I'm starting to become ashamed of this community

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Castielle, Nov 16, 2019.

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  1. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I know this thread is going to be shit all over, and that's fine. That just illustrates my point.

    I'm just gonna say, in the recent news with the lawsuit and fighting back hard against porn, I've been referring so many people here, because of the help I got here years ago. And now I'm honestly kind of ashamed of this community, and not sure if I would recommend it to anybody.

    I'm all for freedom, especially freedom of speech, but there are some people here and some views being rampantly spread that I just don't understand allowing. And I honestly think Alexander is doing himself a bit of a disservice by continuing to allow so many things that make this community look like it's full of wackos who hate women and think their sperm gives them superpowers.

    I'm not going to read the comments of this thread, but if people want to discuss, go for it. Personally, I never thought I would see the day when I would be advocating for shutting down the off topic section or making some more stringent rules on posting, but honestly, I'm starting to see people's point when they say that. I just don't see what is helpful about allowing people to stick around these forums, constantly spreading hatred and sexism and cruelty, and never adding anything useful to the community. I feel like all I ever talk about here anymore is sexism, and it's not because I want to. It's because it's so rapidly spread and widely accepted or ignored her that I feel like I NEED to. I would love to not feel the need to call out sexism all the time here, but as long as it's still such a huge problem, i just can't sit around and ignore it.

    I've strongly considered leaving this site many times, and I know I'm just one person and a lot of people certainly wouldn't miss me. But I think it's a shame that so many people feel this way, because of all the crazy people spreading hatred and insane ideaology here. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I'm just tossing it out there as something for the higher ups to think about. Maybe it's time to reconsider the rules and crack down on some of the stuff that makes this community so easy to dismiss and laugh at. Because I know many members of this community are much more than that, and there's great work being done here. But when you have to weed through piles of crap to get to it, it's hard to support it as a whole.

    I really believe nofap is a great place that is helping, and has helped, a lot of people. And I want to see it continue to succeed. And personally, I think reevaluating some things would help that cause.

    Anyway, share your thoughts. Agree? Disagree? I'm sure there are many on both sides. How do you think nofap can improve?
     
  2. Super Mike James

    Super Mike James Fapstronaut

    People are just lousy on the internet in general.
     
  3. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

  4. NothingMoreNothingLess

    NothingMoreNothingLess Fapstronaut

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    This whole thread is just her complaining about getting decimated in a thread which she called out “toxic masculinity” and folks who are not white knights from that thread a couple days ago you and I were in. I think a lot of people can have civil debates on here, hell I had one not too long ago about video game. I aways noticed she starts the most arguments/drama and made it more personal than it had to be, thus causing division. Top it off with defamation posts and ignoring/blocking folks who have different opinions and are labeled as “sexist” by her and this is what we get here. The rules don’t have to change, I think she does.
     
  5. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    It reminds me of the great philosopher, George Carlin: "There are two knobs on the radio. One of them turns the radio off, and the other one changes the station."
     
  6. LEPAGE

    LEPAGE Fapstronaut

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    I remember having some very good discussions here. I sometimes go back and read them, to remember the good times. I'd agree that the off topic section has taken a downward turn.

    I think it is more that the people who made this section great have either left nofap or stopped posting in this section, rather than there being more of a crazy/troll element. The people made it great. There were always interesting threads, and they rarely devolved into a series of personal attacks against other members.

    I'd like to see this section great again.
     
  7. brilliantidiot

    brilliantidiot Fapstronaut

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  8. zig

    zig Fapstronaut

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    The amount of people here who think that free speech exists on a private forum absolutely baffles me. Alex could ban everyone with a vowel in their username and would be well within his rights as founder of a private entity. With regards to your question, I think topics that a) spurn animosity against users fighting a common battle (pmo) and b) fostors discussions which are irrelevant to the forum's purpose ought to be regulated with greater force. The forum has been pretty laissez faire in its approach to moderation (which I usually support) but lately it may benefit this community to tread a little lighter. We all have a common goal here.
     
    Hros, Sawako Kuronuma, u376 and 4 others like this.
  9. Eternally Music

    Eternally Music Fapstronaut

    Then why don't you? I'm not saying this because I want you to leave, I'm asking because I'm wondering why do you continue to put up with it? I saw the appalling responses to your thread and wouldn't blame you. If I were in a forum that actively spoke out against my gender and/or race, I wouldn't want to stick around. I think what happens here, however, is there are a lot of guys firmly against the man-hating that's been spreading through mainstream media and I wouldn't blame them, but then they turn around and jump down the throat of anyone that says something related to the criticism of men. They think in blacks & whites instead of being able to see and consider the point presented. I'll guess that's what happened in that thread of yours.

    This is, as far as I know, the second thread you've made where you were vocal about wanting to leave. Why do you continue to stay if you find yourself displeased often?

    As for your question, I'm not completely for the idea of increasing the control on a forum (although this is a private forum, so such a change would be completely fair), but that thread... that thread suggests some kind of change should be made.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2019
  10. LEPAGE

    LEPAGE Fapstronaut

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    I swear Waldo101 needs to come back, or someone like him.
     
    recon117 and Deadlihood like this.
  11. Eternally Music

    Eternally Music Fapstronaut

    Who is that?
     
  12. LEPAGE

    LEPAGE Fapstronaut

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    He was a really cool poster who used to start threads in here. He hasn't been seen since August 2017.
     
    u376 and NothingMoreNothingLess like this.
  13. NothingMoreNothingLess

    NothingMoreNothingLess Fapstronaut

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    @LEPAGE I fully agree that the off topic section was better a few years ago. There was a hell of a lot less drama and negativity before as well. I miss that Jukebox fellow. I stand by my previous post here.
     
    u376 and LEPAGE like this.
  14. Eternally Music

    Eternally Music Fapstronaut

    Just looked him up. I saw his thread about his thoughts on "insulting" a fly. Yeah, I agree, a person that starts silly threads like that would be cool.
     
  15. LEPAGE

    LEPAGE Fapstronaut

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    I check almost every day to see if he's been here.
     
  16. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    For the sole reason that I have friends here I want to stay in touch with, but who I don't feel comfortable giving my personal information (like an email address) to.

    EDIT: and to be honest, the irritation of the injustice that I might have to leave a place that was created to help people like me who struggle with porn addiction, because leadership can't get their crap together and ban sexist douche bags. Or at the very least, shut down the sexism and make it clear that it's not tolerated here. Since, you know, there's a written rule against misogyny here. It feels incredibly unfair to have to leave because of sexism and men treating me like crap for being a woman, when the forum rules state that sexism is supposedly not allowed. If all the women who feel this way just leave, then how is anything ever going to change or get better? My preference is for things to change and be better. Leaving feels like giving up. Which I will do, if I decide this place is beyond hope, but I haven't decided that quite yet. But I'm getting closer and closer every day that this crap goes unchanged.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2019
  17. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    What's ironic is that I'm incredibly against that as well. In my personal life, I swear, I talk more about misandry on a daily basis than I ever talk about misogyny. You can ask my husband, I literally rant about hatred of men and how misandric the world is becoming on a nearly daily basis. And then I come here and get treated like shit by the very guys I try to defend, because since I expect to be treated with basic human decency, they label me a feminazi. That's on them, not me.
     
  18. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    But honestly, this probably isn't enough of a reason. I likely will leave soon, but I wanted to post this thread first, to maybe show the higher ups that the way they are allowing things to be run here is pushing away people who are trying to make things better. Namely, women. Because we don't want to stick around in a place where we are constantly dealing with bigotry that goes unchecked. I'm really just speaking to the people who run this site, to hopefully show them that something needs to change.
     
  19. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I am fucking upset about it. Why the hell shouldn't I be? The amount of disgusting, misogynistic, condescending garbage in that thread is appalling. And the fact that you and your little buddies just laugh it off as nothing is absurd. I deal with this crap all the fucking time on this site, and I'm sick of it. You would be too if people treated you this way, just because of your gender. And when people DO treat men that way because of their gender, I stand up for YOU. But when the shoe is on the other foot, you laugh and join in and act like I'm overreacting.

    This is completely and utter bullshit. I honestly didn't read a lot of those comments yet, but now that I have, I'm even more appalled and disgusted by this community. I reported that thread and asked for moderation and all I got was a damn "hey guys, be nice, okay?" Fuck this shit. You guys have fun in your little boys club, laughing about all your little buddies treating women like shit. I'm not gonna be a part of it anymore. Which is just fine and dandy with you, I'm sure, as you can go on blissfully being sexist and horrible to others without anyone calling you out on your shit.

    I'm done. the people who run this site need to get their crap together and realize how damaging this shit is. If you're allowing all this crap, you are part of the problem, and you're no better than the people saying it in the first place. I stand up for others when they are being attacked or bullied or treated poorly for their race, sex, religion, whatever. And I'm sick of people reaching out privately being like "I agree with you," but not having the balls to actually stand with me publicly.

    Thanks to everyone who actually gives a crap and stands up for what's right. But I'm sick of trying to change this place. The women here have already been talking about starting their own place, so they can have somewhere like this to go to not be around all this garbage. So if Alex has any interest in keeping his female audience around and making this community not become a cesspool of misogyny, he might want to consider changing a few things. Just saying.
     
  20. Subzero-32

    Subzero-32 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you especially after I saw the thread brilliantidiot mentioned
    I'm open to any kind of ideas if it was presented respectfully, but direct hate speech is unacceptable
    Respect is crucial and it's the main thing that everyone should embrace here
    I think you should accept the fact that it's hard to say something related to genders,religion,politics,etc without offending anyone these days
    It's like walking on a field of mines, you should pick you words very wisely, but even if you did you may still be able to offend someone
    Let it be, use the forum to Benefit yourself and others you care about and ignore the toxic behaviour of some of the members
    Couldn't articulate my thoughts that well, english isn't my native language,I really have much more to say about this,but I think sometimes it's better to hold it in rather than facing complete misunderstanding
    Have a nice day
     
    u376, need4realchg and recon117 like this.
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