I'm writing this because I have the gumption and eagerness to write something this evening. They say you should never waste good energy, so I'm now I'm hopefully putting it to good use. I know one of the things I'm missing from my life: And it's a woman. A companion to hold my hand in the hazy summer days and keep me warm in the cold winter nights. While I've been on the road of self-improvement - for about 2 and a half years now - I've been trying to find the right girl in all the right (and wrong) places. I've dated a few, some went okay, some not so much. But never really got anywhere. But now that I'm trying to fix myself and get my act together with rebooting my brain to factory settings thanks to NoFap (big ups to you always), I feel as though I'm on my way. My aunt told me not to rush these things and in order to attract the right woman into myself I need to love me first. The girl is waiting for you on the other side once you sort yourself out. I don't know why I've suddenly grown suddenly impatient. Maybe it's because I'm a 31 year old with needs. Throughout my 20's I wasted opportunities and semen and threw away the last decade. Some not of my own demise, but no point looking in the past yeah? But I had massive issues with my looks for a long time.I recall an 17-year-old at a bus stop with a friend, being checked out by a couple of girls, to which they turned a corner and said audibly "I don't like his face". Most people would get over that pretty quickly, but I don't think I left my room for four days straight, save for showers. My confidence had been shot. Nowadays I wouldn't give two shits what people think or say about me. Thanks to meditation, age and maturity, I've brushed all that aside and thought, life's way too short to care about that sort of thing. Those that don't matter mind, and those that matter don't mind. Even now when joining fickle dating sites, I find I'm getting no luck. But you know what? It's their loss. I have such a high case value and standards that I put on myself. My biggest stumbling blocks right now are the small voice in my head that says I'm not good enough. But over the last couple of years, I've made that voice shrink bit, by bit, by bit. Also the fact I'm still a virgin, unemployed, living at home with my parents and have very little money to my name. No pressure. There was one girl this year that I really liked, but nothing came of it, which disappointed me a little, but I said it was her loss. She has no idea what she's missing out on with me. Even if she didn't want to be married or have children and put her career first. But I do have plenty of other things to offer where I lack with material wealth: spiritual wealth. A knack to write and tell a good story. To keep people intrigued. A wicked sense of humour that always makes people laugh. I can dance really well. I have an extensive knowledge of music, current affairs, general knowledge! I'm quite lucky to have done a lot and accomplished a fair amount with my life that most people can only look on in envy, but I always want more. And while I'm content with what I have right now in the present moment, I feel like I'm close to something so so special. It's an indescribable feeling, but I'm sure I can't be the only one that's felt this before. I hope I don't come across as being too egotistical or anything, but I'm just saying what's truly in my heart right now, but the girl I end up with is going to be so lucky. Why? Because she's going to be so so loved, so so taken care of. I swear I'm going to make her the most special, most happiest girl in the world. I've saved up all my love for the one that truly deserves me and the one that I deserve.