I'm cured! and let me tell you how I did it...

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by EyeTree, Sep 23, 2014.

  1. jfats100

    jfats100 Fapstronaut

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    We're probably beating a dead horse here (especially since the OP has yet to respond) but....

    I think you're missing some major concepts involved with NoFap.

    No where in this forum will you find someone encouraging you to "test" yourself. And just because you weren't aroused by your favorite celebrity doesn't mean you're magically "CURED!"

    Lastly, someone made some comments about your wife and how you could show a little more respect. I would agree here. If you were more focused on her, then you wouldn't be so concerned about some celebrity that lives in fantasy land.

    For everyone that's telling you "good job man, keep it up" - yes we're supposed to say that so he doesn't totally flop and give up. But let's be real, he's missing some major points.
     
  2. Iggy

    Iggy Fapstronaut

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    Sorry man, I think this thread was more of an attempt to convince yourself that wasn't a relapse.
     
  3. Rahil

    Rahil Fapstronaut

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    You hit the nail on the head. I'm guilty of doing that after my last relapse.
     
  4. EyeTree

    EyeTree Fapstronaut

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    The horse is not DEAD but rather very much ALIVE.

    That is still PMO free.

    Since my last post a lot happened. Most of you criticized me for my selected route, and I understand it. But I strongly disagree with you.

    I'm a strong believer that avoiding things that control you doesn't set you free - it sets you temporarily free until the next time it hits you. Living with the fear that something can pull you down is devastating - you fear the moment it will meet you again. Think about Superman and Kryptonite if you like. Psychologists call it a fixed-mindset related phenomenon. If you believe something is stronger than you, you actually MAKE it stronger than you. On the other side you can find the growth-mindset, where you acknowledge your current weaknesses, but understand that YOU can control them without avoiding them. Rather, you confront them and neutralize them. This is what I chose to do.

    First, I had to test myself as sexual content is unavoidable this days. Even porn-like imagery is unavoidable this days. I knew I had to "test" myself after the intense psychological self-treatment I went through. It worked, and to fortify it I chose to speak freely about it with my wife, friends, and even to lecture about it in high schools, helping teenagers to control sexual content.

    So, My name is Yoav, age 32 from Petach Tikva, Israel. Married to Hadar and a former porn and sex addict. I chose to live with my Kryptonite in peace, with me holding the upper hand everyday without any relapses.

    It might not work for everyone, but for those of you who feel anything like me - give it a try! find YOUR way to do that, do not just do what I did. It worked for ME, but might not work for you the same way.
     
    Seeker19 likes this.
  5. octonacho

    octonacho Fapstronaut

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    The title alone causes pause. Any addict or addict in remission knows that there is no "cure". As a fellow fapstronaut said "there is life with PMO and life without PMO" one is never "cured". Do not let your guard down enough to consider yourself "cured". If you are hear you realize that you have a weakness. The idea is to fortify that area of weakness and keep it fortified, make it's strong and protected, never intentionally expose that area of weakness. It might become easier over time to resist, but hopefully we know ourselves enough to realize that no matter how long it has been since we last PMOd, it will always be an area, that if exposed, can become an area of weakness once again.

    Are we all going to unintentionally come across pornography in real life and will there be situations that arise that will test our resolve? Absolutely! Those are the times and situations against which we fortify ourselves. I do not consider it wise or effective to throw yourself willingly into these situations of your own accord.

    I don't want anyone to come across your post and take that risk. Just my 2 cents.

    On a lighter note, I am glad you are still working on staying PMO free.
     
  6. EyeTree

    EyeTree Fapstronaut

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    You are leading and misleading.
    To say you don't have a cure for an addiction is neurologically not true anymore. Our brain is elastic rather than plastic. It can learn and unlearn neural patterns. You can make you weak addicted part of your brain redundant the same way you made it relevant in the first place. The brain is extremely utilitarian - if something is truly unused, it will "fade" away and be used for something else.

    You can be cured from a porn addiction like any other addiction - it all depends on the correct treatment.

    I smoked my last weed head 9 years ago.
    I drank my last glass of jin 2 years ago - I still have the half full bottle available.
    I drank my last soft drink 5 years ago.
    I drink only one cup of coffee a day instead of six, like I used to do.
    I stopped watching porn, while still freely speak with my wife and her girlfriends about sex and my former porn addiction.
     
  7. anthrope

    anthrope Fapstronaut

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    I completely second EyeTree! Neuroplasticity, or the ability to build new brain cells, is now proven. In addition, one of the main ideas coming out of addiction studies is that addiction is centered around a lack of self trust. When you understand that addiction is at its root about not trusting yourself, you start to see something very clearly. Octonacho speaks about how there is no cure, and now we can see that seeing oneself as fundamentally diseased or flawed in some way is not a strength in getting over our PMO addiction but actually its cause. Of course it gives us short term relief, to fortify a certain part of our psyche, and never change the level of trust we have in ourselves, but that sort of effort will ultimately either fail, or end up in creating deeply divided human beings. So I say start trusting yourself more, and when a voice in the head says "I will always fail" - see that voice for what it is, a habitual lack of self trust. I suggest looking at the work of Marc Lewis and Gabor Mate on addiction psychology for more on this.
     
    Seeker19 likes this.
  8. octonacho

    octonacho Fapstronaut

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    Thank you EyeTree & Anthrope. This is great information and references. I will definitely spend more time reading up on this.

    That being said, I wouldn't recommend that anyone who is new to making this change put themselves in a situation to "relapse". I'm only assuming, but it seems like it would take time for your brain to make weak addicted parts of your brain redundant. I may be wrong on this.

    I in know way believe that I will always fail or that we do not have the power to overcome. Humans are amazingly resilient and capable of change. Sorry if I was misleading.
     
  9. anthrope

    anthrope Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for listening and sharing Octonacho. We're all learning here together, and there's a ton of resources online that can help us understand and drop addictive behaviors once for all. I hear you though. I used to have the idea that you mentioned - there being no cure for addiction, and somehow guarding against those parts within us that like the addictive behavior. Trust me when I say I've tried that path, and dropped PMO for more than a year, and then again for more than seven months. However not trusting some part of yourself ends up making you seek the addiction again. I got back into PMO, and now I am trying a much deeper way, which current addiction studies support, and which makes sense in a deeply logical way. Imagine how it would feel when you trust yourself completely, and know that even when alone, with the internet and your computer in a closed room, you will not seek porn. Imagine how that would feel. You're right though - this is not for someone starting out trying to beat the addiction, but for someone who wants to finally end the cycle of addiction.
     
  10. johnf

    johnf Fapstronaut

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    Honestly , if you want to test yourself do not try it with porn, try to masturbate your self without thinking of anything sexually aroused for you, in that case if you have a great erection it is a sign that your problably recovered because you can be aroused whithout porn. I have done this 3 time, and it is really crucial that when you test yourself you are clearly not listening to your old pathways but ońly trying to build new pathways of a sexual life without porn and for the sake of knowing if you are recovered.
     
  11. JimmyParacas

    JimmyParacas Fapstronaut

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    I honestly can't believe this thread has so many replies...

    No one will convince OP he's not cured. By "convincing" some of us that he is, he "convinces" himself that watching porn was his evidence that he's "cured" from his desire to watch porn...

    I'm off to my lil sisters bday party and try to forget this guy forever, if I can forget such faulty logic and self-hipocrisy...

    Let's just move on with our lives
     
  12. EyeTree

    EyeTree Fapstronaut

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    I've done that also before my controversial test.
    And I think I didn't explained myself in a clear way.
    Other then "the test" I didn't, and still don't, consume any kind of sexual content (other than healthy sex with my wife). I do not need any further proof.

    I'm writing this from my former "red zone" - I'm alone at home, wife is out of town until tomorrow, more than enough computers with unfiltered internet connection (I uninstalled the K9 filter software), and some free time to do what ever. I don't have the slightest urge to watch porn AT ALL. I can, it is freely available if I might have a relapse, but I trust myself I will not do it. I don't want to do it. I don't need to do it.

    You can believe if you want, or be critical as you should, but it is the ONLY thing that really helped me. and by the way, this self-trust philosophy is useful for other issues in your life as well!
     
    Seeker19 likes this.
  13. me2222

    me2222 Fapstronaut

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    Don't see the success here and its dangerous to try and convince others to test themselves in this way. Its not about " testing" ouselves. Isn't freedom from the bondage porn causes us enough ?
     
  14. badguy

    badguy Fapstronaut

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    I have to say that this is why I sought this site out in the first place - to find freedom from temptation and support in getting there - and given the reponses you've had I severely doubt I'll get any help here. Being the first thread I read it doesn't give me a good impression to be honest.

    I beat smoking years back; I've had no urge or temptation to start again and that's exactly where I want to be with porn. Resisting by avoiding triggers isn't winning, it's just postponing failure. I don't aim to be constantly under a cloud for the rest of my life.

    Good luck to you OP, I'm going to look around some more and see if my hopes for what I'd achieve here are really misplaced.
     
    Seeker19 likes this.
  15. EyeTree

    EyeTree Fapstronaut

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    If you quit smoking, you can quit porn - it is only up to you. I'm here for you if you need someone to support you.
     
    Seeker19 likes this.
  16. Vision

    Vision Fapstronaut

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    Who knows, EyeTree might be right. I doubt it works like that for most of the people. At any rate I am not going to do the "test" I have enough of my own problems.

    Incidentally, "brahmacharya" (celibacy) in Indian traditions might take some advanced forms so that the goal is not just being free from any sexual urges in ordinary circumstances but even in extraordinary ones. Mahatma Gandhi is reported to practice these advanced forms of brahmacharya. For instance, sleeping naked with naked beautiful women in a relatively cold room so that the bodies had to touch. Even arousal would count as a failure. I guess today he might practice porn-wathing.
     
    Seeker19 likes this.
  17. Rewired

    Rewired Fapstronaut

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    Maybe a little side note to this discussion, but I'd like to know what techniques you're referring to here!
     
  18. EyeTree

    EyeTree Fapstronaut

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    I heartily recommend reading Mind For Numbers by Barbara Oakley - the title is misleading, this book is essential for any human being, not just for math students. It teaches very useful behaviour correction techniques while explaining why they work.

    More specifically, the book presents methods to tackle two behavioral problems that haunted me and actually drove me to be a porn addict: procrastination and uncontrollable habits.

    Simply put, by fearing certain kinds of activities, I chose the single most instantly pleasing activity instead - instead of studying, I would fap like there is no tomorrow. I preferred the very short pleasure over satisfaction.
    Once I used techniques described in the book, I was able to disassemble my habits and tackle the specific aspect I wanted. In my case, it was the belief in the habit. Once I changed my belief toward porn and its social manifestation, I got rid of the habit. Bottom line is that I now strongly believe at the inferiority of porn and its consumers, and therefore I'm not a consumer.


    I consider it a MUST read for every Fapstronaut around.
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2014
  19. Rewired

    Rewired Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!
     
  20. w-san

    w-san Fapstronaut

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    OP, can I ask you to edit your original post to put a NSFW filter on the specific actions you took in your controversial "test"? They've already been noted to be triggering for some members on here - and for me too. It gives me ideas of how to relapse.
     
    Getter Better likes this.

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