I don't know why but I seem to struggle so much with erotic hypnosis and submissive erotic videos online. I just want to be free from this horrible treadmill of frustration and shame. Today I simply messed up by choosing to watch stuff on youtube instead of watching a fun movie that I had originally planned. I didn't even have a strong desire, just a stupid slight curiosity which then sure enough spiralled down into fetishes and porn and myself losing everything I've worked towards. I feel so hopeless and trapped in this world of lust and I'm so tired of losing my battles over and over again. I just want nothing more than to get rid of this mental porn/fetish parasite that sucks away my desire for true intimacy and happiness. This has gotten to the point where it's affecting my relationship with my girlfriend who I truly want to marry one day, but my problem is causing so much grief and hurt to her as I keep telling her that I'm trying to quit, and then relapsing within 20 days at most. I don't understand how I can continually do the very thing I hate despite me clearly seeing how much damage it causes me psychologically and my girlfriend emotionally. I just want this to end.