I'm feeling too guilty, I'm waiting for your answers

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Black_Knight 1998, Jun 27, 2021.

  1. Black_Knight 1998

    Black_Knight 1998 Fapstronaut

    Hi, guys
    İn the last relapse, i watched some transwoman masturbation porn and i masturbate to them and there were scene i didn't masturbate to it but it was disgusting, so i was Skipping it till it ends because i feel i couldn't close it and i was still reading the name of the scene to be sure that's was a transwoman because it wasn't obvious if it's transwoman or male wears female's clothes and read the word transwoman (in the title of scene)hundreds of times because it was disgusting and i hate to watch normal males.
    Actually I'm avoiding looking at the males in normal porn scenes.

    İ only watch transwoman porn only to know how to masturbate in new way. And sometimes i want to watch transwoman with girl.

    My problem is
    Although i hate to watch transwoman but i watched and there were disgusting moment and i tried to skip till it ends. But i feel guilty for watching transwoman although during my session i watched a lot of the usual porn stuff but i feel more guilty for this because i made a promise i won't watch it again if i relapsed but i did .

    And my mind is trying to tell me I'm gay and when i say I'm not and i hate to watch males my mind is telling me i watch transwoman and i masturbate to them , when i say but i don't like to watch males I'm Just doing it to masturbate in new way and during ejaculation I'm looking at their female features. İ find my mind is telling me ok if you're not gay you are bisexual....
    Whichever is something hard.

    So all i want to know
    İs there a normal male who may watch transwoman ?

    I'm sorry guys for the inconvenience and thanks in advance.
    Note: I'm not always watching transwoman as a part of my relapse session but it's from time to time and because of these thoughts i mentioned above i always find myself watching ample of the usual staff after watching a transwoman scene.
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2021
    +TenPercent likes this.
  2. I’m not normal, so I can’t answer your question even though it does not seem so abnormal to me. Even 20 - 30 years ago there was transwoman porn on video tape … so it’s not a new phenomenon.

    personally, I never watched to much of it, but when I did I would get triggered seeing that many of them had a bigger peepee than me and wondered if I should be a transwoman.

    but I just could never live that way knowing I would never be as pretty as a real girl. Some of the she males are super hot, but I wouldn’t be one of them. :oops:
  3. 野良西木

    野良西木 Fapstronaut

    I have several answers for you,
    The thing about your brain convincing that you're gay is something that's called HOCD, (or you might actually be one idk), but actually many people are suffering from this because of the frequent and more extreme use of porn. HOCD is when your brain won't stop asking you if you were gay and this sort of question often brings negative feelings ranging from anxious feelings and even wanting to die.

    About the transwoman, an interesting thing was found out accidentally about how the brain works. The test goes like this, every time the doctor is feeding the dogs, he rang the bell, after many times of repetition, whenever he rings the bell, the dogs began to salivate, this proves that our brain relates things that bring us pleasure and when we sense it with our sensory organ our brain fires up reaction so that we can get the same pleasure again.

    Lastly, when you watch porn, your brain releases a hell ton of dopamine, frequent use results in too much of dopamine flushing into your brain, thus, your brain closes some of it's dopamine receptors, and now you'd need to watch more extreme porn to reach the same high that you've reached once.

    Good news for you is, all of the problem I've listed can be healed in a matter of 3weeks or more, your brain rewires itself after a certain amount of abstinence from porn.

    Hope my answers helped, good luck nofap

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