I'm done. I think it's time.

I don't like to think of myself as a "porn addict" because I dont really like masturbating to naked women or watching those hard core on camera sex videos on porn hub and stuff like that, however I do masturbate (or at least I did) to things that a lot of people would think is very weird. And honestly, that is where my first problem lies. I keep telling myself that "this isn't hard core enough to be porn" but if it increases sexual desire, if it gives you a boner every time, then it is porn, period.

I've tried so many times to stop. I believe I've been doing it since I was either 10 or 11. I'm 18 years old now. What's interesting is that every time I do it, I feel terrible, I feel guilt, I feel anxious, like something bad is going to happen to me, but at the same time, "it feels good" so that's why I keep going. It's as if your mind knows masturbating does more harm than good, but it's trying to trick you into thinking it "cures stress" or "it's the only way to make you feel better".

Answer this question, if you were watching whatever it is that increases your sexual desire on your phone, and somebody finally catches you watching it how would you feel? You would be embarrassed, obviously. I mean sure, this can be applied to any other guilty pleasure you have such as secretly watching shows like MLP for example (lol) but you get my point. If you stop doing it, that empty hole of guilt inside you will be removed.

It's hard though. It may seem like I'm already on a nofap streak, but nope. I'm on day 1. That's how difficult it is. I can't even go a week without doing it most of the time.

There was a point where I told myself that "I will stop forever once I get a girlfriend" while part of me still thinks it will be easier if I had one, I personally wouldn't even be able to have sex until I'm married anyway, so might as well stop the addiction now.

Not gonna lie, this week I felt like I would most likely be alone forever. I had thoughts such as "I don't have what it takes to get a girlfriend" and I know I can't be the only person who has had those thoughts. Honestly though, I think a lot of that self negativity has to do with the empty hole that masturbation causes. It is true, not all of us will find love. That's why we revert to finding sexual pleasure ourselves. However, regardless of the potential reality of the situation, it is still a toxic thought that we need to get rid of to grow as human beings. And always remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea. A miracle can happen when you least expect it.

I made this thread to officially announce that I am done with masturbation as of May 17, 2018. There will be urges, there will be moments where I feel like I might die from wanting to do it so bad, but it's time to grow, it is time to empty this dark void in my life, and focus on the things that actually matter.

Thanks for reading.