I'm actually starting to get sick of not being able to get porn?

Basically in the last 35 days I have had 3 relapses on artificial sexual stimulation.

The first relapse was on the 20th of June and was a very minor relapse. I masturbated to a few youtube safe search videos for about 5 minutes.

The second relapse on artificial sexual stimulation was on the 1st of July. This relapse was more severe. I actually managed to get access to a social media site on the 1st of July and basically spent the entire day in a binge on a social media site.

The last relapse was today. Basically I can't access any artificial sexual stimulation at all except on a program called telegram. I use telegram to keep in contact with my friends, and blocking all artificial sexual stimulation on telegram seems next to impossible. On telegram I was able to get images of porn stars. I'm not really willing to get rid of telegram, as it is the only real online social interaction I have with my friends. But today I basically went on somewhat of a binge on these images on telegram.

Something I want to throw out there is all 3 of these relapses/binges have been caused by alcohol. For some reason hangovers from alcohol cause me to be insanely horny, and I seem to basically wank the entire day when I am hungover, and I prefer doing it to porn and artificial sexual stimulation. I have an issue with alcohol, and I find it difficult to stop drinking completely.

It appears if I didn't drink alcohol I would somewhat breeze through no porn and artificial sexual stimulation. As 9 times out of 10 it seems to be hangovers that cause me to relapse on it.

But I have restricted my self to such an extent the only thing I can get artificial sexual stimulation on is my laptop. I don't have a smart phone or tv ext. Like I said the only artificial sexual stimulation I can access on my laptop is these images on telegram, and very restricted youtube videos. I can't turn this restricted mode I use off. I can't see any other artificial sexual stimulation on the internet. I can't see any images or videos on the internet that would cause me to relapse. I can't see any porn, I can't see any social media. Also all the apps I could access artificial sexual stimulation on are blocked. So I can't access social media content on an app ext.

But for the last while, and especially today, I am getting these sort of feeling's and thoughts that I am starting to get quite sick of not being able to access all the real content on the internet. I mean I know I said I relapsed 3 times in the last 35 days, and 2 of those relapses were binges. But these things I relapsed and binged on still were no where near on the level of what it is like when I can access anything I want.

So yeah recently I have started to get these powerful feelings that I really want to be able to access everything again. It's sad but I am actually starting to really miss it.

I actually feel like these two recent binges on social media for a day, then telegram images for a day have actually seriously teased me or something? Like they have made me feel like I really want back on all that old content again. Basically I seem to want back on the worst of everything again. Back on the stuff where there is no barriers what so ever. I guess that is the way I have been feeling recently, especially today.