Im lost. Giving up.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by thedaiem, Sep 27, 2014.

  1. thedaiem

    thedaiem Fapstronaut

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    In the space one whole week ive relapsed 3 times and PMO'd 6 times. I dont know how i could go from an 86 day streak to this. I am losing hope. I dont even know why i am writing this. I dont think i will ever break free of these shackles. I relapsed all times because of stress and being pissed off. I just flip a switch in my brain and i just become a completely different person like an alter-ego. Im just sick of myself. My studies are so much and i have 3 tests every week. I dont get any support from my friends. All of them watch and treat porn like its something good. They make fun of me and make dirty jokes around me and try to make me relapse. And i also dont get enough support, advice and help from here too. I just want to go back to being porn free and happy and i dont know how to do it anymore.
     
  2. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    This is common it happened to me in the space of one evening. But don't think those days were for nothing... Each day of abstaining is important, and helps you see the next time through.

    Normally the very first time you hit a big milestone you have the urge to binge as some sort of celebration, second time you hit that milestone you realise why you're doing this. For the long term effects.

    Don't sweat it reset your counter.
     
  3. Thackeray

    Thackeray Fapstronaut

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    Dude, from what I can gather you're fairly young. And to add to that you've managed to do what a lot of people can't and wouldn't do at your age - 86 days free of pmo. That's incredible self-control. Don't knock your efforts.
    I totally understand the stresses of exams but it's a double edged sword and a lot of it's all in your head. On the one hand your probably feel inmmense stress relief when you pmo, but the other hand the stress caused by urges and pmo shouldn't be disregared either. Plus after a relapse, pmo just leaves you feeling defeated and like crap.
    It's all down to us as individuals to make the right choice. Don't give up on this though. It's too much of a good thing.
     
  4. Crithic

    Crithic Guest

    I agree with Tweeby, I just hit 16 days, I've never done that before and because of it I got Withdrawals and gave into PMO, I reset my counter but i'm ganna keep up the fight, You'll break this and so will I so will every one. Stay Strong Brother!
     
  5. Z_the_B

    Z_the_B Guest

    Hey man listen up.
    I was exactly like you last month.
    I had managed a 75 day streak, things were finally changing, life was becoming awesome but I slipped and relapsed and binged.
    And I tried to quit but failed miserably and then one day I said fuck it I'm never doing pmo again no matter what and I prepared myself like a soldier going to war and I'm constantly journalling, keeping myself busy, setting my priorities right and indulging in hobbies.
    I've relapsed sooooo many times and every relapse till now..I mean that experience with the fear of relapsing again and coming back to that shitty life makes me afraid and that is why I'm moving forward day by day minute by minute.
    I told myself I will go through all the fucking withdrawal and regain normalcy because I've been desiring it from a long time.
    The streak that you see now..I started it during my tests and I faced withdrawal soo bad when I was stressed out with so much studies but I didn't give in and that made all the difference. Some of the subjects sucked really bad while others went great. I'm doing this streak permanently and not letting myself fall into that situation ever again.
    Look at every urge as an opportunity to regain control. Show some courage. Quit pmo with focus determination and even anger.
    A relapse is a failure. Never let that happen again.
    Crying and worrying and depressing is for pussies. Real men take action and responsibility and crave long term fulfilment.respect your decision to quit pmo. Stay vigilant and focused about this addiction even if u reach day 150.
    Im never ever going to relapse. No matter how monumental the urge.
    80+days is hard to do but you did it... I know you've got it in you. I believe in you. You can do this.
    No crying. Get up dust yourself take action.
     
  6. Z_the_B

    Z_the_B Guest

    I need you to dread relapses.
    Soak all that feelings of hopelessness shame and what not IN.
    GO THROUGH THIS REBOOT ONLY ONCE.
    You can not remain on this page forever. Don't fail. I don't want you to be still here at the age of 40 something .
    Nobody can help you better than you.
    You've got the magic in you. It all comes down to one person. You.
     
  7. NoJunk

    NoJunk Fapstronaut

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    My record is 19 days without PMO, but now only few days is very hard to do. I'm really afraid that I'll end up in a binge. I constantly want to at least watch P. I just can't allow it to happen. I don't want to relapse, but it's harder than ever before. I just wonder how I manage to stay clean for 19 days!
     
  8. Sonic911

    Sonic911 Fapstronaut

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    Do not get upset. Relapse is not death. It is just a failure from which you should make some conclusions.

    1. Ask yourself 2 important questions: why I did it this time and how it happened. Just go out to the park and think about it. The answer on how to improve the situation will come very soon

    2. If it is stress that brought you to relapse, ask yourself: are you having a good and interesting rest. By rest here I mean not sitting in front of TV or video games. Rest must be active but different from work. I do not know what you like: could be sports or exhibitions of some sort, etc.

    3. I am pretty sure that during those 86 days you have strengthened your self-control significantly. So praise this. And get back on track asap. Do not let yourself weep.

    4. Not sure if you lock your PC, pads and etc - that is what helps a lot

    5. Consider hanging around with different people. No joke. Your surrounding forms you. So if you want to change you should talk more to the people who share your ideas or who have achieved what is desirable for you

    6. For me this one is the most important. Never forget about addicition or consider yourself cured completely. Instead spend some time every day motivating yourself to fight and become a new person. I learned to have my addiction, so every morning I physically spend some time hating it (very important NOT hating myself) and promising myself not getting into it today. Helps a lot.

    Good luck, and get back on track ASAP!!!
     
  9. IGY

    IGY Guest

    You have my empathy for the distress from binging after 86 days not masturbating to porn. That is a tremendous achievement and it is understandable you feel demoralised. BUT! You have got to get new friends. In fact, don't even call them or think of them as friends because they are fucking arseholes.

    Why not try face to face accountability. Your parents could be a good option (the initial embarrassment will pass). Or if you go to church, someone there that you trust that you can be accountable to. You can request an AP here, of course, but someone in your day to day life would be invaluable. Don't throw away all you have achieved so far.
     
  10. CasualMe95

    CasualMe95 Guest

    Yep, that whole thing is called addiction. You're addicted but you can get rid of it.
    Lost hope, I did that a long time ago and here I am still. Abstaining.
    Hope is one thing, but you are going to do this. Not "hope" you will. Hoping most likely wont lead you anywhere. You have to decide.
    And once you made the decision its pretty simple, because you'll realize that porn doesn't give you anything. Its completely meaningless.

    I've stopped watching porn and wont do it again because its just a whole bunch of bullshit. I mean damn! why the fuck do some people even watch that shit, its not even good! Yea once buzz, hall-the-fucking-luleah! Now what? you end up with a hangover. And a shitload of mixed feelings in your body. You want peace/ real interaction you get rid of that shit.

    You can do it man! NEVER GIVE UP! it will be a pain and it will take time but with patience you will succeed! I promise you, I myself have recovered from porn addiction 2 times the last year.
     
  11. thedaiem

    thedaiem Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much all of you! Today i was praying to God, to you know, help me in some way, any way in fact. And his help came in the form of a blessing in disguise. I fractured my toe. And now i cant do anything for 4-5 weeks. I mean its amazing. But i know i cant let my guard down for even a second. Im 14 hours clean now. Maybe this fracture might just be the catalyst for me. And i also stepped up to my friends and just told them square in the face. "We cant be friends if you keep making those dirty puns and fun of me". Im probably gonna lose my friendship with them but im okay with that. Ive lost more friends than one can imagine. So yeah lets hope i dont flip the switch and keep going. Do you guys think i should start a journal?
     
  12. Fattyfatty1

    Fattyfatty1 Fapstronaut

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  13. scotey73

    scotey73 Guest

    Starting a journal has helped me stay accountable for the things I've proclaimed, and it helps me track my progress. Plus, people here could draw inspiration from your journal. You should definitely consider it!
     
  14. Sonic911

    Sonic911 Fapstronaut

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    Journal could be a bit too time consuming, however at least a kind of success tracker in form of an excel sheet helped me a lot
     
  15. Tombuktu

    Tombuktu Fapstronaut

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    Sorry to hear about your relapse and I hope that you get over the disappointment as soon as possible.

    From what I can see, the mistake that you may have made and which most people here make is to confuse abstinence with recovery. You may abstain for as long as you want but if you haven't started to deal with the root causes of your addiction relapsing and binging is very easy and it leads t o a sense of hopelessness. You will need to learn to deal with your disappointments, stress, anxieties, failures etc...without resorting to addictive behaviours to help numb the pain. Recovery from addiction requires way more than abstinence. It involves a whole way of thinking and doing life and it takes hard work, discipline and time. So, do not be frustrated and give up because of a relapse. Learn to ldeal with that pain as well, accept it and move on from there. Good luck
     
  16. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    I admire your courage in dealing with your friends, tredaiem. Contemporary youth is so spoiled, it really saddens me. Though we're just distant pixels, we're with you in spirit. I wish there were more places/environments where decent youngsters could make friends and receive support, other than maybe prayer meetings.
     

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