Im anxious guy and i had terrible date.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Blackworld, Jun 13, 2017.

  1. Blackworld

    Blackworld Fapstronaut

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    Today i want start my journey for 3 months of no pmo.

    I was dating girls always but i never had relationship. And i hate myself because of that,i was trying hard but still nothing.

    I am 21 years old guy and my social anxiety from 0-10 is 6 and it should be 0.

    Im scared to be near crowd of people
    ..Scared to go with public transports alone,on night parties,on coffe shop during day,to go in supermarket alone.

    In elementary and in highschool i was alone most of the time.

    Yes i had friends who i talked with always,but when they were with other guys i dont know i didnt want to go there.

    In highschool in our class we had only 3 guys and me and rest was only girls.

    So when i was only guy who came to school i was just walking on streets i couldnt be able to talk with nobody.
    And even i found someone who i know. I would quickly leave him and say i must go because his class friends would come with him and i dont want to be in their group. That would be too wierd.

    Not too shy but i am anxious. I can talk with people but scared of strangers and to be in crowd of people.

    I wont wrote all of this but i had cus problem is that i want start study photography. Its 3 years university but again i will have to be in crowded place of students all time.

    I am socialy scared and anxious.

    My last date was terrible. I went with 2 of my friends in other city 30km away,cus they went to see their girlfriends and i went with them cus one girl was alone and she went out to meet me.

    It was sunny day and finally 6 of us grouped. Me,those 2 friends,and those 3 girls

    It was sunny day.So i met her and we sat on a bench in the park and i was THE ONLY ONE who was talking.

    There was silence moments for 10 mins and nobody talked and i knew i must say something.

    And i was asking her questions about ordinary stuffs and talked about myself for little.
    -Do you training something?
    -What type of guys you like?
    -How long you know my friends?
    -Did you ever go out on night parties in my city?
    ..

    So i was giving those questions and talking about myself for little. But she was too quiet. I asked her

    "Are you just shy or you dont like me" she said "Nah i just dont talk much"

    So i said few times "Ask whatever you want its ok you can talk with me anything"

    She only asked do i have job. I said i dont and said where i was working before and my plans for finding new job.

    and after that she still she didnt speak.

    So my friends came to us and returned after 15 mins and i was alone with her again.Nobody said anything and after 7-8 mins she said "I must go" and she left.

    I was desperate so much after that for weeks.

    If my anxiety was 0 from 6 i would be able to talk all time and that would be fun to her and she would laugh and start talking with me.But NO i was the only talking and only one asking ordinary questions and it seems she couldnt find anything to speak with me.

    Keep talking about ordinary stuffs would be boring for her and for me and so at one moment i realise i should ler her say something but she didnt and neither i.

    That was a date where you go out for relationships for 1 day. Like her friends and my friends hooked up on first day they met,me and her went for the same but got nothing. I still remember how much i was anxious when i was waiting them with my friends,was so much scared.NO CHANCE i could do anything with that mood.

    (sorry for bad English)
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2017
  2. thatoneguy123

    thatoneguy123 Fapstronaut

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    You havnt found your kind of people
     
    Addictedsince13 likes this.
  3. Ali613

    Ali613 Fapstronaut

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    For one , that girl seemed very emotionless.

    It also seem like your suffering from Social Anxiety . Try looking into exposure therapy .

    NoFAP will definitely help you. It has helped me big time and it's only been 8 days .
     
    Strength And Light likes this.
  4. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Is it possible that the girl was very shy also? Maybe she really did want to talk to you but she was very nervous because she doesn't know you. She did not tell you that she didn't like you, that is something you are guessing. When you make guesses like that, you are creating the social anxiety. That's all social anxiety is really: Guessing that people don't/won't like you or that something bad will happen. It's like you are fortune telling, but fortune telling isn't possible.
     
  5. Rockhold

    Rockhold Fapstronaut

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    Don't ever ask if she likes you and don't ask what type of guys she is into. That will dry them up real fast lmao.

    Your insecurity is a massive turn off. If you don't like yourself, why would anyone?

    Get on NoFap first, try again when you have no anxiety. If I feel like my anxiety is up there, and don't feel in the mood, I won't try. You need to be on point, conversations will flow much easier also.

    You are unhappy and believe a chick will fix it. Try NoFap first.

    Just be your best, don't be afraid of how she thinks of you, and if it doesn't work out, move onto the next.
     
  6. Johnson Tr

    Johnson Tr Fapstronaut

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    I think you should give yourself some time. You aprroached a girl how awesome is that? If i were you i would go coffee shops sit in the table without a phone and just try to pass some time. You can't keep looking at the table so eventually you will have eye contact with people. This was something scary for me, i was having hearth attacks walking the secret trying to decide to look people or not. After nofap i look people in the eye and now, they have a hearth attack. Wear good, go to coffee shop even if you act all stupid girls will be like "this stupid guy looks nice". People used to call me walking anxiety so we can help each other out.
     
    Strength And Light likes this.
  7. immortal5

    immortal5 Guest

    Honestly, never understood social anxiety, what's the worst that can happen? You need to start forcing yourself to be more social, this will quickly become habitual, you can't learn to swim without getting wet. Never understood why most people got social anxiety, let's be real, everyone here will probably be dead in 100 years time so why waste your life being scared of living?
     
  8. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    So I am a little disappointed in the quality of responses you have been getting. Coming from 14+ years of depression with a side of anxiety hopefully I can offer a more helpful response than "go be more social!"

    You have a good start here! Yes, it is not perfect but you are making some good steps, like analysing the date, asking yourself questions about how you can improve, and you have sought out advice here! That's great!

    Social anxiety is tough to live with. Who can you get help from? What resources are available in your area? Which counsellors, doctors, pastors, support groups, or family members could you go to? Professional help has always helped me a lot with my depression and loneliness and I know several people with anxiety who have gotten help from professionals, too. What help is available?

    Dating with social anxiety is a challenge, but not impossible! Google "dating social anxiety" and all kinds of great tips come up! (Google it in your native language and you will be able to understand it better, even!). Other great search terms: "date suggestion social anxiety" and "date idea anxiety." Seriously, there are thousands of links and suggestions! You are not the first to have anxiety and date, which means you can read other people's stories and find which ideas work for you.

    For the date itself: I noticed you had a lot of yes-or-no and short-answer questions. "How long have you known my friends?" or "Did you ever go out on night parties in my city?" have very short answers and the conversation dies quickly. I have two suggestions to improve your conversations and (hopefully) make it less awkward.
    • First, people love talking about themselves. Ask people questions about their interests, hopes, dreams, and thoughts and they will talk forever! Ask her for her opinion of something, and ask her why she thinks that way (and really listen!). She will really appreciate it.
    • Second, ask open-ended questions. "Are you just shy or don't you like me?" is not a good question to ask because there is no good answer to that question. Either she is shy (bad) or she doesn't like you (and is bad for saying it). Instead, ask a question that starts with the word "what." "What" questions have no wrong answers and are very open. "What is your dream job?" "What do you like about ____?" "What do you think of ____?" "What kind of job do you do? What do you you do in a typical day?" ...All of these are open questions that get people talking. As they answer, you can ask more "what" questions to clarify or find out more about what they mean.
    I use these two tricks not just when I date - I use them when I look for jobs, too. I will meet with someone and ask them about their work, what they do, and what they think of the job, and they can talk for hours! I then know if I want to work at that company or do that job! Try it out!

    I hope this gives you something to consider. What do you think of these suggestions?
     
    Blackworld likes this.
  9. Blackworld

    Blackworld Fapstronaut

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    The Wrestler this is very helpful, thanks for writing it man
     
    The Wrestler likes this.
  10. Vilcox

    Vilcox Fapstronaut

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    Remember, 20-30% of females in western countries have mental problems.
     
  11. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    Where are you getting your statistics? I would really like to see verification of that, because that feels wrong.
     
  12. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you found it helpful!
     
  13. Blackworld

    Blackworld Fapstronaut

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    Can you guys like my post? I need for putting PMO signature
     

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