I'm in a bad place and my morale is fragile right now

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by RisingTide2001, Nov 30, 2019 at 7:13 AM.

  1. RisingTide2001

    RisingTide2001 New Fapstronaut

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    Without going too much into the details because I dont want anyone in my family to find out whats happening in my life right now..(I know they use this website and I'm going to be intentionally vague)

    Basically I've failed in all aspects of my life.

    I'm broke, unemployed and lost a couple of years of my life because of an extortion racket taking away my opportunity to go to college, I still can't go. People are too powerful for me to take on legally, I just need to shut up about it and pay them.. and I have no money for it

    I had a very rough childhood thats messed me up and given me severe psychological issues. I'm constantly paranoid, anxious and horribly depressed from time to time(seen a psychiatrist, not self-diagnosing)

    To make things worse, I met this wonderful girl last year over the internet and we hit it off really well, almost a year into the relationship.. I find out she was cheating on me for 4 months, I took her back thinking she will change and stuff. It was good for a while, it really looked like she changed, 2 months later, she started college and has been ignoring/neglecting and treating me badly.. It makes me feel really really unloved.

    After the extortion thing happened, I fell ill(probably from the stress) and couldnt get out of bed for 4-5 months and I steadily lost all my friends because I refused to go outside and deal with the world. Now I have no friends and no social life.

    Porn isn't even a problem for me, its a symptom of life absolutely falling apart.

    My entire social life right now:
    Just a few friends online that I don't talk to much and my cheating girlfriend.

    I keep studying most of the day to keep myself from losing the last shred of sanity I have left. My day consists of mostly errands, studying, working on personal projects and unfortunately porn that I've tried to quit for 2? 3 years now? Its gotten better but I seem to relapse when things get especially bad.

    I'm not as healthy as I should be. I don't smoke, drink alcohol or do drugs.. never have and never will but my general fitness has gone downhill because of a serious loss in wanting to do anything in life anymore. I get really bad thoughts to end it all but I know I'll be hurting people if I do that so I try to snap out of it. I don't want to end my life this way.. I really want to make something of it.

    I'm just lost, angry and really depressed. I'm gonna close this post or delete it in 2 weeks or so if I'm allowed to make sure people at home dont see it. Thanks to whoever sees this
     
    azdak likes this.
  2. RisingTide2001

    RisingTide2001 New Fapstronaut

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    Well to anyone who is reading this.. There's an update.

    Not long after I posted this.. I had a talk with her and we broke up after a year together. I don't feel too bad about it.. but I think thats just the initial shock? let what happened sink in completely I guess. I think breaking up was the right thing to do, she told me she does not love me anymore and I've been feeling the same.. Plus the resentment I had for the cheating never went away.
     
    azdak likes this.
  3. itz_gioc

    itz_gioc Fapstronaut

    I see your going through some rough times right now. And throughout your experiences your trying your best to move forward. You feel lost, depressed, and angry.

    To be honest that’s what most of us feel throughout life. The real question is what can we do RIGHT NOW to help ourselves improve in those areas?

    So here I got some suggestions:
    1. Plan your next move - if you have any goals it’s time to take the next step. Try to look for a job at least to keep your mind busy and earn some income.
    2. Work on yourself. Start to exercise, eat healthy, meditate(pray), and no PMO.
    3. Have a career plan. Your working on side projects correct? Use those projects as a portfolio to apply with your resume.
    4. Stay focused and don’t let distractions get in your way. There will be GOOD days and BAD days, there will be women who might get your attention, you may find yourself in a bad situation, etc. Take each day as a step forward towards your goal and don’t let it stray away from your path.
    5. Don’t be dependent, become independent. As for now, try not to depend on your friends or family that much. They may assist you through some parts but you will be the only one on your journey.

    Remember the past is the past. You’ve gone through a breakup, you can’t find a job YET, and your depressed. Your probably at the lowest point in your life. But it doesn’t mean you should give up. If you learned from your experiences it’s time to adapt to your situation and make some changes in your life. I won’t be able to do that, your friends can’t do that, your family can only support you for so long..., only you can make these changes.

    So what are you gonna do? Sit at home and contemplate about all the bad things and feeling sorry for yourself OR are you gonna stop acting like this and start planning your life. The choice is yours...

    Sound good?
     
    azdak likes this.
  4. azdak

    azdak Fapstronaut

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    There is no shame in admitting that your life is hard. You have reasons to be depressed and to feel suicidal.
    From a Buddhist perspective, life is suffering. But does it really have to be this way? Or does this amazing organ we call the brain enable us to see things under a different angle?
    I broke up with my girl at the end of September. We had been together for just under a year. I'm still pretty beaten up about it, but I won't let it get the best of me. Because you learn from your past relationships and mistakes. And that is the amazing thing: every second you live is an opportunity to improve yourself. It probably sounds very cliché and corny, but I really mean it: feel terrible? Sweat it off at the gym. You'll feel 10x better all while improving your health and your looks. Depressed? Questionning your existence (do we really know what we're doing anyway? lmao)? Read a book. I'd personally recommend Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, I have learned so much from it, as well as Alan Watt's "The Wisdom of Insecurity. I always come back to these two; there is just so much relevant and powerful knowledge contained within them. As itz_gioc said, keep your mind busy. Try shifting the relationship you have with yourself by turning from your worst ennemy to your best friend.
    Love yourself. It's hard, but we all need to. For ourseleves and for others.

    Best of luck!
     
  5. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    Alright bro. Stop being a bitch and complaining about your problems here and go fix them.
     

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