I'm so sick of this cycle

I don't know why but I seem to struggle so much with erotic hypnosis and submissive erotic videos online. I just want to be free from this horrible treadmill of frustration and shame.
Today I simply messed up by choosing to watch stuff on youtube instead of watching a fun movie that I had originally planned. I didn't even have a strong desire, just a stupid slight curiosity which then sure enough spiralled down into fetishes and porn and myself losing everything I've worked towards.
I feel so hopeless and trapped in this world of lust and I'm so tired of losing my battles over and over again. I just want nothing more than to get rid of this mental porn/fetish parasite that sucks away my desire for true intimacy and happiness.
This has gotten to the point where it's affecting my relationship with my girlfriend who I truly want to marry one day, but my problem is causing so much grief and hurt to her as I keep telling her that I'm trying to quit, and then relapsing within 20 days at most.

I don't understand how I can continually do the very thing I hate despite me clearly seeing how much damage it causes me psychologically and my girlfriend emotionally. I just want this to end.

 

Thanks for the tips, Ivax. I really appreciate your reply, and I'll start with working on those to begin with.

 

Thats such an accurate summary of how I feel Florida Freedom, and I want nothing more than to be free from this cycle. I just pray that I'll remember to fight the small battles as well as the big ones.
I'd love it if you could keep me in your prayers