I'm done and will be single forever

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Ghost79, Mar 21, 2021.

  1. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    I feel there needs to be a balance. Life is tough and in modern society people are even less inclined to remain in long term relationships and this is especially true for attractive women. I would not encourage a man to totally exclude women from his life but at the same time you should not compromise your integrity as a person in order to find a partner. You also should not settle for a negative, toxic and dysfunctional relationship because you want to have a partner. These situations will never end well and will do you more harm than good.

    With that said, remain open to opportunity and evaluate the people you bring into your life. Also, understand the risk, divorce rape is real so do not be a fool either.

    In general I support healthy relationships but I do not support marriage. I do not support marriage because divorce laws are normally not equitable for men so getting married can be the biggest financial mistake you ever make. Unfortunately the way the laws are, it is a bad idea to marry down financially. This is a fact, so marriage becomes a financial decision masked by the veil of love.

    In general I never really got marriage. It two people want to be together, then be together and when you one decides they no longer want to be together then shed your tears and part ways. Governments and legal systems has made a simple scenario overly complex and normally disastrous for one of the parties involved. In a this modern society, we all need to be able to provide for ourselves, man and woman. We should not be seeking to ride off the success of our former partner when a relationship ends.

    In summary build yourself in all facets as a man, do not make a relationship the center of your life, be wise in the relationships you pursue and the woman you decide to have children with and until the laws change you probably should not get married unless your lady is loaded or you live in a state where prenuptial agreements provide the financial safety needed. Because you are in love it does not mean you should be a fool.

    That is my two cents!
     
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  2. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    Don't worry about that. Half of single women hate me and the other half ridicule me without even knowing me.
    I have watched porn very very rarely in the last year. It has become just too boring and meaningless to me.
    I have only 2 friends but they both married and moved to a city far from me and yes covid-19 closures has definitely worsen my situation. I can honestly say I am in despair and feel like I am drowning in loneliness in my loveless life.

    I cannot do that, my mind and heart simply cannot accept as life alone now is the normal way. I have lived my life as a single happy man long enough and I did enjoy those times but even then I felt lonely. Now I am the point that I simply need a someone in my life, it's a huge desire that i feel every hour of the day and it make me suffer inside. But then again I don't think its wrong to have a desire, this is what makes us human. I think the pain I feel should be my guide in life and that I should not give up and still persue but its just so hopeless, liking moving a mountain.

    I hope so, thanks. One change is that I have become more religious lately and picked up a free bible a evangelist gave me in the city.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2021
  3. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    I have been told by some people and colleagues who talk to me, find me very calm and polite! But in reality its just my big depression that numbs all my feelings and kills off all the dark and good in me. I just cant be bothered being mean to anyone, it costs to much energy.
     
  4. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    You have not used dating sites but advise to give up on them, based on "all the feedback"? Yes there are sites that are superficial but there are others that result in meeting a wonderful woman such as who married me. You attract the type of person that you are. There was mostly good advice in this thread. Don't give up.
     
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  5. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    People generally seem to speak negatively about dating apps, I have no clue like I said before. You should elaborate, give some advice and recommendations on good apps to use etc.

    Tell us more about your experiences and the app you used that allowed you and your wife to meet. How long have you been married?
     
  6. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    I don't get it I've been relapsing a couple of times a day for two years straight. Why DOESN'T PORN BECOME BORING TO ME?I really don't get how for some people porn just becoesecomes boring and they stop. While for me it's an endless spiral and I need my daily dose. sometimes I just wish to die
     
  7. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    You should find activities that you enjoy and that are productive - changing your whole life. The feeling of meaning and purpose with progress and happiness from being able to control your self makes you think porn as something bad. I do not know about p*rn being boring since I still get urges to watch it, good for the ones that think it is boring. I think almost everyone goes through a phase where they relapse for years, for me it took years to get consistent streaks going - replacing the act with everything possible helped - and also realizing that PMO is a deathly trap I want to get away from due to its negative effects on me. God bless you bro, just keep pushing.
     
  8. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    Normally you tend to search stuff that is more and more novel. Have you noticed any changes in your taste?

    Like Deej4y said, PMO recovery is more than just quitting porn. For most of us we turn to PMO because of other shortfalls in our life. So you need to look at yourself and identify those shortfalls and address them.

    You also need to realize what your triggers are, it is more than your sexual urges that drive. Could be something as simple as boredom and could be unhealthy as depression. Keep up the fight bro! This is a habit your really have to take serious if you wish to break it. Half assed measures do not work. All of my devices are filtered and prevent me from watching porn. I literally have to jump though hoops in order to watch. This really helps, porn is like eye cocaine that you can get a hit at the click of a button. Removing your ease of access is a critical step.
     
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  9. Neonitrosonic

    Neonitrosonic Fapstronaut

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    can i ask do you push away people that you like or come o too strong. You deserve love too but unfortunately only you can love yourself and i know how hard it is
     
  10. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    No, but I do get attached fast. I do love myself, I take care of my health and wellbeing.
     
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  11. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

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    @Ghost79 Your posts make my heart hurt. I see the same frame of mind in myself that you are expressing but I fight it off. It’s very frustrating. Fall hard. Attach quickly. Push away. Repeat. I have three suggestions:

    1) Talk this over with a counselor or therapist of some kind.
    2) Go do new activities where you can make new friends
    3) Join a church or some other religious body

    You might be right. You might not find a woman you can spend the rest of your life with. That wants to have your children. I might not either. But your posts scream a self defeating attitude masquerading as realism and I don’t buy it. From where I am sitting, it looks like the problem is that you are angry and lonely. Thats a problem I can relate too and so can lots of others. But it isn’t a problem a woman can solve.

    I hope you are able to make the changes that you need in order to find happiness and freedom. And the end of the day, male or female, single or married, gay or straight, religious or secular, woke or not woke, happiness and freedom is all anyone wants. Even the sadist who revel in their self inflicted pain, that’s all they want too.

    Go play soccer. Do something new. Shake yourself out of this mindset.
     
  12. I am with you in that I have found looking at beautiful women so desperate to look ultra sexy boring, almost comical, at last but it took long long years of strategising for it to come to this. Lots of downsides too and up all nights. I lost my 20/20 vision and wear glasses all the time now, too and I used to have nice blue eyes. I have also done a bit of inner child work, locating the source and even found that one of my teachers a scout master from when I was at boarding school aged 8 was abusing the boys in a very public and humiliating way. I dont blame that for my women troubles, (my trouble was no women for decades, literally). Reading helped me and so did a life coach but mostly I was desperate to find what the causes of my addiction were and THAT became my interest, my passion and finally my absolution. I am not so lonely but I am a little crazy from time to time and that has helped me, because I opened up about my vulnerabilities and had interests in science and nature. I dont' know if this will help you, but I hope you know you are not alone for even one second. Like the song from The Police, Every Breath You Take. I think that women might feel this vibration thing so dont be afraid to rattle your bars a bit from time to time and believe that your brain has plasticity, too. Whatever your intentions are now, and if that means getting into a relationship, then your brain is already growing over and around your past and soon, one day it will be unrecognisable to you. Build hopes and plant seeds of dreams and love yourself as a little pup who is gonna become that best friend anyone ever had, if you let yourself change. Tomorrow I might think differently, but today I know your not done, 100%
     
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  13. WotansVolk

    WotansVolk Fapstronaut

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    This may sound harsh, but you need to hear it. You are acting like a woman and not like a man. You are complaining that you dont have a woman, that most of them dont like you and ridicule you. Does it really matter? Do you really need a woman in your life to have meaning and to be happy?

    Im not gonna sugarcoat it for you, the very act of constantly searching for and trying to get into a committed relationship is female behavior. This is what women do. You are trying to find emotional safety in a woman, you want her to be the rock in your life which you can rely on. Bonding and becoming dependent on another person is a female quality.

    A man does not rely on others for his own success and happiness. He relies only on himself. He does not need a woman to have meaning in his life, to be happy. He ofcourse likes women in every way, and is open to meeting women and have a good time, but he is NOT dependent on them. He is his own unshakable mountain. Nothing or nobody can sway him from his goals, dreams or principles which is the most important things in his life.

    To be a man is emotional and material independence. A woman wants a man so if you as a man want a woman you must also act like a man and stop being a wuss. Only YOU can create the happiness and emotional safety which you are searching for. Rely only on yourself.

    Kill the boy and let the man come forth.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2021
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  14. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

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    This cannot be overstated.

    The internal assurance and self reliance described here is best developed by associating with other men that already have it. It is a learned skill that our fathers did not pass on. At least mine didn't. We break the cycle together, so that we can live alone with ease.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2021
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  15. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    Good Additions by Wotansvolk and Garek!

    I endorse their message! Modern society continually tries to create effeminate men, this is not a good thing. In general a woman does not find a feminine man attractive. I said this earlier, become a man a woman will find desirable, not a man who makes women the center of his world.

    Complaining gets a man no where, man up and take action. Define yourself, don't let society, women etc. define you.
     
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  16. Great posts!
    Nobody says it better than Rudyard Kipling's poem, as read by Sir Michael Caine on youtube: IF

    I agree with the two additions above and find it takes time to become someone in full, needing great inspiration and of course motivation like these two guys provide.
    I just stopped chasing women, for good. Now I want to find the proof I am a nothing less than a man, for myself.
     
  17. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    If you do what makes you happy, without caring whether or not you are in any sort of relationship with a woman, you are more likely to be attractive a modern woman.
    The confident ones I know, and I'm in a relationship with a super confident one for over a year now is this:

    The more your life revolves around a woman, the less attractive you will become.

    My relationship works because my life doesn't revolve around her. I know my goals in life and what makes me happy. Any woman is just a bonus. Of course, no cuddling and no sex are really tricky beasts to slay if you want to be happy alone.

    But if you want to include women in your life, you MUST find activities that are social in nature and target your personal interests. A good woman usually won't get delivered to your doorstep, free of charge.
    You must develop the skills to interact and keep a good woman. Only very few man just have that. Most don't and they struggle.

    If I had to give you one book to start on, it would be "The Rational Male", by Rollo Tomassi.
    He also has a talk on YouTube that pretty much sums it all up.

    And fyi, I was like you. Just wanting, even craving a women in my life. And I was a nice guy. But being only nice gets you nowhere in the long run. It's the teasing, the banter and the knowledge that you can do well without her.

    Read the book or listen to his talk.

    There is no greatness in life without sacrifice, as Jordan Peterson would say.
     
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  18. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    I came across the below video this morning, some good insight into what women think about overly sensitive men. It also hints at the need for solid male friendships. Interesting watch.

     
  19. Rosamund

    Rosamund Fapstronaut

    Wow, reading this text was very interesting. What was said in this post was completely rational and I think it is real.
    Let me add something to this thread. I am a girl and I have felt many times that it is difficult to bear loneliness, But the fact is that this feeling may not be fundamentally resolved even by getting married or having a partner. The first step to having a successful life in the future is to enjoy being alone. If we enter into a relationship simply to escape loneliness, sexual pleasure, or similar worries, that relationship will sooner or later break down.
    The best work is self-improvement; that's the basis of NoFap. Follow the tips above and try to enjoy your life without a partner or spouse; Until God puts her in your way at the right time.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2021 at 8:12 AM
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  20. Rosamund

    Rosamund Fapstronaut

    I am by no means a feminist; But I don't think the characteristics you mentioned are gender-specific. Every human being who wants independence or peace in life, whether male or female, must be able to find the meaning of life independently of the existence of another. As a girl, I agree that this advice is useful for everyone, not just men.
     
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