I'm out.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by TheNewDawn106, Jan 24, 2018.

  1. Thynes

    Thynes Fapstronaut

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    That is really sad and everyone in this forum can understand how far hopelessness can drive you.

    However, I would like to ask you about what you are going to do now that you have given up? I mean what specific things are you going to do if you gave up the fight. Please try to come up with an answer if possible and don't reply with a simple "I don't know". And second question, do you expect anything out of your plan?

    It does not matter if you let go of your life aspirations and more. They will make you more depressed than you already now. But of course, you will have a better time reflecing upon those in the future. At the moment, what you may need is a cure.

    Taking a break from this community may help in some way. It will clear your mind and create yourself a new start. I suggest you go retreating yourself in the countryside if it's possible. It does really help. However, if there is no possibility for you to do so, disconnect yourself from all the digital devices around you for a few days, read books, meditate and get in touch with people. Go seek a world out there, far from distractions and technology.

    -----
    It is OK to feel like this. Lots of people do. I personally thought of giving up to abstain myself from PMO. I had similar thoughts about how my life was designed to be a loser's camp. Whoever teamed up with me always lost and failed. Even with the most simple tasks. I thought I was a negative-vibe spreader.

    Whatever you do, take some time to heal. Spend it with people you love. Listen to positive music (I suggest you Jason Mraz's "Living in the moment" and when you're feeling better, "3 things"). Allow yourself the right to have a lazy day. Learn about some meditation techniques. Laugh (with the help of Charlie Chaplin I suggest;). Research on some ways to deal with depression and rejection. And finally seek professional help.

    To share you my personal story, I dealt with my depression by embracing it. I embraced the fact that I was depressed. I embraced the fact that everything just went wrong in my life. I embraced the fact that I did not have to live a happy life and put on a smiley face mask 24hours a day. Ignoring your feelings does more harm than good. After that, I practiced thankfulness over the little things that I could be thankful for. I was mostly thankful for each member my family. I was thankful I could have spent moments with them. I was thankful I was still alive and still be able to breathe, see, hear, touch, smell, feel. This was hard at the first time but practicing thankfulness does improve over time.

    Of course, these are just tips to help you get along with what you might be feeling right now but they do not in any cases substitute to a professional help. Last thing (lol), be proud of what you have gone through so far!

    Stay blessed!
     
  2. Son of Midgaard

    Son of Midgaard Fapstronaut

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    Makes no sense, should be in a diametricaly opposit forum then success stories.

    If you relapse all the time you have not done your homework properly or maybe you have other addictions that drive you to self-medicate and escape from through self sex and porn? Any Diagnosis? It seems some people never get it, and they never get it for a reason ok.
     
  3. lantti

    lantti Fapstronaut

    Giving up is okay, but telling other people give up? Don't do that.

    And take heart, even after you've given up you can always come back and try again:)
     
    omegamer likes this.
  4. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    Keep in mind that progress is gradual and often full of screw ups. If you've gone a few days PMO free after PMOing every day, that's progress. If you relapse every few weeks, or even every few days after PMOing every day, you've still made progress. Every time you say "no" to porn is progress. If you've had a good streak going and then you relapse, you haven't undone everything! There is sometimes an attitude on NoFap where if you relapse, you "lose", and then you have to start completely over and that's just not true in my opinion.

    I don't say any of this to sound compromising. Porn is the enemy and our goal is a porn-free life... but that goal isn't going to happen over night. It will take time, determination, and failure, but giving up porn is possible as all the success stories in this forum prove. It's good to be uncompromising with porn, but if that perfectionism leads to the point where you fall into despair whenever you relapse, it's an attitude that's doing more harm than good. When we relapse, we have to get up, dust ourselves off, and keep going. I relapsed four days ago, but I've still made a lot of progress from when I first started NoFap.

    I have no idea if you're going to read this, OP, but I really hope you don't give up.
     
  5. Man the hell up and get back on track. Don't be a little sissy quitter.
     
  6. lantti

    lantti Fapstronaut

    Well I read it, and just after this relapse I had now I'd say you deserve a medal.

    Just golden and should be on everyones signature.
     
    Marcus Aurelius likes this.
  7. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    is your life, you choose
     
  8. TheNewDawn106

    TheNewDawn106 Fapstronaut

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    Well....I'm back, 4 days after I started this whole mess.

    First of all, I want to express my sincerest apologies to anyone I upset with my comment encouraging others to give up. It was insensitive, hurtful, unproductive, and dramatic. I understand that some of you on this forum have been sober for hundreds of days, and others are on or restarting their first day like me. We're all on different paths in life to freedom from PMO, and I respect you all for staying diligent and strong through your moments of triumph and weakness. My longest runs were 37 days last winter and 66 days in fall of 2017, before my latest relapse that has lead me spiraling out of control.

    A few of you mentioned that the only way I could change my behavior was by hitting what we call "Rock Bottom", and I was hellbent on getting myself there. I reached new lows in my material and crossed lines I swore I would never cross...My family doesn't know about this latest relapse and it's terrifying for me to think of the ramifications and consequences I would face if they were to find out. Last weekend I PMO'd probably 6 or 7 times in the span of 36 hours...I honestly lost count and only stopped because my body started to hurt from the pain. I had no regard for my family, my friends, or my job while doing all this. It's safe to say that 2018 has been the worst start to a year for me in record history...and it is my fault. I made these choices, so I have to own up.

    To anyone on here who told me to stop being a sissy and to man up, you are EXACTLY right. To those who said I'm too hard on myself, you are exactly right. To the person who said "you only give up when you quit", know that my gym trainer and life coach said those same words to me on one of my darker days, so your accuracy is terrifying. For an anonymous internet forum, many of you have my character completely figured out. I am an impatient perfectionist with a serious flare for dramatics whether things go my way or not. I'm very success-driven, and ambitious to a fault. All of my traits do not bode well for me in my arts-oriented career I've had for the last five years. I'm not looking to quit this job, I want to make it to the top here. But watching my friends succeed over me while I get benched for reasons I don't know has been infuriating, aggravating, humiliating, and depressing. Everyday I'm torn between being happy for my friends and simultaneously hating their guts for their successes. I've never been a jealous person until this year and I despise feeling this way. To quote (of all people) Kylo Ren lol, "I feel like I'm being torn apart." Funny enough, like Star Wars, I find there really is light and darkness in each of us. It's like a battle between two wolves inside of us throughout our whole lives, and the victorious wolf is the one we feed (this isn't my direct metaphor, I believe it's an aboriginal people proverb...) My favorite quotes on this forum are from those who understand that not success in life comes from instant gratification or praise. Patience is key in all parts of life, and I need some serious lessons on how to apply it to myself.

    To wrap this up, this is me saying Sorry, Thank You, and Happy Sunday to everyone who chimed in on this post. I promise I wasn't looking for attention for vanity's sake. I am currently 3 days into no P and 13 hours into no M and O. I'll do my best to keep posting about my struggles and daily experiences, whilst reading up on all of yours as well.

    Thank you all again for helping me get back on track,

    ~Dawn.
     
  9. 23.exe

    23.exe Fapstronaut

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    Foolish decision brother, you only lose when you give up. There is still another chance to reverse your decision.
     
    TheNewDawn106 likes this.
  10. TheNewDawn106

    TheNewDawn106 Fapstronaut

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    Agreed.
     
  11. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    Welcome back to the fight. :)

    Star Wars has actually taken on a whole no meaning for me once I started NoFap. I always loved it, but I can relate to the Jedi/Sith dichotomy more than I ever could in the past. When you watch The Empire Strikes Back especially, it's almost like George Lucas had fapping in mind lol
     
  12. Trucker925

    Trucker925 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with this so much. Even though I haven't relapsed and don't plan to (and believe me the last few days have tested me in ways I didn't imagine) it is not failure. Giving up completely is failure. I remember when I was learning to drive an 18 wheeler for my 30th birthday. I struggled mightily with double clutching and downshifting from 8th gear to 7th gear. The truck and trailer would rock uncontrollably sometimes...I would always grind the gears and my instructor would get so angry at me. I just couldn't get it, and having driven 5 speeds my entire life, I picked up some bad habits. But I kept at it because this was something I wanted to do in my life and no one was going to tell me that I couldn't do it, and it felt good to look my instructor in the eye after passing my driving test when I knew he thought I was going to fail.
    Point is, I've noticed that (some) people here think that if you fail, all is lost. And that is their opinion. I don't agree with this at all, but again, this is my opinion. I'm NOT saying this is an excuse to relapse and binge, but if you do relapse, it is not the end of the world, look back on your progress and keep moving forward. Two steps backwards doesn't mean you've erased the 10 you took forward. Now if you just completely give up and go back to porn without changing your habits, this is failure. So dust yourself off, get back out there and show em what for!
    As always, stay strong, we got this! One day at a time!

    PS I LOVE Star Wars.
     
  13. I brings joy to see you stand up for yourself once more. The fight is not over, you have made a great choice.
     
  14. diogo431509

    diogo431509 Fapstronaut

    I'm relieved to see @TheNewDawn106 back. Man, there is only one mistake: giving up. I came to post a not very encouraging message but now that you're back I see no need to it...

    I relapsed a lot of times, and looking back, I always give up and say I'll never come to this site again, only to make a new account months later, even more embarrassed.

    Stay on track, it's on difficult times we see what we're made of. I remember a post of a guy who relapsed during the Katrina hurricane, I thought, well... it has nothing to do with the hurricane but I forgive this guy.

    I hope not even the devil can stop us now. Let's kick it's ass!
     
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  15. MikeM444

    MikeM444 Fapstronaut

    You only live once, so make it your best, you're 23, you have plenty of time to make a positive impact on yourself. I only wish I knew about NoFap at 23, I would probably be where I want to be now at 27. I know what it's like to have a deep-seeded hatred for this messed up world and it's messed up people, but you have to focus on the positives, the positive people in life who really do care and the positive things in life you enjoy. I'm not saying you have to be some corny rainbow skipping "jolly boy", but focus on the things that will better yourself and strive for what you really want. Do you want a girlfriend? That' a very possible thing. Do you want to make more money? Very possible thing. Do you want to strive with some kind of interest/hobby? It's a very possible thing. Do you want to learn a new skill? It's a very possible thing. My grandfather always told me something that his father told him, "If you want something badly enough, you can have it." The key part of this is badly enough.
    Something else I like to live by, is are you happy with life? No? Then change it up, do something different, no point in following the same formula that leads to unhappiness. One thing I have learned by 27, is possibilities are almost endless, I've seen depressed people in their 30's and 40's change their life around and be happy, they even did stuff that people in their 20's usually do, like clubbing, joining a band, perusing women...etc. You're 23, don't wait until you're 30 to make changes and look back like "What happened? Where did those years go?" You don't want that. The time is now buddy, get pumped, get excited, get motivated and start building your life now!!
     
  16. Man... stop that shit. Yes life aint fair, some ppl have it all, some ppl have shit on their table. Some are healhy. Some are ill. Some feel good, other suffer like pigs and die in pain or like a brain dead zombies.

    So what. Id really like to see your life! Maybe compare it to mine??? Or my friend who has cancer? He cant even walk all of sudden. And is in hospital where I teach him to walk again because he lost that in 3 weeks coma??? He cant piss normally, he needs to press his belly and the pee comes out. He was at home for a visit. Slept in a bed with his gf, wanted to have a shit. Fell to ground and shit himself, as he was not able to fucking move!!! Wake the FUCK up man. Stop crying like a small girl!!!

    This attitude of yours only worsens everything. You need to learn it. My friend is smiling. He knows. I have cripling ringing in my ears. I hear it every second of my life. There is nothing to mask it as I hear it when I stand near to the train passing by. I hear it in a tunnel full of cars. I hear it in some of my dreams. And when I increase my heart rate it even amplifies to unreal levels. Ask me how i feel and i will tell you ok.

    My gf is always smiling. After some months she told me she has medical issue. She had 3 years of pain in every joint and was not able to move. Now she can move, but is in CONSTANT pain. Ask her how she is doing, she will tell you great.

    Think about it
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2018
  17. ISFPdude

    ISFPdude Fapstronaut

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    Oddly enough, this post of yours, I believe, has given me the strength to break out of a similar situation. I kept relapsing for the past few days and was at the brink of giving up several times. Then I read this, and thought “man, this guy isn’t giving up, where’s my excuse?” No one ever told us this was going to be easy, I guess.
     
    TheNewDawn106 likes this.
  18. TheNewDawn106

    TheNewDawn106 Fapstronaut

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    I’m really glad I could help somebody out with my recent frustrations! Not gonna lie, a week in and my life isn’t miraculously better. My job still confuses the heck out of me and I’m a bit less social than what I usually am. But I still have my dignity and my name I can believe in. I can’t tarnish those when that’s currently all I have!
     
    ISFPdude likes this.
  19. Fomo Sapiens

    Fomo Sapiens Fapstronaut

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    Try LessFap, my friend. There is nothing more dispiriting than setting an impossible goal and then not being able to attain it.

    This website, good as it is, is just a filtering mechanism that shows you the success stories - because the ones that don't succeed drop off the radar. It's the same as social media. The unsuccessful eventually stop showing up with status updates because we're tired of comparing ourselves to the show-offs. But there are plenty of us out there. I'm one of them. In fact, most of us are - we're the true majority.

    You've got plenty of advice on this thread, and my voice is just one among the clamour, but I would ask you to consider which is better - progress, or perfection? Decide on your answer, and then decide what that would look like for you.

    EDIT: I only just read @Marcus Aurelius 's post above. Without intending to I've echoed the exact same sentiments. There's this 'no compromises' approach to the NoFap culture (it's even in the name) that I think the wiser of us have grown slightly skeptical of. We have come to realize that it just isn't the way life works. Life has vicissitudes, complications, and extenuating circumstances; the whole of life is just one long extenuating circumstance. The hotheads will jump on me and say I'm weaseling my way out of responsibility. I ain't, boy. When they grow up and realize that 'no compromises' is actually just a recipe for anxiety and depression, they will come to the same conclusion.
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2018
  20. Tony Greenshrine

    Tony Greenshrine Fapstronaut

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