I'm completely afraid of my illusions, could you help me please? And I'm waiting for you guys

Hi, guys today is 30th of my reboot.
İ used to have thoughts about being gay in every reboot and in some times being pedophiliac but i didn't write about these thoughts before only the thoughts of being gay.

A few weeks ago i was watching a movie about gay and pedophile it was infographic, so I'd didn't have even a pictures about any of them.
At that moment i started to think about I'm gay i ignored these thoughts,then i started to think I'm pedophiliac but i also ignored these thoughts.

After a few days i had a wet dreams and it was pedophiliac and gay which makes me sad all this day. But i continued my life because after all it was just dream about my fears.

And right now I've just awaken from a wet dream and i don't know if it was pedophiliac or not because it was like any other normal dream but it suddenly changed into a sexual dream and the girl in this dream was all between my hand and i don't know if I encountered in sexual activity with her or not but i think i did, and after a while of watching her private part i ejaculated (both in dream and reality) to find these characters of the dream change into anime and then i waked up to write this post.

İ swear i didn't watch any children sex before and when i watched a clip and i felt that character isn't mature although she was old but i felt her mind may be immature i was completely depressed and i remember that i wrote a post here about it.
The only other thing that i may watch was on youtube channel of netflix a post i don't remember exactly the continent of the post but i remembered that i was close to be aroused but in the same time it was so young,so i thought it may be ad for their the pedophiliac movie that all people talk about and this was my only one time to think about something like that although i didn't watch it a lot or maybe few times and i tried to get it again but i couldn't ( to say ops! i just watched an arousing ad so I'll watch some porn )and in that moment i was ready to be aroused by anything. And even i was not it was really uncomfortable post that may arouse any one who are early in reboot. The story of this post happened long time ago. Not to mention that i relapsed many times after that by watching actual porn.

İt's also pointless to explain that i didn't watch any gay movies before because I did it a lot of times before.

İ know sex is sex whatever it was as long as it has sexual activity it would be arousing even if it was gay and you're not gay at all. Because it may push you to think about female and male not about gay.

Note: about a 5 days or a week ago my brother daughter wanted to sit on my legs and i was afraid to sit her even i was afraid to hug her because we didn't see each other long time ago. She's only 5 or 6 years old. But then i told myself i can't surrender to these illusions ,so i played with her as usual but when she sat on my leg i felt she sat on my dick,so i set her by my side because it's uncomfortable. And i didn't think about anything since then either about pedophile or gay.

But my problem is
I'm completely angry at myself why do i have these kinda dreams I'm not gay and I'm not pedophiliac why do i have these dreams.
İn addition to My conscience is torturing me.

all of my fantasies are about mature girls Which means they are old enough because I'm 22 years old,so sometimes i have fantasies about girls who are younger than me by 3 years maximum. These are my fantasies that i usually encounter every day.
Not to mention I'm trying to ignore these fantasies because sometimes it force to relapse.
Thanks in advance because i may not be able to reply.

 

Thanks for your reply but
Bro, did you read the whole post?
Can OCD affect dreams?

 

Thanks, bro
You really helped me