I'm really glad to have found this community, and I look forward to all the inspiration and encouragement that I see you've shared with other recovering addicts. I have been living with porn my whole life, as a young boy Playboy was always laying on the table, then when I got older it was late night pornos and VCR tapes I could have time for while the house was empty. I've just always done this and it's always felt fine, maybe once a year I would stop myself and ask why I was doing this, but the feeling was fast and faded within minutes. I would save up tons of internet porn, then delete it, but would find myself relapsing in days. Even having children, I told myself I needed to stop, but I haven't shown any improvement at all in 7 years since my first child was born. I'm 32 and have been living most of my life this way. It ends today. I am done with this. I have to get better before it costs me everything I hold dear; my family, my career, my life. I have cleaned all the porn from my computer. I am seeking out information. I have admitted not just to myself, but to my spouse, my problems. She is still processing it, she feels like I've cheated on her, and I'm not sure I disagree. At the very least I've lived a lie since before I met her. I imagine the pain I've caused her in revealing it is tremendous. I'm not sure where we are going to end up. But even if it goes poorly, I want to get better for me. I want to be done with this. I don't want to stare at the clock waiting for people to leave my house, or others to go to sleep, or wait for everyone at work to go home so I can get my fix. I'm sick of being pathetic, and I want it to end. I'm knowlg2 and I want to be a recovering pornography addict. Thank you for providing me an outlet to at least have a chance to make it.