I'm addicted to porn that relates to others having sex with my wife

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ChrisE, Oct 9, 2019.

  1. You watching two people (two subjects) have sex, regardless of whether or not one is your wife, does not inherently mean you are objectifying anyone. I think people need to seek to better understand the idea of objectification. (however, even if it was objectification - which it isn't - isn't inherently wrong within the context of sex. If everyone is on board for a sexual act, then that should be a-okay.)

    These very same scenarios (where one watching his wife or her husband, or her wife or his husband) make up a quite healthy sex lifestyle for some people. But what is seen as healthy for one may not be for another. Perhaps it's actually not healthy for you and/or your wife. That could be true. It also could be healthy but your perspective or "frame" of the entire thing is causing you to have some mental/emotional stress over it. Oftentimes in modern society we're told "this is bad" or "this is weird". And most people then go along with that. But that doesn't have to be the case inherently with all things. Sure, some things are objectively wrong; i.e. Adults having sex with children is wrong because of the power disparity and that we understand kids aren't equipped to make those kinds of decisions (regardless of sexual age/arousal). A man enjoying seeing his wife getting fucked by other guys is subjective. There is no inherent wrong in it. However, IF you can't find a balance between that arousal for yourself and having a similar arousal when you're with her, that is IF that is a problem for you and your wife, then, yes, the overall scenario is problematic. I'd work on trying to find a way to enjoy both without having to 'force' it when you're with her. Seeking some sex counseling could help with this. However, there's also nothing inherently wrong with preferring your wife to have been just recently railed by another dude. That is, if it doesn't cause problems in your relationship. I. E. If you're both okay with that. You should talk this out with your wife.

    Hit me up on here if you'd like to discuss this more with me.

    All the best,

    Lucas

     
  2. Zer01991

    Zer01991 Fapstronaut

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    I'm starting to have these thoughts too man. I'll never let it get as far as you have. But just know you're not alone. Porn has caused several men to start developing this sort of behavior. I wholeheartedly believe that porn has caused the rise in cuckolding. 10 or so years ago cuckolding was damn near unheard of. Just know you aren't struggling alone. You're in my thoughts buddy. Stay strong. You can beat this and come out the man you always wanted to be.
     
  3. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    I have kind of been here too. Not in real life. But the fantasy has played out in my mind a lot. Early on I would like to share pictures of my wife, non nude, online and seek approval from strangers and ask what they would want to do to her and what they think of her. Sometimes it would get to conversations about what we could do together and so on. I hate it. It’s not me In real life. I’m a jealous guy. I would want no part of a man in real life even checking out my wife. But online, it’s a huge fantasy of mine and I’m wanting to overcome that. Right now I have no desire to watch porn. However I do still have the desire sometimes to post non nude pictures of my wife, or her in a bikini or underwear and ask for approval or what men would do.

    And why? What do we expect the answer to be? Of course that man would have sex with out wife. He is a horny man, looking at P. What else do we expect them to say? After finishing I always feel guilty and delete everything. And then sometimes return.

    We were separated last year for awhile and the thought with my wife with someone else after we decided to try to work it out, furiates me. So why think of it as a fantasy?
     
  4. Sante364

    Sante364 Fapstronaut

    yeah. I know a thing or two about this. Way off the deep end for me/us.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
    420 mile high likes this.
  5. Sante364

    Sante364 Fapstronaut

    I have a lot of experience in this. However it may be different from yours. Important question: did you become swingers before heavy porn use, or after? In my case, crazy sex including group sex with my wife at the center of attention, was more about me satisfying my addiction for porn by making my reality be like porn.
     
  6. baZo

    baZo Fapstronaut

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    check this out :)
     
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  7. Raging Wife

    Raging Wife Fapstronaut

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    Is your wife up for this or has she gone off the idea now she doesn't want you looking at porn?
    Also the.account keeps coming back because your not deleting it your just deactivation it. In reality you love her and dont want to physically share her deep down, unless of course you dont really love her?
     
    +TenPercent and Deleted Account like this.
  8. Yeah, it's deactivated for now and I haven't gone back to it....but the temptation is there sometimes, not gonna lie.

    Of course I love her, and I've never cheated on her...but that week we indulged, we were so turned on by the idea and she was really up for it and seemed keen!

    Shortly after, she changed her tune though, and I think it confused us both. I guess we both had doubts and shame.

    I mean, the idea of a man sharing his wife...is it a porn induced fantasy or a genuine fetish?
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  9. Raging Wife

    Raging Wife Fapstronaut

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    I just watched that video in the forum about cuckold, it seems like it's a fetish that has been conditioned into.your Brian because you keep watching that type of porn.
    Maybe deleting instead of deactivation might be better to.help resist. Keep the ones your wife for yourself, or even get rid and make some new ones.without this fantasy being mentioned? She might feel dirty or may think it will hurt? It's not natural, the thought of it scares me, 1 is enough! The porn has fed the fantasy and it would never have developed had you not been addicted. Everyone has a fetish of some sort. Mines being caught and I love the vaginal penetration view hence the mirrored bedroom we have. We have live porn in our room and he would rather sit down and watch porn.
     
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  10. Thats a great ammount of progress buddy, you really have improved!
    The temptation will fade.

    I myself would never again share pics of my gf, but back then it felt so "normal".
    Give it some time, focus on The fact that shes not hurt thankfully :)
     

  11. Yes, I don't know if its a conditioned fetish or not.

    Like you, I am obsessed with the vaginal penetration view! Even in porn thumbnails, it entices me in! That's how I got into my whole fascination with Double Vaginal...I just loved seeing penetration, all the different angles and close ups, it really got me off!

    He's crazy if he's giving up the real thing in the mirror for a computer screen anyway! Makes no sense to a red blooded male like me...
     
  12. Raging Wife

    Raging Wife Fapstronaut

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    Most definitely conditioned. I've spoke to him he just keeps saying sorry. I said I know everything as far as I've found out so this is his opportunity to be honest with me. I want to have an sti test on us both because I cant trust he hasnt slept with a call girl, which he agreed to.
    I need to know his fetish otherwise I cant help him through it because it's still his dirty secret.
    The mirrors in the bedroom and the light being on definitely helps with the view. I dont look online because that satisfy me.
     
    +TenPercent and Deleted Account like this.
  13. Well, hopefully the results come back clean!

    It's strange that he won't share his fantasies, but tbh it took a while to tell my wife cause I thought she'd be ashamed...how wrong I was! It really turned her on, even the Bi fantasies I had.

    Yes, mirror set up sounds fun! I'm actually really jealous tbh.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  14. I believe that is one clinical definition of a fetish: "I need _______ in order to orgasm"

    Thank you for sharing this. I struggle with very similar fantasies. At times I think that it is gone and I am finally free of my cuckold fetish (after a decade or so of trying to heal from it) but then I hit a little bump in the road with my relationship and I start to worry that we're falling apart, or that I'm failing to meet her needs. This last time it was PE
    I came as soon as I was inside her
    , then it seemed like she was avoiding being sexual with me, even rejecting my sexual advances a few days later and then when we did finally have sex again I found myself struggling to get/stay hard . . . right until
    I asked her if I could go down on her and she "no". Immediately I got rock hard because I imagined that she was hiding something from me, maybe I would see, smell or taste something which would reveal her infidelity!
    Heck, I even get turned on when I discover that she's lied to me about something. :rolleyes:

    It's messed up. I have a great girlfriend who adores me, but sometimes I worry that these persistent fantasies will end up manifesting her infidelity.
     
  15. Actually, it makes quite a bit of sense. Anger and rage is one natural response. But so is arousal as the man now fears that his woman may become pregnant with someone else's baby. The emotional brain is driven to "reclaim" her while the reptilian brain is driven to get his semen (gametes) into the mix as well in order to increase the chance that any baby produced would be his own.
    Furthermore, the shape of the penis head and the pumping action may actually help to remove much of the sperm left in her vulva by the other man.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2019
  16. To me that sounds like such a healthy attitude!
    My sponsor once told me that sex is playtime for adults. Why not talk about our fantasies and role-play them, rather than getting more and more neurotic with our dirty little secrets??

    I once had gf who told me one night that she had been cheating on me for weeks. :eek:
    I half suspected that she was making it all up, but half believing was enough. (She really was making it all up) I MO'd while she described it all in great detail . . . and then broke down in tears after the (powerful) orgasm. I think it was really healing for me, and more importantly, I felt so loved and supported by her for doing that for me.
     
    Raging Wife likes this.
  17. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    No, this is actually a myth. Humans are not promiscuous species but rather mono or poligamous. And you won't find this shape even in promiscuous species.

    And arousal doesn't make sense either because who would be interested in keeping an unfaithful woman? There will always be the risk the offspring is not yours since you can't monitor her 24/7.

    That is why promiscuity is far worse in women than it is in men. A woman can not end up raising a kid that it is not hers.

    Arousal would happen only in individuals who subcobsciously are not ready to dump the woman and look for another if she proved she is promiscuous.

    This would be typical for low status males that are willing to take the chance, a high status male would not accept such a thing.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2019

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