I'm new: Please tell me I'm not alone... *long story*

Hello everyone:

The topic speaks for itself from the thread's name. This is going to be a long introduction because it's a long story that leads to where I am today.

I will be turning 25 in early January 2018. I'm about a year and a half removed from graduating college. I have a nice job in the media industry, good pay and I'm on pace to get rid of my student loans completely in just about a year.

I'm passionate in watching sports, video games and entertainment and dream of one day working for either Disney or Nintendo, or any company into gaming, sports or entertainment in general. I would love to travel and even one day raise a family of my own.

My favorite hobbies are obviously playing video games, but I also love watching sports, movies and astronomy. I am also interested in learning Japanese.

Based on all the information given, one would think I would be happy with my life.

I'm not...

After watching a couple videos about masturbation, porn and even testosterone levels, including a TEDxTalks video that directed me to this site, I have to make a confession. I'm a porn addict, especially towards hentai.

Ironic, at least for me. I used to look down at people battling addictions like drugs, alcohol and smoking while not realizing that I, too, was suffering an addiction. That makes me a massive hypocrite. I don't look down on those type of people anymore as a result.

I can't remember when exactly it first began. But, I can definitely tell you that it was when I was still in elementary school. I believe I was 10 years old when I first came across porn/hentai by mistake and even started to masturbate. I have been obsessed with it ever since.

So that means, I have been at this for 15 YEARS!

I have never kissed a girl before, much less, even dated one to begin with! Pathetic, I know. I haven't had much care in terms of athletics or eating healthy food when I was younger. Which means, I was never as athletic as most other guys even though I played baseball when I was younger. I was not a social person so I haven't had much friends, if any.

And it's probably because for so long, I have been obsessed with hentai. I'm a stick figure at 5' 6" and I'm also losing hair at the top of my head. I had to settle with a military buzz cut to hide the obvious bald spot.

Most days before I go to work, or before I go to sleep, I would look at and collect explicit hentai art from the most notorious websites like Gelbooru and Rule34 for pictures of fictional characters like Princess Zelda, Peach and Rosalina. And then I would masturbate like crazy by either rubbing my dick with my hands or rubbing my dick against my pillows!

It's not just video games or anime characters either, when I watched Frozen in 2013, I was obsessed with Anna and Elsa! I also frequently visited PornHub.

But now, I'm trying to make a serious attempt to quit. It began when I realized that I'm beginning to have a new life after college. And it got more serious ever since I had to deal with a fall out between my sister and my father last summer.

My father was also a porn addict, which probably carried over to me. That's how I found out about porn at a very young age. He was able to overcome his addiction after my mother and sister staged an intervention against him after he was caught, but I'm still struggling.

I want to confess to my father since he can relate the most. But, I also want to be more honest with him and tell him that his porn use carried over to me. I still love him, and that's why I want to tell him the truth. But I'm so afraid of how he'll react.

My sister took my father's mistakes extremely hard, especially since it was difficult for him to tell the truth at first before eventually coming clean. She no longer talks to him, no longer lives with us and even thinks of him as a coward, a cheater on my mother, and an all-around bad person. That greatly impacted me, negatively, my family means the world to me and I don't want anyone in my family to hate me.

That's when I also realized that I really would love to have a family of my own one day. And to do that, I feel like I have to stop this madness.

There's probably more in my life that I'm forgetting or missing but that's pretty much my life right now. So far, I haven't looked at hentai/porn, masturbated or ejaculated since Nov. 16, so that's a week.

In that week, I've been distracting myself by occupying my time to start learning Japanese on various YouTube pages. I've also been trying to boost my video editing skills on Lynda. I've also been trying to finally take attempts at healthy eating and exercising more seriously as a means to improve my health.

However, in that same week, I've had periods of high stress and my head screaming for me to look at porn again. Right now, it feels like hell.

I even want to schedule a doctors appointment for the first time in years (another mistake in my pathetic life) because I'm now having a huge fear of how low my testosterone level must be from all this mess.

I'm concerned about it since I want to be able to marry and have kids one day, but also want to be able to actually enjoy the experience of REAL SEX with a REAL WOMAN while I'm at it too, instead of jerking off to fictional characters or people who I would never meet (nor even like possibly) from a computer screen.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this! At this moment, I feel like I have nothing to offer in this world!

 

Thanks @NightReaper775 ,

I appreciate it. Some of the things that I'm beginning to do to try to get my life back together are:

-30 minute walks when I wake up 3-5x a week
-Eating healthier
-Exercise for 45 min. - 1 hr. 3x a week
-Drink tea, it helps me a lot with relaxation
-Sleep for 8-10 hrs. a day. Go to bed no later than midnight (I used to always go to bed at either 2 or 3 AM).
-Practice Japanese for 30 min. - 1 hr every day
-Practice my video editing on Lynda over my weekend for at least 30 min. - 1 hr.

I have other hobbies besides video games, too. I love watching and talking about sports. I also love space and travelling, so I do talk a lot about astronomy and I watch a lot of space and travel programs.

However, there is one advice you gave me that I just couldn't do. I could never give up playing video games. Video games are a major stress reliever for me. And I did say my dream job was with Nintendo. I actually applied for a job with them when I graduated college last year. However, I didn't have enough experience to qualify for it. But, I CAN add more hobbies to my repertoire.

One thing that I have to do, which is very important to me, I need to confess to my father.

I learned about porn, inadvertently, from my father when I was around 10 years old. He was a porn addict as well. And unfortunately, that carried over to me for almost 15 years now that I'm almost 25 years old.

I feel that once I confess to him, if I can get his support, that would really help me in my addiction battle so that I can eventually recover. I just have to also keep reminding myself that people that I've looked at on those hentai sites are not real people.

And I also have to keep reminding myself that I do have things to be thankful for that's worthwhile.

I'll keep you posted on how my conversation with my father went.

 

Also Disney, I like watching movies too, especially animation movies. I did list Disney as a dream job too.