I'm done and will be single forever

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Ghost79, Mar 21, 2021.

  1. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

    After years of dates, dating apps and dating sites, I realize now that its just hopeless for me. I am exhausted and tired and feeing worse after every rejection. I tried so hard me best, been a gentleman to every woman I met while getting treated with disrespect in return. I really wanted to have a loved one in my life and to have children of my own. I envy those who have a loving family.
    But this acceptance does not mean I feel better one bit. Loneliness is everyday with me and only getting worse by the year. I am almost 42, I did had a relationship once that lasted a year, really wanted to marry her but that's another story. Despite her willing to marry me too at that time, her love it seems wasn't that deep for me, while I did everything for her! She is so ungrateful and I resent her now. I am very happy that I did had good times with her, we travelled, made love, spend time together alot but now I have nothing left but memories.
    I feel I am absolutely done and finished, it was my dream, my aim and my ultimate goal to have children with a woman I would be in love with. My dream is broken and shattered. How am I going to get thru this life alone now? I am waiting for the end now. I hope it will come sooner then later :(
    aplife, Fantareality, Fat Boy and 3 others like this.
  2. I can find myself es in your Story. Tryed to be good date being social.i have not had any contact with women for over 4 years now. I am afraid to go to women talk to them just becuae I know I will be rejected because I'm not a good looking man. I'm afraid I will not be worth it and will be laughter at.

    Just focus on your life man and being a better person don't get into the dating bullshit and all that nonsense
    FX-05 and Ghost79 like this.
  3. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    I am about forty now and can understand how you feel. Life and relationships can be tough. The reality is that many persons do not find that special someone to spend the rest of their life with. And in many cases if you do find someone it is not the fairy tale that you see in Disney cartoons and other main stream media. Wives can cheat and marriages can fail etc.

    I would not advocate that you simply give up on relationships but you do need a more realistic perspective on relationships. Depending on where you live getting married can turn very sour if your wife decides she wants a divorce. I would say you need to know how the law applies in the event you get divorced. In many places the laws favor the woman and as a man you can find yourself in a scenario that is way more depressing that your current situation.

    Secondly, you need to take a realistic look at yourself, are you the best version of yourself? You need to see if from the woman's perspective, would you be the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with? As hard as it is to think about it you need to ask yourself some hard questions, how sexually attractive are you? How financially well off are you? Do you have the confidence to attract women? Are you setting your standards too high i.e. maybe you are a 6 on a scale of 1 - 10 but you trying to land women who are a 8 - 10. How has porn affected your view of women? Are you emotionally regulated or are you all needy and winey?

    After you have had a hard look at yourself then you need to decide how am I going to improve, Do I need to exercise and eat well? Do I need to enhance my skill set to allow me to be a higher earner, do I need to heal emotionally and move past those past hurts that make me feel so low? Do I need to learn to be comfortable being single?

    The best advice I can give is that you need to build a life that women wants to be a part of, not build a life that centers around a woman.

    I would also give up on dating apps and sites, I have no experience with them to be honest but all the feedback on them I get is horrible. They tend to be superficial. I would say engage in social activities that present opportunities to meet new people. These could be physically or virtually but having the ability to bond and communicate with people who have similar interest is a good social outlet. And you may just be lucky enough to meet someone.
    CAKCy, Aléxandros, Lilla_My and 11 others like this.
  4. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your advice. But I felt even more frustrated after reading your message and the reason is because I am already the best version I can possibly be. I am out of things to do on what more I can to attract a woman in my life. I have a good income, beautiful house with several sleeping rooms and a garden but no one to share it with. I work out regularly and eat extremely healthy. But I still find myself unattractive, I don't want to look in the mirror anymore. People describe me as very friendly and a calm person. I am a introvert and sometimes not sure in myself and I need to be alone sometimes. This is a problem for meeting new people, but I am what I am. I have approached women on the streets, which took alot of courage but still getting rejected. I am just clueless now, there is simply nothing I can do more if everything I tried has failed miserably. Being involuntary single is like a closed metal door and time is not on my side.
  5. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    You have touched on some of the items I noted but you have not spoken on others. So you are doing well financially and you lead a healthily life style. How about your spiritual and emotional health? What about the women that you trying to attract, are you looking outside of your league? How about the impact of porn and the other areas that I queried. Life and relationships are tough like I said.

    Approaching random women in the street is not ideal in my opinion, just look at it from the other persons point of view. They have no idea who you are, the default response is to reject. People are normally skeptical of strangers. This is why I recommend social activities that allow you to meet people and form relationships. I am a introvert myself. If finding a significant other is a key focus you could easily be coming over as too needy. If you are insecure with your self this will show in your interactions with people. Think about the most loved people, they are confident, charismatic and sure of themselves. I struggle with insecurities the same way you do but I fight everyday not to let them define me.

    Rejection is also a big part of being a man. We all get rejected, there is no way to avoid this. Most of us have average looks, we are not GQ models. You have to get comfortable with yourself bro. We are both on NoFap because we recognize short falls in ourselves. Being in a good place is greater than just money and looks, you have to be good on the inside. You may never find that significant other but you can not let that derail your quality of life and happiness. Happiness found only in the validation of others is not ideal. You have to get your mind right.

    Me and three other guys off the forum have formed a support group on discord. We have a meeting once weekly and just support each other as needed. You are welcome to join if you are interested. We all use our NoFap alias. The next meeting will be this Saturday if you are interested. I have to be honest, having the meetings have been very therapeutic for me. Having the ability to share my concerns and have open conversation has been amazing. I believe it is important for men to have safe spaces where we can talk openly, bond and grow. Many of the struggles we face, we face them alone and often do not have persons to talk things through with.
  6. silentmike

    silentmike Fapstronaut

    Sometimes I think I was lucky when I meet my wife on dating app when I was 24 - this was my first girlfriend - I even never kissed a girl before. I was before on two dates, and that was when I was around 23. Why it worked out for me and my wife? I think she wanted a husband, stability, and to have children before being 30 - and I wanted to have family to stop feeling lonely. Somehow it worked out. I can add that she was from rather a poor family - and I had a car and had a well paid job with perspectives. I don't consider myself a handsome guy, woman don't look at me on streets or try to approach me. I am a kind of guy that would never have a chance of meeting a woman if there were no dating apps, simply because I don't have any friends and don't go to places where ppl meet. Maybe I was lucky, but that means you might be lucy too - so don't give up.
    Roady, FX-05, modern milarepa and 2 others like this.
  7. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

    My spiritual and emotional health is not well but could be much worse if I didn't eat healthy and be active. But I have gotten to a point where its just too hard to be positive anymore. That would just be in denial. I am looking for women that I find attractive but I don't think I am searching out much of my league. When I go to the city I see tons of beautiful women that I'd like to be with. I used to be addicted to porn for 2 decades but I havent seen any in the last 2 months now thanks to porn blockers. But I still fap sometimes but I try not too. Social activities are out of the question as long as Corona holds us in its grip and that can take months. So life is standing still while time is still going. I am good on the inside, I never have intention to harm any living being. Once I had happiness doing many things alone, but now I have gotten to a point that I simply want and need a significant other in my life for purposeand meaning in my life.
  8. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your nice wishes. There is little a window of luck left for me and I just cant stand being alone anymore to a point that I almost feel psychical hurt!
    FX-05 likes this.
  9. I feel you man. Dating is wack.
    2Rewire4Life, FX-05 and Ghost79 like this.
  10. Good advice!
    Ghost79 likes this.
  11. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    Are there any communities you can be a part of for the long run? Like an arts group, a church community, a musical endeavor, etc.? Places like these often have more continuous membership (people aren't just coming and going). So they present an opportunity to get to know folks really deeply over the long term. Even if you don't meet a woman that you end up marrying, you get to know lots of cool men and women on a deeper level than say somebody at work, or some distant acquaintances.

    I only mention this because I broke up with the person I thought I was going to marry almost a year ago, and since then I have gotten more involved in activities like I mentioned. While it is still frustrating to not have that person that I can give my hugs and kisses to, it's better than sitting around alone by myself feeling depressed.
    Ghost79, tiger-uppercut! and Deysonn like this.
  12. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    Then you know you need to start work on your spiritual and emotional well being, It would not be ideal to start a relationship if these things need work. Women smell weakness from a mile away, you need to get this right if you are going to have a good shot when the opportunity presents itself.

    This may sound strange but it is not about being positive, it is about be comfortable with your self and being happy whether you find a significant other or not. Like I said before, be careful what you wish for. Getting involved with the wrong woman can be a bigger nightmare than you think. You need to be in place to make a good decision regarding the person you choose as a long term partner. I am a little worried if a woman you find attractive gives you attention you will just accept her with open arms despite obvious warning signals.

    Two decades of porn is a lot of porn. I am not sure you are ready for a relationship. Has this use been consistent and frequent? If so you could easily have PIED and don't know it either. It is really key that you stay away from the PMO.

    Outside of your search for a partner, do you have any male friends. I find having good friends can fill up quite a bit of the void in your life socially. I suspect the covid-19 closures is only making your situation worst also.

    It is really important to form relationships in general. Can not stress enough that you have to get out there and engage when ever the opportunity presents itself again. Not just for the sake of finding a partner but just to be social and bond with others.

    A good solution in the current situation is getting a dog if you like pets. May sound silly but for many the bond with a pet is big help also.

    How would you rate yourself on a scale of 1 - 10? How would you rate the women you find attractive?

    As said before you are welcome to try the group I have going in discord, we meet on Saturdays at 11 AM Atlantic Time. It is an anonymous way to share and connect.
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2021
    Ghost79 likes this.
  13. ElSabio

    ElSabio Fapstronaut

    Hey brother, I can hear the frustration in your post. I have been there myself and it pains me to know other men are having the same experience. I have spent years feeling bitter and hopeless and have managed to struggle my way out of it. I'm just some rando on a web forum but I have some advice I hope you will take seriously. Get yourself two books. The first is Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns. This is the most important book I have ever read and it profoundly improved my life. It's not religious, it's not inspirational self-help that will have a short term effect. It is a set of techniques which you can put to use immediately and I think it will help you greatly. The second is A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis. Same deal as FG but more general in it's approach. If you get these books and they help you (they almost certainly will) please let me know. Get them and start reading FG as soon as you can. Don't wait. What you will teach yourself from these books is the mechanics of "letting it go" or "not dwelling on it" and how to actually "get over it" and "feel better". The problems I ran into with that kind of advice was "yeah that's what I want to do but how?" These books show you exactly how to do it.
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2021
    greenishmoon, Ghost79 and brassknucks like this.
  14. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

    Sometimes you gotta let go of those things you are grasping so tightly so that you can stop suffocating and breathe.
    Ghost79 and CarP like this.
  15. take a break, you need to be good with yourself first
    Deysonn and brassknucks like this.
  16. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

    Stay strong and God bless you! Good times are coming.
    Ghost79 likes this.
  17. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

    Sometimes not getting what you want, is a wonderful stroke of luck - Dalai Lama
    Deysonn likes this.
  18. AlexFightsAlex

    AlexFightsAlex Fapstronaut

    I understand your feelings man, because I was there too, and I have wasted a lot of time dwelling on that kind of obsessive thoughts. Note that the real power to attract someone comes from the inside. This means that in order to achieve what you want you need to become an attractive person (not in a shallow, post-modern sense, but a deep one). The way to become attractive is to "vibrate" in a state of high energy. This state is achieved with a combination of many factors, among them are:

    - No PMO whatsoever. Just this point opens the door for better and deeper changes in life, improvements, projects, etc
    - Good readings
    - Exercise and discipline
    - Faith
    - Passion for something. What kind of people attract more generally speaking, those who are passionate about something or those who aren't?
    - Happiness
    - Healthy social life

    I hope it helps. The higher you "vibrate", the more increased chances you have to attract someone into your orbit, someone that eventually will be the one that you will share your life with. This vibration is just perceived by women, it's as simple as that. The matter here is how this magnetism is achieved. Trust me that I know what I'm talking about. As I said I have always been sad about my singleness, except for a year where I implemented the things that I talk about, and "by coincidence" in that period I met my wife.
  19. since1995

    since1995 Fapstronaut

    Brother, I would recommend you to live your life the way you are stop chasing to find Miss right for you. Trust me we have all been to your situation and honestly you’ll end up find someone where you least expect it to be. God has made us all in pairs so stop chasing around. Live your life, eat healthy and admire yourself.
    Rosamund, Ghost79 and brassknucks like this.
  20. AlexFightsAlex

    AlexFightsAlex Fapstronaut

    I find that this argument is extremely weak. Forgetting about women and all the good things that they bring to our lives is like chopping your legs because they feel heavy, instead of finding a remedy for that heaviness. It doesn't make any sense.

    The right questions here are: How can I have a marriage that doesn't end in divorce? How can I become a good man and husband, so there is no need to talk about that?, etc

    Underneath all the MGTOW reasons, there is only one thing: "life is tough, let's simplify it so it doesn't hurt anymore". The point is more to be a better man than to hide from women, IMHO.
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2021
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