I'm new - I need some advice.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by movingforward1987, May 2, 2016.

  1. movingforward1987

    movingforward1987 New Fapstronaut

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    I have struggled off and on with pornography and masturbation for about 16 years. Sometimes being free for over a year. I have been married for about 3 years and still struggle at times off and on. My question is how do I tell my wife? I want her help. I just don't know how to tell her and ask for help.
     
    Awakening123 likes this.
  2. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    Just do it. Life is short and temporary.
     
  3. I really don't understand how you can have a wife or girlfriend and still need PMO. To me it seems like your love for your partner isn't as strong as your love for PMO,cmon man...
     
  4. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    That is not true; it's a popular myth out there. PMO is an addiction. There are tons of married guys who have PMO addiction and seeking therapy because they love their wives but can't seem to get rid of their pmo addiction.
     
  5. Junevalentino

    Junevalentino New Fapstronaut

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    So true, I can testify to that in my own marriage with PMO addiction.
     
  6. i had gf and masutrbated and she had no problem with that.we talked about it many times, and that iwas on nofap. These topics should not be taboo in a relatioship
     
  7. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Don't be in too much of a hurry to tell her.

    Sex Addicts Anonymous & other 12-Step programmes suggest that we travel along the path for quite a way, before telling our significant other about our problem.

    Think about it: If you tell her before you have some decent clean time behind you, what are you handing her except problems?

    Your desire for honesty is admirable, but the timing is KEY.

    I wouldn't tell her right now - not until your recovery is well underway.

    Get busy with your recovery & wait until there are clear improvements in your relationship & reason for her to believe that you're serious about kicking PMO for good, before telling her.

    What's your plan of action for breaking your addiction to PMO?

    Power!

    T22.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2016
  8. jfromcr

    jfromcr Fapstronaut

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    Hi movingforward1987,

    Here is the best way that I have heard of doing this: break the news, don't go into a lot of specifics and then give her time to process, ask her is she wants to continue. For most women this will be a traumatic event that they describe as "just like being cheated on". Take responsibility. You know that it is not her fault so don't go there.

    In response to how this happens in a marriage, for me it was my lack of relationship ability. When real relationship looks scary and life is getting weird, it is easy to find a retreat. The same as an alcoholic or drug addict or cutter. Something that gives a release and not more tension.
     

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