I'm abstaining from PMO, but I don't believe in NoFAP

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by clapas, Jul 14, 2019.

  1. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    For most of my entire life I have led an exemplary life: sports, reading, no alcohol, no cigarettes, good sleep, good food, intermitent fasting, cold showers, good personal hygiene, clean space and clothes, diligent at work, etc.

    My social life tho, is almost nonexistent and every women I was interested on rejected me for the last 10 years. Is this because my porn addiction? I don't believe it.

    It is said that almost 100% of all men with Internet access are porn consumers. Now how it comes it is only a smaller percentage of those who really suffer from it? Why are some others succeeding and pumping-dumping one chick after another with apps like Tinder? Why there are so many charismatic men who enjoy social interactions?

    I will do whatever it takes to fix my problems, and that is why I'm abstaining from PMO from 7 days ago on. They say a full reboot can take up to 1 or 2 years for older guys. I'm sick of doing staff for a better distant future.

    Have you heard those successfull people giving motivational speeches: "never give up", "keep trying". They don't tell us how much of luck is involved in success. I wish I tried less on many things, because they just wouldn't work. And NoFAP is the same, that's why I don't belive in it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2019
  2. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    But you don’t know that, not yet, right? So good for you giving it a shot, that’s all one can do. Best of wishes to you and welcome to the site!
     
  3. rafael33

    rafael33 Fapstronaut

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    Great! Who is asking for something else?
     
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  4. Pity

    Pity Fapstronaut

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    Believe it! NoFap is a wonderful place where voyers and nosey people can fill up on juicy gossip, the police and FBI can scan for perp pervs of the apprehensible kind, actual genuinely helpless sex addicts can find help and support and provide help and support to other brothers in peril, and God as always can move seamlessly through a place where people are confessing sins and opening up their broken contrite and convicted hearts, which is His weakness! He can't resist if sincere!... to name a few.

    What's not to believe? It's superbelievable! I mean, I wouldn't have it any other way to put it arrogantly. That's my strength btw, for which I desperately need help.

    I don't believe THAT is possible!

    There I answered your question now you help me.
     
    clapas likes this.
  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Temporarily Suspended

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    I agree with you. Go ahead and good luck.
     
    clapas likes this.
  6. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    No, I don't think so. I think this might be the problem:
    I don't know how to tell you this nicely, but you sound like someone who has a stick up his ass. Which probably means you lack the most important ingredient.
    See women respond to charisma, people like Russel Brand for example are full of it, and charisma doesn't come from a place of knowing how to say the right things. It's more like becoming confident in yourself in such a way that you start to playfully tie your idiosyncrasies, your viewpoints, your faults, your desires into a unique package. I know this sentence is like.. whatever, but I'm no poet and I'm sure you got your own idea what charisma is.
    But judging by how you describe yourself you seem to be someone who has the reins too tight on himself, not allowing yourself to step off the beaten path, which makes your life stable but at the same time makes you as a person as bland as unseasoned rice. So I'd say it's time to take yourself on an adventure.
     
  7. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    Social life is one of the most important keys to happiness. I realised this as the past year I've had basically no social life, but before this I had a good social life for my entire life.

    Its easy to blame porn for your problems, but the reality is this. It is bad for you and definitely an addiction, so quitting for life is a very wise move. But it wont make you immediately some god. Rejection by women suggests you should work on yourself more.

    Good luck
     
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  8. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    I already thought about that, but God seems to be a mental creation to me.
     
  9. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    That is a very superficial judgement. You don't know me. Have you heard that "When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back to you"?

    Plus you are kind of saying that I behave too good and therefore I don't deserve any reward.

    Thanks for your reply tho.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2019
  10. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    You can see that I am not blaming porn for my problems. It is just the opposite: what I say is I don't believe porn is the cause of my problems and I don't believe quitting porn will help me.

    Social life is key to happiness if you are able to enjoy social life.
     
  11. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

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    You sound like a good guy, and you are living a life which should be conducive to happiness for both your self and others.

    I'm definitely not saying porn is the only, or even the most significant issue responsible for your lack of luck with the ladies. In my experience I wouldn't discount it playing a part though. I've been consciously trying to stop for a number of years now. This might sound bizarre but I discovered earlier in the year that I had a number of unconscious thoughts about women, primarily seeing them as mere objects for man's pleasure. Since discovering this my relationship with women has shifted. Meditation seems to have been the tool to do this. It might not be for you but I suggest it as it has greatly helped me.

    Best of luck my friend
     
  12. C12345

    C12345 Fapstronaut

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    Maybe a religious god, but I have reason to believe that there is a mind behind the universe. Atheists explanation of the universe is too coincidental to be realistic. I still pray and read the Bible even if I don't fully believe it. It puts your mind at ease.
     
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  13. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    It wasn't an attack dude. I don't know whether you actually have a stick up your ass or not. I've worked with what you've written about yourself in the hope to give you an angle to your problem that you maybe didn't consider yet. And I think I'm at least somewhat on the money because you've reacted emotionally which indicates that you're uncomfortable about the subject, which could be because of denial.
    You don't deserve nothing. None of us do. You choose a way of life and deal with the consequences.
     
  14. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    You shouldn't believe in anything. Even people who are religious have reasons for their beliefs.

    Second, there's a lot more to life than abstinence. While abstinence alone works well with substance issues (and on those issues alone, up to a point) sexuality is complex. It is like thinking if you stopped eating a couple of foods you got your diet and nutrition fixed. You may have taken care of a big part of it if say you're used to soda instead of water, but we're supposed to eat a lot of different foods.

    So I don't believe in Nofap -alone- either. But that position is still not saying anything about what else you want to do doesn't address it comprehensively.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2019
  15. Freeddom_Taker

    Freeddom_Taker Fapstronaut

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    1.Going on nofap or achieve x amount of days will not change your personalities unfortunately. What Nofap do is allowing you to gain your manhood back or helping you see what need to be done in order to grow.
    2. There are some dudes who naturally good with women and others need to develop the charisma by putting themselves out there like being social and asking women on dates.
     
  16. Augie

    Augie Fapstronaut

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    That's a great list of healthy activities and habits but it doesn't tell us anything personal about yourself. Connecting with other people goes beyond saying "I like clean spaces". What are you passionate about? What are your beliefs? What are your goals and interests? Women don't want a relationship with a walking habit machine, they want a relationship with a person. If a woman came to me with the list you provided I would have said "great, and what makes you different from other women who do the same?"

    Don't believe it. There are plenty of porn addicts who can pickup women.

    Is it said that? From which credible source did you get this statistic?

    Ah the old envy of the pumper and dumper. Anyone else see the irony of a porn addict being envious of a sex addict? Do people honestly believe that way of life is a step towards progress?

    Probably because they know how to display their own personality in a way that connects with others.

    It's not really luck as it is discipline. Most of the people who give motivations speeches will also tell you to not rely on motivation since it's not something you can earn. Motivation requires zero effort on your part. Discipline requires a ton of effort on your part and creating that is helpful in other areas of life but even that is not all there is to success. You don't believe in what you think NoFap is rather than what NoFap is really about. NoFap never makes any claims that recovery is going to fix all of your problems or straighten all of your paths. This site is simply about recovering from porn because it is the right thing to do.
     
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  17. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    I totally agree.

    And I do some meditation, which sometimes helps and sometimes makes it worse; but it is a very good practice in any case.
     
  18. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    I know the bible is one of the must powerful books there are, if not the most powerful. A lot of wisdom is there. But that knowledge is a little hard to extract, sometimes intrincate and rethoric. I have only read some passages tho.

    Thanks for your support
     
  19. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    I don't understand what you mean.
     
  20. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    I know that. There is a lot of things that I have taken care of. What I am saying is: if quitting porn doesn't make any difference per se, then why am I going to stick to it? I am here for the results, and clear results, not for the sake of some kind of control.

    I will give you an example: I often force myself into social interactions, but I suffer from social anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes I have a really hard time. The lesser times I can enjoy it. So the rational goes like this: if porn causes those symptoms and abstinence will cure them, I say I will abstain. Of course I will, I will have plenty of motivation! But if it doesn't help, what is going to keep me motivated? Why should I fight still another battle?
     

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