I'm Markhorn and i'm an addict

It's really strange,as I've probably never written this out before.

Most of my teenage years I've spent struggling with most things I was involved in.
It was not so much struggling as not reaching my full potential.
I probably discovered porn or what i considered stimulating content at age 10-11.
Also the point where i really started putting my walls up to anyone i did not know before as my dad died around that time.
I could lose myself in gaming, caring less about real life then i should have.
The first few years of my arrival at my new school my grades were not remarkable, extremely average.
I didn't really (want to) stand out in any way as i recall it, I was another gamer, more to the no-lifer spectrum.
Desperate for creating an image i could hide behind. Something I really wasn't.
Also been in an all boy youth movement for several years. No girlfriends, as in ever.
Quit gaming thinking things would fix themselves, -surprise surprise, they didn't-
Started going out, started drinking, and so found a better way to get myself away from my thoughts.

About 2-3 years ago i finally managed to realize i was throwing my life away.
Realized excessive drinking wasn't going to get me closer to getting a girlfriend I started looking for solutions.
Read all sorts of things including PUA books, dating advice, speaking & communication skills. -desperate much?-
Still not a lot of change, almost failed last 2 years of high school due to lack of motivation.
note that during this time when i wouldn't fap for one or two days i'd have a wet dream,
which embarrassed me so it was easier just to lose the excess semen pretty much all the occasions I found.
Managed to get through somehow, in college now.

Baffled by being let through I vowed to change things, i would learn to be more effective and efficient and so dedicated
myself to becoming better. started browsing, reading and applying everything i found.
I did become better in some parts of my life but my time-management, perseverance and willpower were still as bad as before.
Before long i read on "theartofmanliness" increasing testosterone could effectively increase productivity and some of the other things i wanted to achieve.
over a period of 2 months i started working out more, eating healthy, still found myself demotivated and tired,
started looking for and explanation and stumbled on "YourBrainOnPorn", took what i read to heart but wasn't able to successfully quit for longer than a week.
This went on for a month and i got sick of it so I started looking for an explanation.
Now I'm here, still haven't been able to quit longer than a week so far. At 2 days now, and committed in a way I was not before.
Found, deleted and blocked all the access to porn/adult content I can find still finding loopholes -very annoying, and being way to creative at it-

Apparently I've written a book, it may be a little on the long side but I'm happy it's finally all of my chest.

PS: I'm European, where are you guys all from? (continent or country)

 

Saw the second before yes, I did really like the other one, seems like he has solid advice, i subscribed immediately, thank you