I'm reaching out

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by pbd12345, Aug 4, 2020.

  1. pbd12345

    pbd12345 New Fapstronaut

    Dear members,

    Porn and masturbation have always been topics I could not talk about, I always had to deal with them myself. I feel too ashamed to discuss them with friends or family, so today I'm trying something new: posting here, anonymously.

    I feel like I am at a critical point in my life. I am 25 and never had sex or a relationship, and I'm starting to feel more and more anxious about that. I know it is mainly my mindset that is holding me back, and I want to have the strength to change it...so badly.
    I never considered myself a porn or masturbation addict - mainly because I only give into the temptations one or two times a week, but I must face the truth: I am addicted.
    I cannot quit: I tried and tried, but i always come back to porn/anonymous chatrooms/masturbation. It is killing me mentally.

    Recently, I have these periods of overwhelming tiredness throughout the day, like I cannot achieve or do anything. I then lie down for hours, not getting any work done, and because I have a fulltime job and am working from home, this is influencing my credibility and reliance at work...it cannot continue like this. My mind is trying to convince me that porn and masturbation have nothing to do with this, but the fact is: i always get a wave of tiredness right after fapping, so the connection is almost undeniable. I get this tiredness randomly throughout the next few days, after which I relapse and the cycle continues. Last month I got to 10 days of abstinence, and felt great and energetic during day 7-10. I want to explore nofap further to definitively prove to myself that this negative tiredness is coming from fapping.

    Maybe it is partly caused by my mental state: i want a girlfriend more than anything in the world, i put a lot of effort in it, i have been active on dating apps a lot lately (even had two dates, but not successfully)...which causes a lot of frustration when it does not lead to any results. It feels like everytime I fap, i prove to myself that i am not worthly of a relationship, that my mental state is just too fucked...
    In the last few years, i have been rejected a few times, which adds to the frustration. I just don't want to spiral further down, i want to climb out of this pit of self-pity so badly.

    I know I am exaggerating a bit: i just relapsed so i kind of only feel negative emotions (shame, tiredness, guilt...): i have a lot of good friends and a warm family, i really enjoy their company and go on a lot of social activities...but it feels like i cannot share this dark part of myself with anyone, it piles up inside of me and because more and more frustrating...so now i am reaching out anonymously, as a kind of cry for help.

    Please, any tips, words of encouragement, anything is welcome. I downloaded the nofap app to keep track of my 'progress', but i already had to shamefully press the 'relapse' button two times.
    engelman and Protector of Hope like this.
  2. Protector of Hope

    Protector of Hope Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Welcome to NoFap brother, it's a pleasure to have you here. I hope you will find what you are searching for. Good luck.
    One Eyed Owl likes this.
  3. One Eyed Owl

    One Eyed Owl Fapstronaut

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