I'm so easily triggered (can't do shit)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Kman20, May 6, 2017.

  1. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

    513
    619
    93
    I was planning to watch a movie today but found out it had some nudity so I refrained from doing that. Then decided to move on to a show I liked but it had some triggering girls so I gave that up too. Felt like I couldn't do anything which prompted me to write this.


    So I can never seem to handle my triggers. My longest reboots have been thanks to me avoiding triggers all together and living like a monk. But as the beginning of my post implies I really can't do anything if I'm just avoiding them all. Can't watch or read anything that I'd like to without there being triggers for me.



    Watching certain shows that have the slightest bit of resemblance to the porn I watched, like seeing a character that reminds me of some feature of the porn I used to watch triggers me. A big one is seeing an attractive girl on screen and getting aroused by her makes it feel as if I'm watching porn again because she isn't real after all, I'm seeing her through a screen. This is how I ended up relapsing in my last attempt, I avoided looking at any girls for a month then the moment I saw an attractive girl on screen I got so aroused so fast and immediately relapsed.



    I can't seem to watch, read, or listen to things freely without some little thing triggering me, or reminding me of the porn that I watched. It could be sex being referenced in a book I'm reading, to even seeing an attractive girl in a show that I'm trying to watch. Sex is just everywhere. Triggers for me are everywhere.



    These reminders and triggers always get me easily aroused and the arousal makes me feel guilty. Then the guilt makes my mind think "Hey you looked at something stimulating and got aroused, you've already failed, might as well fap then" the GUILT is a big thing that gets me every time but I'm sure this is just my addicted mind combined with my OCD and me being a perfectionist. Should I just try to go through my triggers, see that they aren't porn and tell myself I'm not watching or reading this in order to be aroused? It seems like the only logical thing I could do, otherwise I just won't be able to enjoy any kind of entertainment.



    Plus there are some shows I like to watch that have very triggering characters to me, I'd actually look up fan p of these women when I pmo'd . It almost makes me feel like I can't enjoy these anymore because of my addicted mind. Like I have no freedom to do anything. What do you guys think?
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2017
  2. PeacefulWarrior

    PeacefulWarrior Fapstronaut

    33
    31
    18
    I feel like many of you on here are brainwashed! We are men, we are supposed to be attracted to women!! You shouldn't feel guilty about it. You aren't watching this programming with Fapping in mind. Just keep practicing self control, you shouldn't feel anxious or guilty about it.
     
  3. r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

    1,288
    1,767
    143
    Watching fake virtual girls on screen is BIGGEST reason i started PMO . I also need to find way out of this fake virtual girls screen .

    Virtual screen and PMO always makes me feel like my brain is washed .
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2017
    frustrated30plus likes this.
  4. rafaeloey

    rafaeloey Fapstronaut

    177
    134
    43
    bro i have the exact same problem! the guilt makes me relapse everytime i saw a trigger even if it was unintentional! but yea, its very hard but im still tryin to improve my self control tho.
     
    Deleted Account, Kman20 and r8js like this.
  5. r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

    1,288
    1,767
    143
    same here , I feel depressed , anxious and followed by guilt .
     
  6. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

    513
    619
    93
    Yeah I can't help feeling guilty looking on at an attractive girl even though it isn't porn. My body reacts and my heart starts racing..
     
    YellowPig and frustrated30plus like this.
  7. SavageDeathclaw

    SavageDeathclaw Fapstronaut

    40
    41
    28
    hey bro, there is nothing wrong with being aroused by seeing beautiful women. Enjoy your bodies natural response to seeing an attractive girl and recognize that it doesn't mean you have to fap.
     
    Deleted Account and Tesslynne like this.
  8. Look, we're human beings. We have a sex drive. Choosing to not PMO doesn't mean that our sex drive goes away, we are choosing this so that we control our urges, instead of our urges controlling us like wild animals.
    Watch the shows you wanna watch bud. Part of rewiring your brain in this process is to alter the way YOU look at things. Being addicted to PMO, makes our mind sexualise everything. This by far, is the biggest hurdle that prevents PMO addicts like us lead a healthy social life imho.
    I've tried the whole "shut everything out" approach, it doesn't work. By doing this, we aren't facing our demons, we're simply hiding from them, that's not strength or courage, rather it's the opposite of those two.
    Self-Control means that we understand and tackle our triggers head-on. Look away if a 'sexy' scene is too arousing, skip over the nudity. If you aren't interested in that part, you won't miss not seeing it.
    Enjoy the shows you used to enjoy mate, just learn to lower your gaze and think about things non-sexually like 'what does the "sexy" aesthetic or sex represent in the show, movie, book etc. Like how does it fit into the environment being portrayed, what would've necessitated the writers to put the fictional characters into those circumstances, is it just fanservice, or does it develop the character more, do the fictional characters seem more human because of the portrayed nudity or sex, how does it fit into the overarching narrative' etc. For example, I like anime, and videogames, I was playing Street Fighter V the other day, and my old self would just ogle the female character models. But I didn't do that this time, I focused on the gameplay, and the characters, and their backstories, I empathised with the 'good' things about them and it helped me enjoy the game on a deeper level too.
    Same goes for anime, I don't watch it for ogling the big breasts or the fanservice shots anymore (and I used to watch A LOT of hentai), I watch it because I enjoy the shows for what they offer in terms of storytelling, action sequences, SFX etc. There is so much more to the entertainment we consume than just the "sexy" stuff. Use this abstinence from PMO to appreciate the good things about them. All the stuff that you'd glaze over because your mind was too high off the dopamine.
    And lastly, getting a boner is normal. I get them at the weirdest times even when I'm not thinking about anything arousing too. It's called being a guy. So it is understandable that you'd get one if you find anything arousing, and when you're first coming off PMO, you'll basically find everything arousing, that's the hard truth (lol sorry, couldn't resist the pun) . What is important is to understand that feeling aroused is no excuse to PMO.
    Feeling aroused is normal, addiction to PMO, definitely isn't.
    The only 'entertainment' that I've let go of are mainstream music videos, that are just sex sex sex, with no artistic integrity to show for it. But even then you shouldn't be guilty, for getting aroused. You're not watching porn, tell that little bitchy voice in your head to STFU, you're watching something entertaining that may contain some elements of sexuality, so as to add to the realism, or the human touch. These two are two starkly different situations.
     
    Deleted Account, theSlayer and Kman20 like this.
  9. Bearish

    Bearish Fapstronaut

    526
    526
    93
    Are you in therapy? Trying to break an addiction is tremendously difficult without a competent guide, and cycles of shame and guilt make it all the more difficult.

    Now, to the rest of you: One of my absolute favorite movies is "Pleasantville." If you've never seen it, it's a very powerful movie about change, that change is messy and wonderful and frightening and good.

    But I'm thinking about the scene where Bill Johnson, the soda shop owner from a fifties television show, is talking about his yearning for something new and different from the midst of an "is there mothing more than this," existential crisis. Knowing that such yearnings are bound to start moving things off their appointed courses, Bud (the modern Californian transported into the show), answers his question,"I think you shouldn't think about that anymore." To which Johnson replies, "OK, I'll try that then..."

    It doesn't do anyone any good telling them what they should or shouldn't feel. To help someone through something as complex as addiction, you have to meet them where they are, and listen. Sometimes you may have some insight to offer, but MOST of the time, the Best thing is listening.

    And I'd caution one not to treat "sex drive" as if it were an immutable and irresistible force outside ourselves. We are not "driven" by sex. We may have complexes about it, and we may feel out of control of our feelings, thoughts, and desires, but they are just there, like any other feelings, like joy or compassion, regret or longing.
     
  10. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

    513
    619
    93
    Oh my god I feel like this is the exact kind of response that I was hoping for....Yeah I'd always feel so guilty about these things because I'd get aroused from it but I would never start watching whatever I was watching with those intentions in mind. I'd be into it for the plot or it'd just be something that I have really been waiting to watch. I ended up watching the movie I refrained from watching last night and just told myself that I wasn't there for the sexual scenes and I won't gawk at them. Even if I did I'm not looking at it as essentially porn. Just trying to view it as any normal person would and not act on it like some uncontrollable animal by fapping. Man I am SO SO SOOOO glad you mentioned anime because I was HEAVILY addicted to hentai, I was probably more addicted to that kind of porn than any other kind of porn (if hentai didn't exist I probably would have conquered this addiction long ago) and since my reboot I've been finding it difficult for me to watch any anime shows that I'd like to because I'd feel I'd be "cheating" whenever the female characters aroused me. But like you said I'm going to watch it and switch my mindset. I'm going to face these triggers head on so I can control them. I guess this is where part of the real battle begins. Thank you so much for your response Enderwish, really helps to get the opinions of other people on things when your own mind just can't seem to be logical and your simultaneously feeling so anxious. Going to face these triggers so I can look at things normally instead of everything triggering me like a mad man. Going to watch that anime show I've been putting off since my reboot now...
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2017
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. theSlayer

    theSlayer Fapstronaut

    26
    26
    13
    Thanks so much for this.

    In my short time here, I've realized some members make others feel guilty about what is nothing more than their natural sexuality.

    Were all human beings here, and our sexuality plays a huge part in all of our lives.

    I joined this forum because I wanted help in overcoming my pornography addiction. It's been a month so far. It's been rough but I'm getting by.

    Denying our sexuality is not going to help us, especially when we have partners in the real world. We live in a highly sexualized world and that's not going to change. And unless we plan on living like hermits, we're going to have to learn to face it head on.
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2017
  12. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

    513
    619
    93
    I am but feel kind of embarrassed of mentioning Pmo addiction. I've thought about it but my counselor doesn't seen like he's ever had some that has dealt with a PMO addict before or if he even know that that is an addiction.
     
  13. Bearish

    Bearish Fapstronaut

    526
    526
    93
    Then this is the moment to confirm whether he's the right therapist for you. Tell him everything. If he stares at you blankly, then ask him to recommend a specialist sex therapist. You will not be able to solve everything on your own, and telling your secrets is essential to taking away their power and giving you relief from all of the challenges you talked about at the beginning of the thread.

    It *is* embarrassing to talk about this stuff. I remember when in my work last year, I told my therapist about M in bed next to my sleeping husband to start at least getting used to his physical presence inconnection with sexual acrivity. I had to clamp down on the embassment and just talk about masturbation at all, which was really, really hard. Still, it broke a lot of ice and made everything easier.

    I believe that when you've long conquered your adiction, you'll look back on that moment as one of the most important in your whole recovery.
     
  14. Bearish

    Bearish Fapstronaut

    526
    526
    93
    This is true, completely. At the same time, it's critical to be able to catalog our triggers and deal with them directly, which is at least in part what @Kman20 is doing above. So both truths must be kept in balance: Don't beat yourself up because the goal is to restore healthy sex AND recognize the triggers, even if they seem to amount to "EVERYTHING."
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

    1,288
    1,767
    143
    @Enderswish604

    nice to see you have told about urself very well.

    Self-Control means that we understand and tackle our triggers head-on. really liked this sentence.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. @Kman20 @theSlayer
    I'm glad you found my 2 cents helpful :) I've been trying to rid myself of this addiction for over a year or so by now, and I have only now joined nofap, suffice to say I've had a lot of trials and errors. But *sigh* as they say, you only ever fail when you choose to not get back up. That's why I'm here now. And honestly it is really helpful to be able to socialise here with people who are facing so much of what I am dealing with or dealt with in the past.
    @r8js
    Lol, thank you very much. If I'm here long enough, one thing people will realise is I have no idea on how to take a compliment :emoji_grin:
    @Kman20
    I agree with @bearishDGS on telling your therapist too, of course it is your call, since you have to bear the consequences, not us, but if you are in therapy, then you should lay bare everything that bothers you. If he/she doesn't get it, then they really won't be much help in the long run. I had a friend who was in therapy, and there was this one secret that she always refused to discuss to her therapist, we got really close (like proper bro, sis fraternal close) so she kinda told me once when I asked what bothered her the most....it ate away at her - keeping that secret to herself, especially when she'd start falling into those bad habits again.. hers is a more complex situation though.. just don't complicate your own situation bro, you shouldn't fight it all by yourself, it is literally your therapist's job to help you face your most personal demons.
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  17. J247

    J247 Fapstronaut

    694
    389
    63
    Simply put, you'll always be exposed to triggers. That's just how society works now. You just have to allow the thoughts to leave your head as soon as they come up. Do that focusing your attention on something none arousing, like toenail fungus or acne exploding.
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  18. Enchin Grace

    Enchin Grace Fapstronaut

    5
    9
    3
    Dont fall in the trap of the never ending cycle of guilt, depression and porn again. Its tough. So you ought to be priud you are trying to stop. Life is to learn and grow. That is what you are doing. Do not be guilty. You are betrayed by big producers who earn billions by the day. Porn lies to you so realistically you have come to believe it's lies. Your brain is used to it. For you that is reality at a specific moment. But it is not, keep in mind. Your partner now or someday will be far different from the people in porn. She or he will give you pleasure in a way different to porn. Not an ever lasting energy filled sex session or a sexy body always. But a moment where he or she will be giving you their devotion and love. Porn actors on screen never get that. In fact sex is a basic routine for them which never gives them any pleasure at all. It is a lie. Porn portrays a woman as an objest or a toy. Women tied an used. It shows that women like rape or foced sex which is not at all true. Women fighting at first and then begging for more. You satisfy yourself, you never satisfy a partner. And thus your thoughts turn selfish. A real relationship is all give and get. Its a lie. Why would you ruin a real relationship and bond you can have with a human full of feelings...for a feelingless screen of perfect lies? Think.. Read regularly and keep youself updated on the effects of porn success stories..and mostly dnt fall in guilt. If you feel that way speak to somebody you are comfortable with eiyher in person or online. GOOD LUCK
     
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain and Kman20 like this.
  19. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

    513
    619
    93
    Thanks, this definitely true. After abstaining for a while you come to realize just how fake it is, like my minds eye finally beginning to open and set in on what porn really is or more importantly what it isn't. It's not love true love anyways. I'll try not to fall into the feelings of guilt again, thank you your reply it was most helpful and insightful.
     

Share This Page