I'm drunk and alone

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Be Normal, Jul 19, 2016.

  1. Be Normal

    Be Normal Fapstronaut

    I wrote this a few hours ago before I took a shower and fell asleep in the middle of writing this. I had this story originally written in the reset/relapse forums because I was thoroughly convinced that I was going to reset or relapse.

    Why am i drinking on a Monday as soon as I get home? I just poured 3/4 of a fifth of bourbon down the drain, I bought it Saturday evening after a company picnic. We were drinking a couple of beers and after the picnic was over, I was just getting started. I bought the fifth and was just sipping on it until I got to the bar where, I stayed up until 4 am with an old friend and had a great time. I haven't done that since last summer. Sunday I went kayaking with 3 friends and only drank 2 beers and took a sip off of my bourbon again. Today, I wasn't having to good of a day at work, I was sweating a lot and things were just not going my way. I saw a very pretty girl who I can't stop thinking about now. When I got off work, I felt obligated to start taking shots alone at home. I quit doing this last year for a reason. My urges to PMO were getting extremely strong. I kept telling myself I have a choice not to do this. My evil conscious was telling my dopamine to say F it and reward myself. I was sitting here thinking really hard, should do this? I wanted to so bad, until I got on here and started writing about it. Somehow my brain had turned the tables and all the sudden my urges started disappearing. That was 4 hours ago, but I have been getting urges for about a week now, wanting to PMO or wanting to get a girlfriend just so I can O more often. Its been almost 2 years since I had a girlfriend. I think I am more ready now. I'm glad I chose not to PMO today so I didn't have to start over. 15 days PMO free and counting! :)
    Getter Better and feo1966 like this.
  2. Antti Rytkönen

    Antti Rytkönen Fapstronaut

    Keep going bro! Don't give up! I'm on my 11 days streak now so we are pretty close. Nowadays, I try not to stay alone with my computer. Maybe that could work for you too? Anyway, stay strong! See you around.
  3. Enrique1

    Enrique1 Fapstronaut

    I'm really sorry man and I hope things will change for the better.
    You're doing great with PMO that's good!
    If the drinking really gets out of control a bit it might be a good idea to share about it with someone... well, what can I say, I would not dare to do that probably. Well, good luck with it all.
  4. Stay strong, AJ!

    I agree with Enrique - if you're worried about your drinking it might be a good idea to talk to someone about it. Was your cigarette relapse because of the drink and lowered resistance? (I'm not lecturing, I'm struggling with giving up smoking myself! It's bloody tough!)

    You're doing fantastically, AJ, give yourself credit, give yourself a chance and give yourself hope - I hope you can do something really positive and enjoyable today!

    Keeping your streak is a great achievement!
  5. Halt1964

    Halt1964 New Fapstronaut

    It's great you're reaching out.

    I'm in AA and I can tell you that it works if you really want it. I am clean and sober today and work the program. There are so many wonderful benefits of the program and I would suggest you give it a try. You have nothing to lose.

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