I'm done with PMOing..

Day 17:I felt good at many points of the day, alevated mood, was able to enjoy everyday things. This was an improvement. Also my attitude has changed. I feel more like a man and i have a no bullshit attitude.
Libido still flatlined, no morning or night wood.

 

Day 18: --BEGINING--I woke up feeling very frustrated about many things and also feeling fed up and angry that i have to go through this bullshit and worry about sex and be depressed and not be able to concetrate on things, while others are normal. It f@#king sucks and i hate it.--END--The depression got progressively worse as the day progressed, at one point i cried like a little kid. As the night got closer i started feeling better. I slept feeling pretty good. Also i felt some slight hints of libido.

 

Thanks for your kind words. I worry because i know from my previous relationship how things get messed up if ED happens not sometimes here and there but regularly. She starts thinking you don't want her and she doesn't feel loved and even though she says it's ok you can see how disappointed she really is. And sex becomes something i MUST do in my mind. Also i don't want to make another persons life miserable with my issues, just like i did with my ex's. I also worry about university because i can't concetrate one bit to study anything really and i'll fuck up there as well. I feel pathetic and deep down i think that when everyone around me doesn't get what they expect from me, they'll just leave me or get really disapointed or straight up won't give a fuck about me.

 

Day 19:--BEGINING-- I woke up feeling ok to good. I'm kinda lookinf forward to the things i'm gonna do today even though i don't know exactly what they will be.
--MIDDLE-- Depression hit hard and made the hours to follow an absolute hell.I'm thinking about my ex all the time and i feel terrible overall. Right now i feel somewhat better.--END-- I feel things way more right now. Things that made me husrt when i thought about them now tear me apart. I think it's because i'm not that numbed from PMO anymore. I think about my ex and the time we spend together and it's almost unbearable how much i miss her.. like the weight is just too much. Also i'm talking with a girl now and she really is wonderful and really into me.. and i am too, but i don't want to hurt her feelings if we end up being in a relationship, either with ED(if it's still not cured) but especially if i just dump her to be with my ex again in the future. This would be just too cruel and unfair for her.
All these conflicting thoughts are eating me up. Please help me.

 

Day 20: Just another shitty day. My libido is pretty much gone right now, no erections of any kind. Mood is terrible. Depression a little better than yesterday. No PMO combined with my break-up and cutting out sweets from my diet, has drove my brain crazy. The withdrawls i'm experiencing are massive and it does evertyhing it can to make me give in. It is making me go through hell. Eventually, it will accept that it has to live without P and M and without my ex and it will stop screaming in agony. Until then..

 

Day 21: --BEGINING-- I woke up with very mild morning wood and since then i feel a sensation in my penis like an urge to O.--END-- Very miserable day, my mind is a mess. Also, i;m getting some strange sensations in my penis but now arousal. It's like its nerves and structures are recovering from damage.

 

Day 22: Mood is improved today and i felt a slight horniness at times. Anxiety is a little up. No signs from dick yet.

 

Thanks, yeah that would be a good thing to do but it's easier said than done for me. I'm steill spending a lot of time with friends and family and i'm also training for atletics. I try to study a little too when i can concetrate. It's really tough inside me though. Many conflicting emotions and grief about my past. I try to keep as positive as possible though. Thank you for your encouraging words. When someone posts here and replies to my posts, it takes some pressure off me because i get to talk to someone about this and it also makes the process seem more real. Happy New Year.

 

Day 23: This day was good. I got some morning wood, maybe in the 60%-70% range. Hard to judge because i don't even know what 100% feels like. Hope to find out in the subsequent weeks. Mood was elevated, a very nice break from the horrible depression of past days. Slight horniness was there too, compared to the absolute dead libido i have experienced up to this point. Also, it seems like i think like i really am me. Hard to explain.. like all this time before the reboot i was in a constant fog and i was living like a ghost. Like i did not have the sense of being me in my body. Overall i felt better today than i have felt in a long time, so the process is working.

 

I don't really see this as competition anymore. It's not like i am trying not to PMO. I have hated it so much for what it has done to me that relapsing is not even a possibility in my head.

 

I drink occasionaly and have smoked too sometimes, i don't really like it though and it's not a habit of mine. Aside from the health issues they can cause though, i consider them much safer than PMO for a brain like mine, in the form of addiction because they are 'real life' things and they can't cause the psychological problems, social akwardness, anxiety, isolation and disconnect that PMO has been causing me all these years. And i say for my brain because this is definitely an individual thing. My best friend who is my age started watching porn the same age as me, around 12-13 and is PMOing multiple times a day ever since, sometimes up to 10 times a day, though this is a rare thing (most days it's 2-3 times) and he has absolutely no problems with it. Lost his virginity at 20 with no issue at all. He had sex like 5 times his first time and he was hard just from kissing. Whereas i had bad ED at 18. This thing affects everyone differently, so don't compare yourslelf with others. A person must do whatever they have to, to achieve the best results they can. If it's bad for YOU, kick it out. Nothing is worth your quality of life.

 

Day 24: I had a sexual dream las night. Although i was feeling horny, i did not have an erection. Whatever. My mood was ok today. I'm feeling a little more stable emotionally though i don't really know how long this is going to last. I also continue feeling my penis recovering from damage, like my actual organ was hurt and is healing. I don't find this strange though because i was doing some penis enlargement exercises at one point so i must have hurt its structures in a way. It looks a little healthier too. That's it for today.
If you have anything to say, feel free to do so.. i like disgussing about progress, mine or yours and sharing experiences. Goodnight.

 

Day 25: i feel mentally tired today, frustrated and restless.

 

Day 26: I just think i'll never have a normal sex life. My pelvic floor is tight from all the kegels i was doing i think i have damaged my penis from the enlargement exercises. Although i have been to doctors and they say thereis is nothing wrong physically, nothing feels right down there and i'm so jealous of guys who can have sex normally and enjoy it. I feel hopeless.