I'm so sick of this cycle

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by squishyllama, May 20, 2019.

  1. squishyllama

    squishyllama New Fapstronaut

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    I don't know why but I seem to struggle so much with erotic hypnosis and submissive erotic videos online. I just want to be free from this horrible treadmill of frustration and shame.
    Today I simply messed up by choosing to watch stuff on youtube instead of watching a fun movie that I had originally planned. I didn't even have a strong desire, just a stupid slight curiosity which then sure enough spiralled down into fetishes and porn and myself losing everything I've worked towards.
    I feel so hopeless and trapped in this world of lust and I'm so tired of losing my battles over and over again. I just want nothing more than to get rid of this mental porn/fetish parasite that sucks away my desire for true intimacy and happiness.
    This has gotten to the point where it's affecting my relationship with my girlfriend who I truly want to marry one day, but my problem is causing so much grief and hurt to her as I keep telling her that I'm trying to quit, and then relapsing within 20 days at most.

    I don't understand how I can continually do the very thing I hate despite me clearly seeing how much damage it causes me psychologically and my girlfriend emotionally. I just want this to end.
     
  2. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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  3. RaOne86

    RaOne86 Fapstronaut

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    It is normal bro.. don't panic too much.. if you are able to abstain for 20 days.. it is good.. for longer time.. try again.. don't curse yourself..
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. Perhaps you could quit on two levels:

    1) Clicking on, or writing a search for, or writing the web address of, a porn page: you quit this absolutely and completely, never again will this happen in your life. This could include also "seeking information", for exemple looking up your favourite models / genres on wikipedia, etc.

    2) Masturbation and porn fantasies: if you can, as long as you can.
     
    squishyllama and RaOne86 like this.
  5. Florida Freedom

    Florida Freedom Fapstronaut

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    praying for you, I know how frustrating it can be to go around the mountain so many times. You are on the way to freedom because you are sick of it...……...now you just have to convince your body that you are in control refused to be ruled by the desires it craves.
     
  6. squishyllama

    squishyllama New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the tips, Ivax. I really appreciate your reply, and I'll start with working on those to begin with.
     
  7. squishyllama

    squishyllama New Fapstronaut

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    Thats such an accurate summary of how I feel Florida Freedom, and I want nothing more than to be free from this cycle. I just pray that I'll remember to fight the small battles as well as the big ones.
    I'd love it if you could keep me in your prayers :)
     
  8. Florida Freedom

    Florida Freedom Fapstronaut

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    message me sometime, maybe we can text and encourage one another
     

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