Im lonely and I fucking hate myself.

Bro, you have nothing to fear. We are young (Im 20) and we still have a lot of youth left. Believe me, our human flaws are no obstacle whatsoever for being loved. We all have them, even big flaws, but being loved is not about achieving perfection. You will be loved by a woman someday. I assure you people with a far worst past and defects than yours have been loved anyway. What makes you think you won't be loved? Your flaws? That is absurd. I have known women who have been in love with men that really seemed to have nothing good in themselves. They weren't virtous, successful or even attractive. Sometimes this type of men don't even wan't to change or overcome their vices and they are still loved. You are better that a great deal of them. Besides, you want to change and make a superior version of yourself.

You shouldn't worry about not being loved by a woman; you eventually will, just be a bit patient. A more valid concern would be to be ready for that moment. When someone falls in love with you, you would want to be a great man in order to love her back. You would want to be disciplined, strong and temperate. For her and for your children if you want to be a dad. In order to do that, you should work on yourself. By reading your message, I assume you have already started that journey by dealing with your past and your addiction. By losing weight, rebooting and trying to improve. Thus, I'm sure you are going in the right direction. Just keep going and fight for it.

Sometimes I also feel like trash, like not being worth of anything. But that is not true, those are just irrational thoughts we have in the midst of our inner battle. Think about the luminous and good aspects of your life and not just the dark ones. Be grateful about them and that may help you to see the way to the future. Keep going on bro. We can't remain static, because life always changes either for good or for bad. Just make sure you do it for good.

 

First of all, congrats on the streak.

I struggle with laziness too, so I know where you're coming from.

I would recommend a three-step approach to help improve your life and your self-image:

1. Reflect on yourself, think about who you are and what you want, and why you haven't changed. You seem to be pretty conscientious and aware of your mental state, which is good.

2. Develop a realistic, manageable, and specific plan to change the things you wish were different. Be honest, and don't assume you can't fix a certain problem. But don't throw the whole plan out if you mess up one day - just make it slightly more manageable.

3. Follow this plan once. Pick one day within the next week (mark it on your calendar) where you agree to follow your plan the whole day. At the end of the day, reflect on how it felt, and ask yourself if you could do it again.

Be positive and encourage yourself to keep going. Try to avoid negative thoughts as much as you can. Hopefully, after completing step 3 you will feel confident enough to do this again. After it becomes routine, you should be automatically motivated every day and follow your goals without having to think about it.

Cheers

 

Take it one day at a time. I didn’t get any real good loving from a woman until I was about 20/21. When it happened though she picked up on me after seeing me inside a store.

 

What I hear is that you have tons of energy, and it's raging through your mind and body. It's like reading a bullet as it travels from the gun all over the place but it doesn't hit anybody. Nothing to say but I have been there, one time I made all these memes about why I hate myself and wanted someone to beat me to death with a baseball bat and keep hitting after I've long stopped breathing, and the rest were of the same nature, just really furious about so much shit. What to say but thank you on this Saturday night for writing that.

 

18 days is maybe even longer than I ever did, so you are not the worst. I believe that you got potential. Try to make actions dictate your feelings and not the other way.