I'm Quiting NoFAP; an update on my journey.

Hi everyone ! This is going to be my very rare, yet long post.

I've come to the decision that I want to quit this website, at least for a long while until I come back. Nothing wrong nofap website, but I'm an individual not interested in spending time posting regularly on the different sections of this forum except the 'X day challenges' as I want to reduce my computer usage to only the essential things I need.
It is a very useful website with a friendly community that helped me learn a lot of things on seminal conservation, but I feel like I've seen all I need to know to progress on my life change.

Who am I ?

For those that don't know me, I've been on this website for a little while, maybe 2-3 months. I am an 18 year old student from Canada, and a lover of physical activity (football/swimming/gym) form of dopamine provided a lot for me during some parts of my life where I felt unhappy. It was a healthier escape from reality than video games (that I've also played a lot in the last 3 years but easily got over the need to play them) Only took me to realize at the age at the age of 18 as well that I was only wasting it on porn and masturbation..

How was my overall journey so far ?

Here is an overall view on my journey since I've started it. (I discovered this website later than when I discovered the idea of seminal conservation)

June 2017 - End of August 2017, fapping either once a week or twice a week to porn, edging etc during a time where I worked a very physical summer job for 40 hours/week. I felt basically like a moving vegetable with no power outside work.

September 2017 - early November Is the period when I recall having started making progress on noFAP, and when I was really in what I believed to be at the time depression. Could easily go past one week, but rarely two without PMO.

November 2017 - December 8th 2 Is the month I've done great things. Made friends with that girl I always wanted to get to know better, got a much better sleeping schedule, aced my final exams and beat my " record " of 16 days to 18/

December from the 8th to the 20th is when I started to fall off a lot, must have had like 3 relapses during that short span.

From the 20th up until yesterday January 10 th 2018 when I relapsed, I had lived probably the greatest 22 days of the last few years. I genuinely felt happy during that time.


So what benefits did you notice ?

There probably is many more, but here are the ones that were important for me;

• Optimism; this for me the most important. With time passing on, I only felt better and better, my self confidence growing higher and higher, any anxiety and depression that I've ever had disappeared to a almost inexistent level.

• People attraction (charisma); for some reason people on the street started conversations with me after only a small eye contact and a little smile. I mean people in general.

• Better looks; my light acne almost completely disappeared during those 22 days, felt like every girl walking in the opposite direction would briefly look up before crossing my path.

• Consciousnesses and better memory; felt like I possessed full capacity of the actions I was doing, felt concentrated and could enjoy, especially, small things in life. I was also to dream during sleep, something I've not been able to remember for the past two years.

• Willpower; I've been implementing successfully the habits that I've wanted; reading books daily, early sleep-early wake in the morning, keeping house clean, less excuses, and reduced my internet usage.

So after all of this why did you still relapse ?

Once a lot of days passed I felt so good during noPMO, that I even forgot why I'd even start doing noPMO, and how bad I felt before it and felt so 'full' that at this point I was 'fighting' the urge rather than resisting it. I had to keep telling me during the days that I won't FAP until minutes later my brain would propose me the same option over and over and over again and I gave in after a record of 22 days. I experienced after my relapse that lucidity you have after the small pleasure goes away and when you realize you fucked up and that your own brain trying to rationalize you is your biggest enemy.

What was your biggest downfall in your noPMO journey ?

I watched a few videos from successful noFAP youtuber Gabriel Kanei Bocagnegra and some of the stuff he said exposed a lot of flaws in my procedure with noFAP that I didn't realize where harmful for me. In short, I learned that my mentality is the reason I keep failing to stop noPMO, and when I mean stop I mean long term not a few week.

The way I conceived noFAP for all this time is like an interior war between myself and my desire to masturbate, which now I realize how stupid that sounds. It is not a war. There aren't no winners. There aren't no enemies. Only I myself can harm myself and only I myself can stop myself from it.
I learned that I shouldn't be fighting something like the urge, as I would only give it more importance and it would eventually catch up to me and will make my noFAP journey impossible to achieve long term. I can;t fight it, I must only understand it and be wise. This is why I now believe counting each day is useless and will only cause me harm, making me think that this is like I am surviving something, kind of like counting the seconds I can hold my breath. Why would I count the days ? The months ok, but why the days ? Like a countdown to imminent failure ?

Gabriel, the youtuber explains things quite simply. It would seems so simple and logical to stop doing something that only causes harm to us isn't it ? Yet we still fail. He explains this comes from our own value system, and not from our lack of discipline. If our own soul doesn't truly have the same values as the ones the brain has, how will we be able to sustain actions contrary to our real interior beliefs.

He explains that PMO can't be beaten if we make such a big deal out of it and if we don't change our value system.
He gives a very good example through the following analogy: " Why don't we have everyday to abstain ourselves from an urge like cutting our arm off ? It is only because of our value system which associates it with no benefits. People keep failing noFAP because lust is still in their value system. "

What is there for you to do then ?

First of all, feel more grateful about life. Relapsed or not, there is a certain part of placebo effect to noFAP aswell. I need to keep finding motivation within myself or god, and not from an internet forum. I will only completely change when I'll be wise enough to realize how harmful it is that I won't even get urges anymore and will be defeating the urge without "fighting it" and stop looking for support from others, which I believe this website can be a dopamine addiction in itself if used to much like coming back daily to post on 'x day challenges'.


If you've read this far, thank you and good luck in changing your life
I will only comeback here once I've completely mastered my new life. Don't know how much time it will take but until then, take care !

o7