and my "hatred" for male people i literally have no friends at this point. but i won't need them on my journey.
this will be a long time of hard work. but i will greatly improve myself and become a better person.
The guitar and fitness are great ideas. But you should never accept loneliness. Find a group of friends at the gym - it helped me out so much when I found myself a group of gym buddies. They inspired me and I really looked forward to working out with them. They were the first friends I had in years and the last friends I've had since.
Problem with this is the fact that i simply cannot stand being around male people in private for too long. and even more i refuse to befriend them.
this is a psychiologic issue which manifested deep inside my head and i cannot just get rid of it.
everytime I am around male people, theres something they say, or how they act that completely pisses me off and triggers much anger deep inside of me (like bragging with their gains, being openly sexist or making inappropriate comments about women, just being like the "guy" stereotype).
i cannot simply get over that fact without some form of therapy, which I am looking for right now.
Thanks everyone. This advice is top notch and I've realised I should spend time focusing on myself before focusing on girls. Maybe be friends with them and build bridges for now, but definitely focus on myself first before chasing a girl. I just wanna keep things casual at the moment, start off with building friendships and focusing more on myself. I will look at ways I can make myself more confident, lifting weights has definitely helped so far. This advice has been very useful and has been eye opening. Thanks fellas.
Guys... what females are you dating?
Start by treating women as people. Which they are. Don't view a relationship or sex as your goal - start with friendship as a goal. Being "friendzoned" isn't a bad thing - you've got a cool new friend now! Hang on to that! That friendship might lead to another, and another. And who knows, maybe one of those female friendships might evolve into something more. But if you handle dating from the lens of "I'm a desperate loser and no woman wants me" then you will always be a desperate loser that no woman wants - it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now I'm not saying you should go full on asshole and start negging - just treat women like people.
Phew! Anytime I hear some stuff like this, it sounds like these women are foreign and strange. I have never met a woman that you can't be straight up human with. Sure, there are gonna be those girls that want to play the dumb little games and what not. If you are looking for something real, why the hell would you choose a woman you can't be yourself with from the get go? Finding an authentic male who isn't afraid to be open with you is VERY VERY attractive.
A woman who is in the dating scene to find a meaningful relationship prefers an honest man.
So my advice for this entire thread, go experience the world, explore and enjoy yourself. Learn who you are and what you actually have to offer. When you are out doing your own thing, you will encounter females. Guess what? We shit too. We are human. Just be your damn self. You are enough.
Unless, of course, you want a quick fling. Then try all the weird peacocking stuff men think they have to do.
There really isn't a "guy" stereotype. That's called being an asshole.
If they're openly sexist or make genuine inappropriate comments about women, there's a chance that they're projecting some sort of insecurity (they feel inferior perhaps in a certain way?). The only stereotype that I can think of with guys has more to do with how guys process emotions and what we do in our private time etc.
Guys are told "Don't cry, it makes you look weak", "guys don't cry!" "Guys don't share feelings" so our gender is essentially made out to be some sort of permanent "stoic" people. Anything relating to feelings, guys tend to get shot down in that matter. When in fact, if you feel like crying, then cry. Your body releases the stress and mind/body starts building resistance to what makes you uncomfortable and makes you cry.
Your problem isn't much of a "i can't stand being around other males", your problem is the environment and people you surrounded yourself with before you started isolating yourself.
I've got a friend who is extremely sexual, kid says he is horny with and without porn and has to jack off everyday otherwise he will feel very agitated. He claims to "moderate" his porn consumption, by moderation I think he watches once a week or two times, but i don't know if he's really being honest but I don't give a shit either. He makes sexual remarks all the time, manages to make a sexual joke about anything and it genuinely really gets annoying after a while, like I understand it's humor but there comes a point where sexual humor starts getting old and it just makes you immature, it's more something that should be used in the correct situations/jokes rather than making sexual jokes about any topic. But at the end of the day I know he is a good person and I enjoy his company.
You need to re-assess your environment and the type of people that surround you in your community.
This. It's the long game but it's the only one which really works. Plus, you'll be so much more fulfilled in life besides being a chick magnet.
Be more observant of how you behave with girls. Every new girl you meet, every time you get friendzoned or rejected makes you grow. Just by becoming a more fulfilled person you will not suddenly be great with ladies. Everything takes practice. Do both and you will have quality women chasing after you. Do just one and you'll need some luck to make it work.
The list @Varu gives is very good. However, it's worth noting that this behaviour stems form the "alpha" character (and I don't mean pumped up jerks, but real alphas). You will definitely get some success with this approach but unless it's real and stems from who you are, you'll only be able to take it that far.
This may sound like a lot of work but hey, it's a lot of fun, very rewarding and gives you something to do.
By the way, your profile says you're 19. You have at least 10 years to go until you're at your prime as a male. Make that time count. By realising now that something is not right and wanting to take action, you've got a bloody good head start compared to other people your age.
I will date after day 90. Right now I am getting rid of my addictions and improving myself physically and mentally. There are many women that I like and who like me back but I believe I am still too desensitized to be a good partner. I hurt my previous girlfriends by being unable to bond with them, and I think that porn was the reason. I don't want to hurt the next one like that - no one deserves it.
1. I love your username! It is hilarious and now I want to watch Tenacious D.
2. I loooooove love love this post. Very wise, dude. I am so proud of you! Keep working on yourself.
Thank you. The thing with addictions that people often forget is that we aren't just hurting ourselves.
When I made this account I had to look up Tenacious D because I didn't know what it was. I just remember having heard it somewhere -- I thought it was the name of some rapper. It just seemed to roll off the tongue (no pun intended) and I wanted a sex-themed username. But now I know it was some Jack Black music project, which is even better.