I'm drunk and alone

I wrote this a few hours ago before I took a shower and fell asleep in the middle of writing this. I had this story originally written in the reset/relapse forums because I was thoroughly convinced that I was going to reset or relapse.

Why am i drinking on a Monday as soon as I get home? I just poured 3/4 of a fifth of bourbon down the drain, I bought it Saturday evening after a company picnic. We were drinking a couple of beers and after the picnic was over, I was just getting started. I bought the fifth and was just sipping on it until I got to the bar where, I stayed up until 4 am with an old friend and had a great time. I haven't done that since last summer. Sunday I went kayaking with 3 friends and only drank 2 beers and took a sip off of my bourbon again. Today, I wasn't having to good of a day at work, I was sweating a lot and things were just not going my way. I saw a very pretty girl who I can't stop thinking about now. When I got off work, I felt obligated to start taking shots alone at home. I quit doing this last year for a reason. My urges to PMO were getting extremely strong. I kept telling myself I have a choice not to do this. My evil conscious was telling my dopamine to say F it and reward myself. I was sitting here thinking really hard, should do this? I wanted to so bad, until I got on here and started writing about it. Somehow my brain had turned the tables and all the sudden my urges started disappearing. That was 4 hours ago, but I have been getting urges for about a week now, wanting to PMO or wanting to get a girlfriend just so I can O more often. Its been almost 2 years since I had a girlfriend. I think I am more ready now. I'm glad I chose not to PMO today so I didn't have to start over. 15 days PMO free and counting!