Welcome to C90 Day 19!!!!!!!! 19 !!!! That's amazing!!! I'm looking forward to 20 tomorrow but lets not get ahead out ourselves. It's Saturday and that's when my body say "we're gonna get sexual relief and pleasure today". It's got years of training to think that. I'm in the process of retraining and reconditioning my body to understand that's not always going to be the case. My mind was drifting into fantasy mode when I woke up and I noticed and consciously started thinking "that thought it a lie! that thought is a lie!". I then started to think about conscious thoughts vs unconscious thoughts and how easy we slip into autopilot mode. As you think about that (if you do) and you realize that you can choose how you feel, when you start to feel something, you can make a choice to accept it. Deciding to do that and making that choice isn't as easy as deciding to eat an apple its more like hearding cats. You tell yourself you're doing it, you accept it, you focus on what puts you in the place you want to be and you're there (hopefully). A moment later the old conditioning kicks in and you start to feel bad, you automatically focus on what's wrong and how many thing are wrong and bam you're feeling like crap again. So... you start over... you recognize you're feeling this way, you decide to change then you change your focus and you feel better. It's work, that you have to do over and over until it gets easier. Which it does, trust me, it takes time but it does. It helps to write down your thoughts and keep track of them. It helps to keep track of your successes .. "remember last tuesday when I felt like this and I focused on that and I felt better.... Wow, it worked then, lets do it again". Success builds on success!! It helps to talk to people. Find someone that you can analyze your feelings with. Someone who won't judge you but hopefully help you. Btw talking to someone is THE BEST way to help yourself. Your thinking got you where you are today, it makes sense that , that same thinking cannot get your out of it. That doesn't mean you cannot get yourself out of it , it means you cannot get yourself out of it by thinking the same thoughts that got you into that state. It also means that a second opinion is FREAKING GOLD JERRY!!!!! Today is Saturday, Sunday for some in other countries. Enjoy yourself today, you ARE BREATHING!! Let's celebrate that!!! That's worth a freaking HIGH FIVE !!!! I WOKE UP TODAY BREATHING !!!!! YEAHH!!!!!!!! WOOO HOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!