I'm starting a group called C90

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Deleted Account, Dec 24, 2018.

  1. Welcome to C90 Day 19!!!!!!!!

    19 !!!! That's amazing!!! I'm looking forward to 20 tomorrow but lets not get ahead out ourselves.

    It's Saturday and that's when my body say "we're gonna get sexual relief and pleasure today". It's got years of training to think that. I'm in the process of retraining and reconditioning my body to understand that's not always going to be the case.

    My mind was drifting into fantasy mode when I woke up and I noticed and consciously started thinking "that thought it a lie! that thought is a lie!". I then started to think about conscious thoughts vs unconscious thoughts and how easy we slip into autopilot mode.

    As you think about that (if you do) and you realize that you can choose how you feel, when you start to feel something, you can make a choice to accept it. Deciding to do that and making that choice isn't as easy as deciding to eat an apple its more like hearding cats.

    You tell yourself you're doing it, you accept it, you focus on what puts you in the place you want to be and you're there (hopefully). A moment later the old conditioning kicks in and you start to feel bad, you automatically focus on what's wrong and how many thing are wrong and bam you're feeling like crap again.

    So... you start over... you recognize you're feeling this way, you decide to change then you change your focus and you feel better.

    It's work, that you have to do over and over until it gets easier. Which it does, trust me, it takes time but it does.

    It helps to write down your thoughts and keep track of them. It helps to keep track of your successes .. "remember last tuesday when I felt like this and I focused on that and I felt better.... Wow, it worked then, lets do it again".

    Success builds on success!!

    It helps to talk to people. Find someone that you can analyze your feelings with. Someone who won't judge you but hopefully help you.

    Btw talking to someone is THE BEST way to help yourself. Your thinking got you where you are today, it makes sense that , that same thinking cannot get your out of it. That doesn't mean you cannot get yourself out of it , it means you cannot get yourself out of it by thinking the same thoughts that got you into that state. It also means that a second opinion is FREAKING GOLD JERRY!!!!!

    Today is Saturday, Sunday for some in other countries. Enjoy yourself today, you ARE BREATHING!! Let's celebrate that!!! That's worth a freaking HIGH FIVE !!!!
    Br1 R1 and Daniel1 like this.
  2. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Excellent remarks and well put once again.

    I was listening to a Tony Robbins podcast today and he said something that really struck me and is widely applicable for us and what you just wrote:

    Whenever he has a stressful or negative thought (or craving), he immediately brings that into attention, acknowledges that's "that's not my thought" and dismisses it as ridiculous. The next thing he does is redirect his focus for 90 seconds on what's real and what he appreciates in his life, what he is excited about and how he is going to help others today. After that exercise, the negativity, the cravings and the "old conditioning" as you put it is replaced by something better.

    And here's the key that struck me: in the past, it didn't take him 90 seconds - it took him closer to 4 HOURS. But he did it over and over and over. Just overwriting that old conditioning over and over and over until the new conditioning comes easier than the old.

    That's what we all have to do: catch ourselves every time the mind slips back into old thought patterns, cravings, negative emotions that lead to cravings etc. And then refocus and recondition ourselves, much like you are doing here, love it!
    Deleted Account and Br1 R1 like this.
  3. Thanks man. Yeah conditioning the mind is what it's all about and yeah repetition repetition repetition.

    First you have to understand the idea of stepping out of your thoughts which was pretty trippy the first time I heard it.

    Once you got that then you have to figure out how to get out of it. Sometimes you can think your way out but most often (and most effectively ) its using your physiology.

    That's a learning curve too. What can you do that changes your state so radically that it frees you from your mind.

    This is why cold showers work great !!

    Theres a ton of TR stuff on YouTube. Hes truly the master of this stuff.
    Daniel1 likes this.
  4. Holy Crap ITS C90 DAY 20!!!!!!!!!
    What a great day of the week to land on too!!!

    I hope you all are with me on this awesome day ( or at a higher level).

    Theres been some cravings the last few days but I worked thru them. I'm looking forward to the next 10 days.

    If you're not in a good place pmo wise or even feeling wise, stop and take a moment to ask why.

    Well first, if you're ok with not being in a good place then that's ok too. But if you want to change, start asking the why questions

    Why do I feel like crap?

    Why does that make me feel like crap?

    What do i feel like crap when that happens?

    What is it about me that says I have to feel like crap when that happens?

    Where did I learn to feel like crap when that happens?

    When did I decide that when that happens I have to feel like crap?

    Do I have to feel like crap when that happens?

    Can I redefine my definition so that I dont feel like crap when that happens?

    Is it possible to not feel like crap when that happens?

    Can I feel happiness instead, when that happens?

    Asking yourself questions is one of the most powerful things we can do to help us understand ourselves better and to help ourselves.

    Everything you feel was taught to you at some point. Its all learned behaviors that you can change. We are not robots!!! We can write our own definitions!!!

    I hope this is making sense for someone.

    Have a great day everyone!!!
  5. Welcome to C90 Day 21!!
    21 is more significant than 20 as it marks the end of 3 weeks. I was very happy about 20 though as you can read in yesterdays post because I like the blocks of 10 especially when we're going 90.

    But 21 is remarkable as well, 3 weeks and on to 4. That first 4 weeks / 30 days is always a challenge and it's sort of cemented in my head a little bit. I used to be part of this mens recovery group that met weekly and in order for the newbies to speak at the non-newbies meeting you had to have 30 days. I never liked that rule because I thought everyone should have an option to speak. But regardless that 30 day mark was always a bar held over my head which at the time I had alot of trouble getting too.

    Last night I was challenged with triggering social media. They were all safe non porn images but not something I need to be looking at. It was interesting because as I looked it, there was a part of me that started asking "why am I attracted to this?". There's little difference between someone's hand and their genitalia, they're both body parts yet we've trained ourselves to go crazy when we see the latter.
    It was nice to see my brain asking those questions in that moment, it helped me decide that I'm not going down this road and I need to leave. It was definitely a moment where 2 sides of my brain were wanting my attention and I consciously made the right choice.

    I exercised my "That thought is a lie!" and "I am AWESOME, I LOVE myself and I GOT this" mantras and clicked away.

    I'm super proud of myself and gonna celebrate this win (we must celebrate our wins because we beat the crap out of ourselves when we "don't win") and double down on my goals so that the next 10 days are rock solid!!

    Take care today, have a GREAT DAY!!
    Daniel1 likes this.
  6. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Really well done identifying what those thoughts really were. I had a similar experience yesterday:

    There's a strip club that has these tiny business cards with a half-naked girl on one side of it. Most likely to market themselves, they have spread out these business cards on the streets in Stockholm, literally thousands of them spread across sidewalks all over the city center. So when I look down to see where I'm walking on the streets around my university I see these business cards laying there every hundred meters or so.

    Just like what showed up in your feed, it's a super-stimuli, meant to hijack our biological drives:

    If you remove a bird from its nest and add large fake white eggs next to the actual eggs, the bird will lay on top of the fake, larger eggs and let her actual children die. Why? Because it's a super-stimuli; the bird is biologically wired to protect the larger egg.

    PMO has the same effect on us, and we need to be very mindful of where these super-stimuli show up in our lives and recognize them for what they are: just pixels on screens or color in pictures meant to manipulate parts of our biology, it's not real, it's an illusion and we need to keep reminding ourselves of that.

    So when I see these business cards on the ground, I immediately listen to how my body reacts, I feel the urge to look down more and let myself be tempted, I acknowledge that the craving is there, but then I also acknowledge that it's not real, it's not what I actually want, it's merely a biological reaction to an artificial cue, and then I let go of the craving by being mindful of what happens in my body, taking a deep breath, and releasing it with the out-breath.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Hey thanks for the insight. I love the mindfulness with the business cards. I think I'd be tempted to pick the cards up and toss them just because of the littering aspect of it haha.

    Thanks for contributing and being a part of the group, I truly value your insight.
    Daniel1 likes this.
  8. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Right back at you my friend. I'm getting a ton of value being here!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Welcome to C90 Day 22!!!
    A nice in between number on the way to 25, though I'm now looking at this as the last week of the first 30. Its interesting the different ways we look at things.

    Today I'm going to talk about symptoms and problems because I just talked about it with another user in the X90 thread.

    We all go into this looking at PMO as "the problem". If we can just stop PMO, we'll be good right? Not exactly. There's another problem or should I say there is the real problem.

    PMO is really just a symptom of this real problem. It's a side effect. It's the end result. It's the routine and reward.

    The real problem is in our heads. It's how we're processing information. We're thinking things and feeling bad and using PMO to feel better.

    The cycle is
    1) have a thought
    2) feel bad
    3) use PMO
    4) feel better
    5) feel bad again

    Though it also might be
    1) see a trigger (or hear or feel)
    2) have a thought
    3) use PMO
    4) feel better
    5) feel bad

    It's definitely not
    1) use PMO
    2) feel better
    3) feel bad

    Sometime there's a
    X) go back to the first step and start over

    On another note, I've been studying Dr Joe Dispenza lately and he's of the thought that its
    1) have a thought
    2) feel bad in the body
    3) the brain observes the body and produces more thoughts of the same type
    4) feel worse
    5) use PMO

    He also suggests that we train our body to feel a certain way (even at certain times) and the body get addicted to feeling that way.

    If every day you feel bad at 5pm because of anything, you'll start to automatically feel bad every day at 5pm automatically because the body expects it. When we go to try and change the body resists us because it wants that feeling again. It's difficult to change because we're fighting our own body here.

    Anyway, PMO is the symptom not the problem. Just like alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and every other thing we get addicted to. It's not the problem, it's the way we handle the problem.

    The thoughts we have in our heads is the problem. That doesn't mean you're broke or something is wrong with you. It means the super computer that is in your head has been programmed to produce thoughts in response to stimuli. Those thoughts are usually wrong and down right lies!

    If you can understand that you can and need to step outside of those thoughts and see them for what they really are, you're more than halfway there. And that's a lesson for another day.

    Have an excellent day today, you definitely deserve it!!
    Daniel1 likes this.
  10. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Great post as usual! Your posts always show up as a great midday source of inspiration for me. Keep that in mind going forward: that your posts here really are making a difference and you're really having a positive impact on people in this group, many of us spread across the globe.

    So remember that if you ever have doubts or cravings, your contribution here is very valuable and together we can beat this thing!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. Cool man thanks, that's nice to hear, I sometimes wonder if anyone is reading.

    I am doing this to combat pmo and to fulfill my need for contribution.

    I'm totally with you in that together we can beat this thing. We already are, we're changing our lives each moment we're not doing the same old thing.
  12. Welcome to C90 Day 23!!!!

    THIS IS FREAKING AWESOME!!! We're on day 23 (or more for you)!! It's not a milestone but really it is, everyday is a milestone honestly.

    I've a subject to write about but I'm leaving a note here for myself to talk about how our brain is just trying to protect us.

    But today's subject or topic or what I'm talking about. I'm gonna talk about how great I feel and how I absolutely shouldn't be. I've stolen happiness today, yup, I stole it and I own it right now.

    You see, yesterday was a stressful day for me. It cause a headache and I ended up laying down for a while after work. I checked in on my X90 group and mentioned how things were showing up in my social media that normally was a trigger but it was more annoying than anything (at that moment). I remember saying and thinking I've no interest in seeing your <bodypart> all over my screen.

    Well fast forward later that night when I'm alone and cannot sleep because I slept before. I'm past stress but more annoyed and pissed at things and suddenly Wow all those things that I had no interest in were suddenly REALLY INTERESTING!! In fact, I had a hard time not going down that road, I went near it, I danced around it, I was one click away from it but thankfully, I did not cross that line.

    So today, I woke up, yesterdays stress starts filling my brain, remembering how close I came start messing with me (I suck at this and you're not getting better and you crossed the line just by going so close, you failed) and then again the thing I had no interest in was in my head and part of me found it interesting and I wanted to go back. I later thought of it like an alcoholic going to the bar to hang out with his alcoholic friends but not drinking yet watching them drink and really wishing he could drink.

    This is all withing the first 5 mins of being awake. The day hasn't even started and I'm already feeling like crap. Then I remember... I can decide how I'm going to feel... in fact, I must decide that I'm going to feel better because this day will go to total hell if I don't change this now.

    Off to the bathroom to clean up. I have an exercise I do in there every morning, I say to myself "I'm AWESOME, I LOVE MYSELF AND I GOT THIS" while hitting my chest, clapping my hands and pounding my fist into my hand. I jump up and down pumping my fists in the air and saying YES!! YES!! YES!! (silently because my family is asleep), I catch myself in the mirror and see that I'm laughing and that makes me laugh even more. I think about all the thing's I'm grateful for which today hit me like a truck like ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! i'VE GOT THIS AND THAT AND THAT AND ITS WEDNESDAY, AND I LIVE HERE, MY FAV TEAM IS IN THE DIV PLAYOFF THIS WEEKEND, I'VE A WONDERFUL FAMILY.... etc etc .

    I could not stop seeing all that I was grateful for. My health, my job actually, the people who pissed me off (for helping me), for just so many things. And I'm skipping all the basics, like I can breath, I can walk, I can see, I can mostly hear, I can laugh, I can smile, I can eat, I have food to eat, I'm smart, I work with smart people, I get to work on interesting things. so many things.

    I didn't look at p last night! I've this many days, I'm making changes to my life, I've got these awesome groups in nofap, we are as a team are making a difference, etc etc

    I apologize if it sounds like I'm bragging, i'm totally not, I'm feeling in a super state of gratitude.

    And that's why I'm here right now. That's how I got here.

    In the old days, when I drank alot, last night would have been get drunk, PMO, wake up feeling absolutely @#[email protected]#$, hating my job, hating the people I work with, pissed off to go to work. I'd probably have another bad day and repeat it all over again.

    Dr Joe Dispenza has a quote "that hardest part about change is making the different decision than you did the day before". That rings so true to me because for so many years all I did was the same negative things over and over. The struggle is still there but it's 1/10th of what it used to be and i'm more happy making the positive things day after day than the negative ones.

    Have an AWESOME day everyone!!
    Daniel1 likes this.
  13. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Wow, that is absolutely amazing to here my friend. That's a massive win for you, really good job!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Thanks dude, i appreciate it. I think at this point we're the only ones reading this haha
    Daniel1 likes this.
  15. redoanew

    redoanew Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much that idea that the thought is a lie is cool I have not thought of it that way before but it is true if I give in the the thought or temptation it will not make me a happy person and I will not be better off. I have not made a long list of reasons yet that is a good idea I think I will do that tomorrow. I have had a lot of temptations lately but so far I am still doing good. Thank you for taking the time for your response I am very greatful for your support.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Hahaha, even if that's the case from time to time that's fine too. I'm loving reading your posts so let me share some insight of my own this lovely morning:

    For a long time I've been facing the realization that I sometimes fear being alone with myself in my room. I may have had a fantastic day but as soon as I get home, some low-key anxiety creeps up on me (that I don't even notice unless I'm really tuned in to my body). Underlying this reaction is some kind of fear of being alone with my thoughts and confronting things that may be bothering me. This is why I so often end up looking for distractions or stimulants in the form of porn, masturbation, food and Netflix.

    I've had it many times when I've tried to quit porn in the past that I've been eating excessively instead - merely replacing one addictive, compulsory behavior for another, which has always inevitably led me back to porn again. The issue in these instances has been that I merely addressed the symptom (porn) and not the real addiction, similarly to what you've mentioned before.

    I now believe I've found a new tool to tackle to real addiction head on. It's a meditation technique called "do nothing".

    Like the name suggests, you just sit down in a chair or on a cushion on the floor, eyes open, and do nothing. It's important to not drift away in thoughts and stay present and just listen to your mind and your body. This is, for me, the ultimate way of dealing with the angst that builds up when I'm about to be alone in my room. By doing this, all inner resistances, cravings and repetitive thoughts come to the surface and I have to listen to them and deal with them. It's definitely painful at times but WOW does it produce results.

    I was doing this yesterday and it was truly fascinating. It was like listening to the arguments of a child (my ego/self in this case): "I don't want to go to bed" (really imagine a child saying that, because that was the nature of the thought) and "I'm bored". And along with these thoughts I felt a physical "pull" to act on these impulses (which would first lead me to food and Netflix, and later to porn).

    By doing this I fully realized that I really am in control. I was sitting like this, just listening to my mind go over and over and over about ways to distract itself from reality, for 20 minutes - doing nothing but observe. And I really realized that it's my choice. The addiction can only control me when I identify with it and believe that those thoughts are my thoughts: they're really not, they are the product of the mind. This became extremely obvious as I was sitting there, staring at a wall, while my mind kept trying to make me do things that I knew I had no business doing.

    Can really recommend this exercise! I will be doing it every evening going forward :)
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. hey man,
    That's awesome that you're using that tool. I've read about it and practiced it some, I even tried it this morning but my dog wanted my attention too much haha.

    It is interesting what comes up in the mind when we are quiet. And it is difficult to do but with practice you get better. My gf studied Shambala meditation and I believe they do something very similar. I remember a weekend retreat she went on and she spoke if people crying because their inner child so to speak had wanted to be heard for so long and they finally stopped to listen that it was overwhelming incredibly healing.

    It is interesting to dig deep into those thoughts and see where did the fear of being alone come from.

    If you watch or read anything by Kyle Cease, he covers this alot and often does 2 hours meditations a day just to listen and observe.

    That's great progress, Daniel, I really like where you're going with this. I think alot of us could learn from these practices.
    Daniel1 likes this.
  18. Welcome to C90 Day 24!!!
    24 amazing days so far, lots of learning and self reflection. Lots of mental strength building and growth. It's incredible to see.

    I'm seeing and being a part of alot of great conversations on this forum and its very beneficial to me and hopefully others.

    We're learing about alot of great tools that we can use as we fight this addiction. It's important to have more than one. Like any trades knows, having more than one tool for the job is often required. As a coach of mine used to tell me, have a menu of things you can choose from when the moment arrives.

    Preparation is key here.

    One thing I saw here recently was someone being down on themselves because it was their first time trying to abstain and they had slipped 10 days in. I don't think there's enough emphasis, or even any, on how we learning how to fight this battle.

    Alot of people, including myself jumped right in and expected to hit it out of the part and go 90 days straight and be done. That would be awesome to and many have done it but many more have not.

    This journey is like learning how to ride a bicycle. You start out, you fall, you get up, you start again. You repeat that 100 times until you get it.

    You also may start out with training wheels.

    My point is, fighting PMO is like learning to ride a bike, you may have to try many times to finally learn how to ride, before it becomes second nature to you.

    Do you think about how to ride a bike when you ride one now? No, because there's so much muscle memory that you don't have too. As such you want to train your brain to automatically go somewhere you want to go when you get triggered. You want to see a sexy person and be like 'that's nice...' and move on (or whatever you want to think). You might think of you SO.

    Anyway, we have to find what our way is. For those that can go cold turkey that's awesome. Others may look to a gradual reduction plan which may be better for them. There's no this is better than that here at all, the end goal is the same no matter how we get there.

    There was a time when I stopped looking at P and just M+O when I needed to. I was so desperate to get P out of my life it was the only way I could do it. I even considered waking up every day and just M+O right away to save myself the trouble of thinking about it all day.

    This thing really messes with your head. Don't get down on yourselves if you slip and fall. Think of it as you figuring out what works for you. Some people need rehab, some people need 12 step meetings, some people need family, some people need groups like this forum, how its done doesn't matter. You might do like what I did and try them all. You'll certainly gain a lot of different experience and techniques.

    Go easy on yourselves, remember this is a learning process.

    Have an awesome day everyone!!
    Daniel1 likes this.
  19. Welcome to C90 Day 25!!!

    It's amazing the power of the brain. It's amazing what we've learned and what we don't even know.

    In this recovery, we've been trying to re-program it to our benefit because we mistakenly or not knowingly programmed it to look for p when we needed it. For most of us it definitely wasn't something we set out to do, we just fell into it at a young age and the immediate satisfaction and rush was overwhelmingly so incredible that we had little choice but to return to it.

    At certain points you may get incredible mad at p for what it's doing to you or what it's cost you. I know I've destroyed a cell phone, an ipad and a key computer keyboards after failing a few times. Yes, anger is an issue for me haha.

    P is not inherently evil but its effects on us are devastating. The industry itself is filled with crappy people who use and abuse many other people for their own personal gain. But the fact that people are having sex on camera isn't in itself evil, it's just two people having sex. If aliens came down and saw us watching this they'd probably laugh their asses off and not understand what it is we're doing.

    It's not often understood that the brain is just using it to protect ourselves. It's seeing something as a threat or its noticed that we're not feeling bad and based on what it knows it's saying "lets he do this, we'll feel better".

    For some, it is an actual coping mechanism for something they're going thru in their lives. I've heard many stories of people going thru serious trauma (sexual, mental or physical abuse) and found porn as their outlet. In cases like that, going to porn actually saved them by helping them get thru or deal with the trauma. It's not their fault that their brain chose porn to help them, it was using the thing that it saw would help them the most.

    At the age when most of us started looking at this stuff, we weren't in a mature enough stage in our brains to understand what would happen and know a better way of dealing with what we're dealing with.

    There's a sh*t-ton of negativity we associate with ourselves over looking at porn, acting out, slipping, etc etc. All of that negativity we were taught in some way. We're very cruel to ourselves being in this addiction.

    My point today is that if you're going thru this no matter what stage you're at, understand the brain is just trying to protect us and it doesn't know any better. We're in the process of teaching it a better way to deal with it things and it's a long and difficult journey filled with many potholes.

    If you're feeling bad about this, give yourself a break and love yourself a little by being compassionate for to yourself. If your best friend was in your shoes, would you treat them as hard as you treat yourself?

    I hope today finds you in a good place, I hope many great and happy things happy to you today, from my heart to yours, I wish you the best.
    Daniel1 likes this.
  20. Welcome to C90 Day 26!!!

    Close your eyes... in your head say "Hello". Now, also in your head, scream "HEELLLLOOOOOO".

    Who is saying that?
    Is that you?
    If that is you, then who heard you say hello?
    Are you the person who said hello and listened at the same time?

    Is there a voice in your head that's constantly chattering and never shuts up? The voice that causes you to doubt yourself. The voice in your head that tells you to look at p. The voice in your head that says just a peek won't hurt, you've worked hard at this but its ok to take a break and watch this because it's not really porn (but it's half naked woman dancing around and insinuating sexual acts).

    If you've ever wondered about that voice, why it's there and why it won't shut up then you should check our this book by Michael Singer called 'the untethered soul'. I found it incredible and really eye opening. I highly recommend it.

    There is the conscious you and then there's your crazy roommate (who never shuts up). We get lost in the blend of our true selves and the incessant chatter of the crazy roommate. They're not the same and understanding that will help you in your journey especially this one.

    Understanding that your mind can tell you things that are outright lies, it's important to understand that voice in your head is not you.

    You are not the one who tells you that you won't make it and you're gonna fail. You are not the anxiety that you suffer from AS MUCH AS IT MAY SEEM SO.

    We are meant to be so much more than we currently are. In your life and in mankind as a whole. We're so much more than we are now and we have alot of capability that we are not fully utilizing.

    If you're having a tough time, check out that book, I found it super helpful.

    Have a great day everyone!

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