Im "loop" and im new. This is my story...

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by lordofporn, Nov 27, 2017.

  1. lordofporn

    lordofporn Fapstronaut

    Hi, im new at this website, but not new at porn. My addiction grown with me since i was just a child (around 9y) and discovered the masturbation (i wasnt got abused, maybe it was Hypersexuality) and i never stopped, its got worse along the years draining more and more time of my life.
    I dont want to share my name, my nick will be "lordofporn", but i think "loop" sounds better and discribes me at the same time.

    I remember at the years 2012/2013 i was addicted to online video games and porn, i was in a loop, the day started and i played games after few hours was watching porn, i was moving from porn to games, from games to porn all day long. I was watching porn even while i was eating, its was all of my life.
    At 2014 i quitted video games, its was painfull, after a year and like 6 month i got control over the video games finally, at the same time i tried to control my porn habit but i never quitted porn, i just reduced the time i was wasting on it.

    Now this year (2017) i was trying to quit porn at march, but i relapsed, and i though that watch porn it was something right, thats makes me feel good, so i believed in the lie that watching porn wasnt bad at all, and day after day, week after week, month after month, its was getting worse, now here i am, spending most of the time that im awake watching porn, thinking in fantasys, looking at anything that turns me on, even things that are not porn, now when i look a girl at the street its turns me on, sometimes its not necessary a hot girl ( for average ppl) but for me its enough for drives me crazy and horny.

    Thats most part of my story and the reason why im here doing Monk Mode for at least 30 days.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Added 10-02-2019 (DD-MM-YYYY)

    The past year (2018) was difficult for me emotionally and had problems with my studies, so guess what, i relapsed i was involved with PMO most of the time, few moments i tried quit PMO but i failed, and every time i failed i was thinking that maybe i'll have to learn how to live with PMO, thinking that maybe wasn't that bad, all i was thinking on were excuses for keep staying into that Loop.

    PMO is the easy way for me for be happy (fake happiness).

    The last months i started to lose control over PMO, spending more and more time each day, so i decided that i have to stop it and try to overcome this addiction again.

    Thanks for your time reading my post. Keep strong and don't give up.

    (English its my second language, sorry if i made any mistake/mispell when wrote )

    >> My journal updated <<

    My 2019 goal: i'll never give up, even if i relapse, i'll keep trying.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2019
  2. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to NoFap, Loop! It’s unfortunate how early children get into pornography; I myself was around 10-11 when I started even before puberty. Just know that here, many are facing a similar fight as you, so you can always find encouragement here.

    If you wish to do so, you can create a journal of your progress here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/ages-25-29.19/ I and many others find journals to be useful for expelling our thoughts as well as gaining extra support.

    Your English is good too, don’t worry. :)
     
  3. lordofporn

    lordofporn Fapstronaut

    Thanks very much, today i started my reboot.
     
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  4. lordofporn

    lordofporn Fapstronaut

    I updated my story. Just wanted to share a bit more of my life.

    Thanks
     
  5. thank you for sharing your true experience many of us has somehow similar type of history ,I started masturbation when i was 13 and tried to quit but never get success always relapsed again and again even now after 12 days i relapsed now again i am going no pmo for 5 days and hope to never relapse again
     
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  6. Menta_Na

    Menta_Na Fapstronaut

    Your brain is always going to come up with lies and try to deceive you into thinking it will be ok to pmo. don't believe the hype. think about what life will be like without it, and revel in the fact that with it you do not have the possibility for this life. stay strong, keep you're head up.
     
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  7. what is meaning of menta na
     
  8. Menta_Na

    Menta_Na Fapstronaut

    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Protagoras

    Protagoras Fapstronaut

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    Welcome. Here are some things working for me.
     
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  10. Rebelde24

    Rebelde24 Fapstronaut

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    Hellow, my friend, I want to improve my english, I think we could talk.
     
  11. lordofporn

    lordofporn Fapstronaut

    okay! i'll send you a private message.
     
  12. Hey Loop! Good to see you here!!

    All of us have our own reasons to explain our compulsive sexual behaviours. But deep down: Our heart longs for something and porn promises us that.

    As we give in and continue, the enemy sets up camps in our heart, adulterates it and sucks all our vitality and energy so we remain enslaved for it fears on what we may become if we obliterate all the slaveries.

    I believe that years of debauchery makes us feel weak and hollow and incapable to get real girls and make us feel worthless. And then we end up seeking these demons and end up giving in. Post M, no man ever feels masculine and strong. You feel worthless and weak. And the loop continues.

    I was trapped in this loop for years and so were most of us.

    I ask you: What does your heart really wants? What are the things that P allows you to hide temporarily and things that make you feel weak as a man? What can you do to start facing them and listen to the true voice that's always there to guide you?

    See, that's what your heart desires. You are actually seeking to connect with the real female.

    Never worry about that. You actually did a good job brother :)

    I have been recommending this book to a lot of people here and so I would advise the same to you. Hope to see you more active here ;)
     
    lordofporn likes this.
  13. lordofporn

    lordofporn Fapstronaut

    @Brahmakumar101 thank you so much for your time, i really appreaciate it

    Those are really good questions, im going to think about them, when have an answer i'll post it here.

    See you soon guys, ¡today im still clean!
     

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