I'm addicted to sissy porn and I want to stop. Long story but I need help

Alright so this is going to be a kind of overview of my sexual experiences in the past and my addiction to sissy porn.

This will be a brief overview of sexual encounters I had when I was younger.

• I had been exposed to porn at a young age, I couldn't tell you exactly when I first started viewing it but it was definitely before middle school. Also looking back at it now I probably went through sexual abuse as a child as well. I had a cousin of mine that was a little older than me and our families have always been close. Well when we were kids he essentially coaxed/coerced ,whatever you want to call it, me to perform oral sex on him. This happened a couple of times and it never really was my idea but it eventually stopped as we got older. I also found a website called getdare where the premise is you do sexual dares and tasks and young me was interested and liked getting the attention.

As I got older I never really had any girlfriends but I did have interests in girls in classes etc, but never made it known or made any moves due to low self esteem and no confidence. Eventually my tastes in porn started to evolve, or devolve depending on how you want to look at it, into more taboo stuff. I remember being really into facial porn, bukkake, degrading stuff like that. That lead to me finding out about a porn producer on pornhub called Marks Head Bobbers and Handjobbers, some of you might have seen his stuff. Well in a couple of his videos the girls perform "ruined orgasms". I got really into this and the only videos that showed that kind of stuff was femdom type of porn. So now I was in that realm of pornography, and got exposed to all other sorts of stuff. Chastity, pegging, orgasm denial, forced-bi, all kinds of shit. This is where I eventually got exposed to "sissy" porn and I was at a point where normal vanilla porn wasn't doing anything for me and even some of the femdom stuff wasn't working. So now I decided to try being a "sissy". I ordered all kinds of toys, clothes, etc etc. I don't really want to go into because it brings a feeling of shame on me.

So this phase was late in highschool and early college. Due to events that had happened my freshman year of college I got really depressed and my addiction got worse. I still hadn't had my first kiss or anything like that at 18. I ended up switching colleges and moving back to a school closer to home. I met a girl there and finally had all of my first sexual experiences at 19. But this girl was into freaky stuff and had found out about my weird sexual interests. So that didn't help getting over it. I also had caught her cheating on me a couple of times during the relationship but didn't end things because I didn't want to be alone. A year went by and I ended things with my first girlfriend and started dating a more vanilla girl. This is when I decided to throw away everything that I had collected over a 4 year period. I haven't bought anything "sissy" related since. But I occasionally caught myself watching sissy porn while in that relationship, but it kinda started to become a more rare thing.

Long story short, she also ended up cheating on me with her ex and broke up with me. This happened in May of 2019, so like 7-8 months ago. I became SUPER depressed all summer and didn't do anything at all. As my senior year of college started I started hanging out with friends more and going out more, doing all of the college things I missed out on earlier because of being in toxic relationships. I also developed a crush on a girl in one of my classes and eventually had her over to my apartment. We did everything but having sex, where at which point she had a panic attack and went home. She said it wasn't anything about me, more about a sexual abuse that had occurred a month prior. Either way I felt rejected big time because I really liked this girl.

So now here we are now where I am catching myself becoming more and more addicted to sissy porn, I've been watching it every day now for about 2 weeks. Its gone from a sissy and a mistress kind of stuff to a sissy with an actual guy. I need to stop, I feel like it is negatively effecting my social life, as well as my ability to form relationships. It puts so much negative shit in my head, and I don't know how to stop. Someone please help, or give advice or something.

 

can you link it? I'm brand new to this site and don't have the navigation down.