I'm just so angry

Honestly, you are 4 months into a relationship with him and he is devaluing you. Cut your losses and move on.

 

Been there and done that. I'm surprised my phone hasn't fried in my hand with all the tears that have poured onto it. As you read you will see it reassuring and frightening to see all of us might have different stories to tell but the narrative is very much the same.
I wasn't one of the SO's who got shoved away. Mines porn addiction only left me feeling like a cheap and used up tool. I would have wanted him to not touch me, so it's hard to put myself in your shoes to that extent but I can assure you being in mine sucked just as bad.
You will find a ton of support here, and God knows you will need it. I didn't think I would and then the more I read the more my heart ached and still does as I identify with so many other SO's who could walk by me on the street and wouldn't be able to find one thing in common based on apparent face value. But our words have more commonality than I'd like to see any group of ppl share ever.

 

I was in pretty much the same boat. Only months into the relationship and then down the rabbit hole of PA, PIED, DE, and I found my way here. Thank gawd. NoFap is generally super supportive and reflects the whole spectrum of PA and SA along with the SOs. You'll see the best and hope. You'll see the worst and despair. Everyone's journey is unique but you'll find many things in common as Bel mentioned. I'm in a limbo of sorts at the moment. If I could go back, though, I'd be sorely tempted to do just as sadgirl said. Cut and run. My name says it all. You can read my journal over in partner support. Lots of us have them and there's comfort in not being alone. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do.

 

I agree with sadgirl. 4 months in and he is openly betraying you and you are allowing it. You teach people how to treat you. So you have a choice here.

 

Read the boundaries thread.
If he can't get on board with boundaries and consequences, then move on.
That's MY advice.
Those who do the work are worth saving the relationship

 

I see this situation as a woman who has been married to a PA for 14 years. 4 months is a drop in the bucket of time. I know it feels like so long, but you have the rest of your life ahead of you. The sex was wonderful and you felt loved at the beginning because you were a novelty to him. Now that he is used to you, he has gone back to porn. It will only get worse. If an almost 40 year old woman had told me straight when I was dating my husband, I wish I would have listened. I deserved better. And so do you. And he won't change for a 4 month relationship. Guarenteed.

 

The honeymoon phase of a relationship is supposed to last the first 6-9 months of a relationship

If yours has been cut down, damaged or broken.... Then from a psychological standpoint, it wasn't valuable from one side.

 

This is what I was thinking. If he's over it in only a matter of weeks then I'm guessing he's got a serious problem. Most likely, this won't just go away.

I'm guessing you have a serious battle in front of you. I'd recommend determining if he's worth it - and then requiring measurable change as a requirement for him staying with you.

Ask him what he wants - a living breathing female or porn?

 

My dear @Death Mammal,

I am a recovering addict, and I am in tears at your post and the replies. NOBODY deserves this. YOU don't deserve this! YOU are worthy of better, YOU are worthy of true love and affection and pure desire untainted by porn. How I despise the effects that our addicton has on women, how we men destroy your self esteem through our instant gratification lusts.

It saddens me to see just how few men even admit that they have a problem, and even if they do, ofter are even less able or willing to truly grasp how utterly devestated their SO is. Maybe I am wired differently to most men, but I am still shattered to my core at what my choices did to my wife, and have made it my life's mission to try restore her self esteem.

Unfortunately, it appears that most addicts don't "get it", and will argue with most of the ladies who replied to you that porn wasn't so bad, that the poor self esteem wasn't the result of them watching porn and every other excuse in the book used to justify their behaviour. It makes me so mad reading their bullshit that at times I stay off this site to avoid making comments that may get me banned!

The only positive I can see in your situation is that possibly, you are fortunate to be at this crossroads after only four months. You haven't invested years or decades like some of the other SO's here, and unless your man makes radical changes, cutting your losses now will be "easier".

Whatever you decide, I wish you everything of the best, PURE untainted love, and good health.

Wazzbler