I'm Sick Of This, Help...

We CAN Do This!

Fapstronaut
Hey all,

I am new to the website, and the only forums I normally ever post in on the internet are model railway forums, so for my this is unusual, but I have decided to take action on what is getting me down.

Be prepared though, this will be quite a lengthy post.

I am only 16, and for many years, masturbation has taken over my life. Around September 2016, I decided to start quitting. As I was 'doing it' to porn every day or two, I started to cut down the porn slowly, going from 2 days to 3, 3 days to 4 and eventually to a week and beyond. I managed to go without porn for probably a solid 6 weeks or more, which I was really proud of at the time. The thing to note here is at this time, I had no intention of quitting masturbation (yet...). Then, Christmas 2016 came, and the first week of my Christmas holiday was great. It was festive, I went down to London which is something I love doing, I was hanging out with friends, and there was still no porn. Then, the second week came, and quite simply, I relapsed heavily. On the Monday, I gave in and 'did it' to porn, and because this was my first ever relapse, i fell into a week long depression, ruining my Christmas holiday. It didn't stop there though. This depression meant that I 'did it' to porn for the following three days after my first collapse, and having gone over 6 weeks without porn, I was so, so disappointed in myself. I hated myself, I was angry, but above all, I was ashamed. I was ashamed that after all of this success, I had come to painful fall.

So, skipping on to a couple of weeks from that relapse, I had started to quit again, but this time I also tried to quit masturbation. However, I found that this time it wasn't as easy. I struggled to go for over 5 days without giving in no matter how hard I tried. This ruined the start of 2017 for me, as I was just in a constant depressive state because of what I had been doing.

March came around, and I had managed a few weeks without porn, and about a week without masturbation. But, half term break from school came by, and having been sitting alone in my room again, I gave in 3 days in a row. Every time I have a half term break (although I won't anymore since I finish school completely in two weeks), the same thing always happens and it just turns from a relaxing week off school to a week of hatred for myself and depression.

Since then, the longest I have achieved without pmo is 8 days.

The worst part for me is that every time I masturbate even without porn, I instantly fall into a long depression that can last for over a week, by which time I will already have masturbated again making the depression constant. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. This is why I have turned to this forum.

Why write a post now? Because I have literally returned from upstairs having pmo again after 5 days. Right now, I feel depressed, sad, ashamed, disappointed and I just want to be happy with who I am. I suffer heavily from brain fog, and I constantly feel tired and spaced out, and this seems to worsen after masturbation.

Every time I feel like masturbation, or come across pornographic material, all of my will power and strength goes away, and I just masturbate like it's the right thing to do, but as soon as I do it, I hate myself. I'm a 16 year old lad, so this may sound stupid of me, but sometimes I honestly feel like crying because of it. I hate it but have no strength to quit anymore.

Please, can somebody, regardless of whether you are recovering or have already recovered (really, really well done if you have), give me help. Tell me what I need to do to resist temptation, give me hope and help me get out of this poisonous habit.

Cheers,
Matt :)
 
Hey Matt, welcome to the forums! You will get support here whenever you need it!
First of all, I find it very cool, that you are already trying to quit PMO at a relatively young age! That's awesome!

You describe, that you feel depressed and weak after relapsing, which leads to another relapse and so on and on. Unfortunately, that is very common. Many others, including myself, know that phenomenon very well, too. Basicially the only solution is to fight through it. Sounds so easy, but is incredibly hard...i know that. Let me give you some tips & experiences I learned over the last years.

You need a plan. You have to make a plan, what to do when urges come up. If you don't know how to act on those, a relapse is almost certain. Very common activities for recovering addicts are excercise, reading, meditation, cold showers, time with friends & family, time in nature, studying. For me, excercising works best. You should try some of these (or others), when you feel tempted and find out which ones work best for you. Addiction recovery is different for everyone and there is not one solution for all. It is pretty much trial & error.

Don't store your technical devices in your room. This usually increases the intensity of urges in my experience.

Learn as much about addiction as you can. A great source for information is yourbrainonporn.com. Having a basic understanding about addiction helps to indentify some emotions you may feel and to not freak out about them. For example, you will learn about the 'chaser effect', which is probably a big part of your relapses, I guess.

Try to invest in yourself in other areas of life as well. NoFap isn't the solution for every problem in your life, but it will give you a kickstart for self development. Try some new hobbies, make friends, learn new abilities or languages. Basicially do anything you like. Don't let PMO take away all your motivation and drive for life. It just is not worth it.

I wish you all the best!
Take care
 
Hey there!

Thanks for taking the time to make this reply, much appreciated.

Since I lost my interest for my previous hobby, all I have been doing whenever I am at home, and I mean literally about 95% of the time, is sitting on a sofa watching vlog or gaming videos. It's safe to say that I have no life.

I have been trying to find new hobbies and hopefully I will find one that suits me so I can continue to quit my addiction.

Thanks for the help :)
 
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