I'm losing my belief.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by CasualMe95, May 10, 2015.

  1. I've been relapsing for about 1.5 years now. Every time with more knowledge and I am constantly reading on how to remove this addiction.

    But whatever I do I keep failing. I dont know. I'm losing my belief that I am actually going to get cured from this. I fucking hate it but its got its grip on me. I have given up social media, dating sites, trigger site etc.
    All the way to the point where my friends and people I know starts to complain that is really boring that I am so anti-media. I'm not anti-media. I just have a problem. But the thing is, I'm not really sure that quitting social media and isolate myself from my friends and the world is such a great idea.

    After all, were here to remove that isolating anti-social behavior and start living the real life. Alot of that real life is partly online and blocking that out is something that I'm not very sure about.

    I'm failing my belief in myself and my self confidence. I dont know what to do anymore. I'm lost.
     
  2. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    you are not lost. you are a guy who is addicted and who is trying to get cured - otherwise you would not be here!
    this journey is a permanent up and down of moods/feelings.
    your 30-day-goal is very good. try to reach it. do whatever it needs to reach it. be strong. :)
     
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  3. Proxydore

    Proxydore Fapstronaut

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    Hello CasualMe95 !

    Excuse me for the dumb question, but maybe it will help : What do you think you should do to overcome your difficulties ? What do you think you should change in your life to not love PMO anymore ? Sometimes - and maybe it is your case - we know the answer, it's very simple, just here, in us, but we just don't acknowledge it.

    Do you think you keep failling because you do not give to yourself the authorization to succeed ?
    Do you think that P gives you something important - stimulation ? masochist self-destruction ? dreams ? purpose ? ... - that you can't find elswhere yet ?

    Our common point on nofap is that we all use the same false medecine - P - to problems that are really differents. What are your problems ? Why do you keep failling whereas you REALLY want to stop, whearas you have read 10 000 pages about the benefit of NoFap ? Why is it that you can't stop ? Why is it that you can't stop destroying your life and your chances of happiness ? There is very big psychological reasons behind this behavior, that are specific to you, and you have to aknowledge it.

    Is it the fear of failling ? The fear of succeeding ? The fear of change ? The fear of social rejection ? The fear of loosing something ? The fear of action, of effort ? Or is it the love of self destruction ? The love of your own vile situation ?

    I'm sure you know the answer, and I am sure of something : if you didn't change in 1.5 years, it is because somewhere in your mind, for a very obscure reason, you don't want to change at all. I think your strengh is not the problem - you must be really strong if you kept trying and trying again for all this time even in the faillures. The strongest man in the world couldn't carry a bag of potatoes if he thought that this bag was full of snakes wainting to bite him. What is it, in your mindset, that keeps you from succeeding ?

    But maybe I am totally wrong, sorry if it's the case ! :D
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2015
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  4. Neckbeard

    Neckbeard Fapstronaut

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    Not gonna sugarcoat anything. You must have more self-control/determination OP, otherwise you'll keep failing. This isn't easy, but if you can get over the first few months, you'll never need to worry about it again. What's a few months? Keep that in mind.

    It might even be shorter for you. I've been PMO'ing for 15 years, and my longest period of abstinence during that time was 12 days (last week).
     
  5. Maybe a dumb question. But sooner or later someone has to say it to make it completely clear. I have no idea what to do right now. I'm not sure what it is, I just felt like I dont give a shit anymore, why? maybe because I'm worried about my work situation. Going weeks when working full time is easy. doing it now is a constant challenge.

    I would say its the fear of failing to the point where I can't have successful sex but I am relying on the internet to provide me that. Thing is, my best friend is constantly onto me that I need to get laid because she can tell that "I need it" and that too is a hugh pressure. I dont know if shes actually right, if its laid and a real person there for me to rewise to the reality instead of the internet.
    I keep denying it but I dont know if shes actually right. If I really, really miss the real thing and can't get it and thats why I turn online because online I can find something, anything. And even "better" my wildest dreams.

    I'm not that sure that it is necessarily PMO that I can't leave. But maybe the desire to have sex, to have an orgasm. To feel sexual pleasure and I can't find that irl. But these are just speculations.

    No i have the strength, I just need to know how to turn it.
     
  6. My longest period was 35 days. And I've done 1 month(ers) 3 times and 20+ days several times. I just can't figure out how to go farther.
     
  7. Proxydore

    Proxydore Fapstronaut

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    Maybe your friend is right : if its the orgasm that you search in porn, why don't you find a girlfriend that you really would love and with whom you would have sex naturally ?

    Also, do you practise a sport ? If you engage yourself 100% in a sport you will :

    - Evacuate all the stress from work
    - Meet new people (and new potential girlfriends)
    - Be in a better shape and more attractive to women
    - But most of all, it will allow you to redirect your horniness into something productive and usefull. If everytime you want to M you do 15 pushups, in 3 months you'll be a beast :p

    It could be a good temporary solution for your problem, and a way to conquer the new life you are looking for.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2015
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  8. Neckbeard

    Neckbeard Fapstronaut

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    If you have any other addictions in your life, you need to work on them immediately. I've learned that NoFap requires an entire life change. Ask yourself; how bad do I want it?

    Mind, body, soul. Nobody feels completely satisfied until they've tackled all three of these.
     
  9. I'm trying to do that. Not much success though. Not really sure what to do about that either.
    I do. I go to a gym and run 4+1 times per week. And yes. With a work plus my training i simply dont have the time and ability to focus on PMO which is when I'm succeeding with the long steaks etc.
     
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  10. No I Dont. Simply because they were so easy to remove I barely considered them addictions.
     
  11. lifeistooshort

    lifeistooshort Fapstronaut

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    so do u feel u still have something lacking then? @CasualMe95 even when you are on your streaks?
     
  12. Well, my unconscious mind knows I'm lonely. I just tell myself not to think about it.
     
  13. lifeistooshort

    lifeistooshort Fapstronaut

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    Asgardian36 likes this.
  14. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    There are people who live alone that are happy. There are monks that don't have sex that are happy. You have to free your mind of what society expects you to do. I workout like a beast and I just relapsed after 136 days. You simply have to want one more than the other. I'm sick of hearing people talk about willpower. You have to surrender and be without reservations about this. I don't think you have totally surrendered to the idea of giving this up. It is really hard to see the benefits of nofap until you can abstain for 90 days. You can do 90 days. You just need to expect that it's going to be an uphill fight. Your mind will be your worst enemy. 90 days will force you to grow and give you more insight as to what you want. You can do 90.
     
  15. nitsuj0786

    nitsuj0786 Fapstronaut

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    Seems like you need to work on being happy with who you are and work on you. You need to be someone who likes who they are and not need someone to complete them. Work on getting out there and meeting people. Not meeting them to hopefully be with someone, that will come in time. But if you just sit and are sad and try to tell you self don't be lonely and not to think about it you definitely will. Try this, don't think about a pink elephant. You will think about a pink elephant. Since you are single work on improving yourself, what are some goals for you, what are some of your dream? Go out there and be someone, you can be an awesome person and in time you will find that person that you will get a connection to. First you need to work on you though, you don't need to be with anyone to be happy in life, be happy with yourself.
     
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  16. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Live the life ahead of you as you have already died - a thought from Marcus Aurelius. The idea behind is for what is mentioned in the post above @Phibz. What would you do if you were already dead and nothing is expected of you? What really makes you happy? By the sound of the post you wrote PMO isn't of those "fulfilling" activities. Each time the urge comes just stop take a deep breath and remind yourself why are you doing this - looking and understanding the addiction for what it is and how it harms you and what other stuff you may do which make you really happy. Don't identify with it. It is an ADDICTION , but YOU are not an addict. Sacrifice the short term pleasure for the long term pleasure, make it a habit, get tools knowledge, but most importantly make a COMMITMENT and stay true to yourself. Of course you are gonna feel like you are not gonna quit it. I feel like that myself at times. When you take a drug from an addict everything seems pointless, life is dull. But it you really persevere with discipline and consistency you will make it. Motivation, depression is all temporary it's what you do that comes. Next time you feel the urge/depression/whatever keep reminding yourself for what you stand - or if you don't know find out, make a philosophy, grab and steer your life in a direction! Any direction is better than no direction at all. Now I know it's all easy on words, I might not be better than yourself even but I keep trying man I fucking keep trying, because if I quit then it's lost for sure. Another day have I wasted in pointless shit and PMO mainly but I look ahead of me not letting the past interfere with my present in future decisions. I only look at it neutrally and take notes, self analyze myself for if i don't know myself how am i going to beat this? Just fucking fight man. We're all in a sea of bullshit in today's world, so keep swimming or completely drown in it.
     
  17. nitsuj0786

    nitsuj0786 Fapstronaut

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    The true measure of a man is not how many times he falls but how many times he gets back up again.
     
  18. Cooldude4

    Cooldude4 Fapstronaut

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    this is one of the excellent posts, all the inputs are insightful, thanks
     
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  19. I believe you.
     
  20. I like your insight man.
     

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