I'm a Total Piece of Shit

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Dead inside, Nov 6, 2018.

  1. Dead inside

    Dead inside Fapstronaut

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    My life is a joke. Take this as a warning or whatever you like. My porn addiction began at age 12. I sufffered abuse and neglect as a child. I developed a porn-induced anal fixation by the time I was 16. I was a virgin until I was almost 19. I met a girl at a party a week after I lost my virginity and slept with her as well. I could not finish. We were both young so I got away with faking male orgasms for the first three and half years of our relationship. I know it sounds insane. I lied and kept this a secret, even after we moved in together after 8 months. I kept it going while we built a life together. I'd watch in my car and at work. I could probably pass a test on pornstars. I hit a low when our relationship went south, and I told her everything. She stayed. Then she left. Then she came back. Couldn't forgive myself, so she left again. Tell me why I'm the fuck I should ever deserve love. I've watched porn one time in the last six months, but I'm full of information I don't want. I jerked it to women who disgust me and all the while had a beautiful and loving girlfriend who I betrayed and never knew me. I was a good boyfriend in every other way, but I cannot justify this shit. I can't live with it. Tell me why the fuck I should ever get love from anyone. I'm a fucking joke. I don't want the images or the memories. Stop now. Get help. You'll ruin your life.
     
  2. fan_of_all_might

    fan_of_all_might Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro. I know what it's like to be at rock bottom dude. To have something good and lose it. But really please don't call yourself that. It gets better and easier. I used to care so much about these girls, I remember being so sick I almost threw up. And what now? I'm long past them, have better girls in my life and really couldn't care less these ex's. I mean I wish them well as people of course but when you give all your fucks away you will eventually have none left. I literally feel no emotions towards them now.

    Pain is a good motivator and teacher for all of us. Infact you could possibly say that we need the pain to man up and become the people we were meant to be. And without it we would stay infantile children. Perhaps you could even thank your pain for leading you here to such a great community.

    Congrats on your 6 months with no porn. That's an accomplishment some of us here are still struggling with. Please give yourself credit and seek counseling or therapy if you feel like you're in too deep. Don't be a stan, brighter days are ahead.

    Best of luck bro I'm rooting for you.
     
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  3. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Man, sorry.
    I just know beating yourself down doesn't help. I feel that way to sometimes. Well maybe not exactly but you know what I mean. I know that feeling ought to pass by. The one thing that helps me is work. Some long hard steady work to keep my mind off of it.
     
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  4. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Your not a piece of shit, hell, I havent had a gf and in about to he 24, I been with escorts, i am hung over this lady i love who isnt into me. I want her back but if any of you read my thread about it you know the story. In my older thread called:
    Help With Girl I Cant Get Over

    But I'm ready this is day 2 staying clean!
     
  5. hope2overcome_

    hope2overcome_ Fapstronaut

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    you seem pretty normal. Do not blame yourself but blame the entity that has done this to millions of men all over the city. Now, porn as an adult is one thing but it should be contraband to kids. Thats the real problem. If you were to discover porn as an adult would you be in this position? Nope. you are normal and very deserving of love man. worry about how to fix this not just for the ex but for our future and the next girl who will make you forget all about the other girl. fight the good fight.
     
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  6. Igaleksus

    Igaleksus Fapstronaut

    Hey, sounds cool. You are at least had relationships with a girl for a long time :)

    I said goodbuy to my virginity when I was 18 y.o. You'll never believe it. My mother ordered me a whore to help me cope with the psychological problems. I became even more withdrawn and uncommunicative.. Since then I of course had sex with girls. But I have never had a long relationships that I dreamed of.

    Why not? I read all your message with an attention, and I didn't see you did anything unethical. You didn't abuse her, you didn't cheat on her, you didn't bully her. So trust me, it's your mind lying to you, saying you don't deserve to be loved. It's your mind, it's not true.
     
    GA93JDeereboy likes this.
  7. So you believe you don't deserve love because you're a porn addict?
    Bro, I understand that pornography may impact your sexual life and to a degree, your social life and your relationships, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve love.. I feel like the whole "I don't deserve love" thing stems from something else.

    I'm 24, I said the same exact things you did. I thought I was worthless, hopeless and wasn't going to amount to anything. I used porn to escape reality, i would watch porn for hours, not to the point where it would get in the way of work and such, but like without thinking I would go to websites or porn subreddits looking for the hottest chick getting railed hard etc.. Even while playing a game. I constantly had brain fog, I constantly thought negative. Now i'm not saying that porn has made me like this but it amplified exactly what I was feeling then, the reason why I was negative was because of a much deeper issue and something that I wish i had realized much earlier before losing my girlfriend..

    I was a toxic person. Yeah, you have to have a considerable amount of guts and a lot of self-awareness to realize and admit that you are toxic and I'm not going to lie as i'm typing this I am feeling emotional because it just reminds me of "bad" but I'm trying to accept that it's happened and that it's in the past..

    Just because you watch a tonne of porn doesn't mean you don't deserve love.
    Reinvent yourself, start improving yourself.
    Start going to the gym if you aren't going already, eat healthy and be fit, get a body that you will, not would, that YOU will feel comfortable in. Find new interests and pick up new hobbies because once you quit watching porn and stop fapping (up to you if you want to do hardmode of only orgasm through sex) you're going to have a lot of time.

    Use that time on you, start doing things for you.
    Your brain and your body and your penis will thank you for taking care of it properly.
    And be optimistic.. I'm a shitkicker at 24 with no job, no financial stability, no education and no savings.. But I know I can change that.

    You can beat this!
     
    GA93JDeereboy likes this.

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