I'm starting to become ashamed of this community

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Castielle, Nov 16, 2019.

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  1. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    The thing is, I did pick my words wisely. What I said wasn't even offensive at all. It was very mild. And the response was outrageous. Some people just can't handle a woman speaking their mind, unless they agree with them. I'm completely fine with disagreeing. I'm very good at disagreeing with people and still being willing to converse and respect each others difference of opinions. But that doesn't apply to sexism, racism, or the like. Those "opinions" are not respectable.

    I'm not sure I agree with that, when it comes to this kind of thing. I mean, imagine there were a ton of people on these forums who constantly said stuff about whites being the superior race and how black people are inferior and don't know anything and shouldn't be listened to or taken seriously, etc. I can barely even type those words as a hypothetical example, because it's so disgusting, and I've heard even WORSE things about women that I literally don't even want to type because they're so appalling. And imagine if those posts were consistently reported and never taken down and the posters are still roaming free, in this very thread. Now imagine you're a black person. Would you want to just ignore it and use the community to benefit yourself, and not worry about the bad parts? I certainly wouldnt. I wouldn't want to be a part of a community whose leaders allow that crap. I wouldn't want to support it in any way. And that's how I feel about this.

    We aren't talking about like people disagreeing on politics or something. And it's not just about "some members." It's the people running the site. If it were just some members, it wouldn't be a problem, because if the people running the site were actually intolerant of this kind of crap, then those few people spreading toxicity would be banned. Or at the very least, their posts would be removed. But more often than not, that doesn't happen.

    No worries at all! I think you articulated yourself just fine. But I understand not wanting to say more, because it's a difficult subject and you don't want to be misunderstood. No problem. And you have a nice day as well.
     
  2. Subzero-32

    Subzero-32 Fapstronaut

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    I totally understand your anger but I really think that you need to relax and maybe take some time away from the forum and then rethink about the situation when you rage ia gone
    Your point is valid I'm not saying anything, but try not to act on your emotions, leaving the forum is letting the negative voices take over
    Do you think the guys you mentioned represent the community?no one does! We are all a bunch of different people having the same main problems combined in one place, there's some immature people, learn to ignore them, you shouldn't even argue with them because it's pointless
    Don't try to change them, ignore them and focus on the ones who deal with you respectfully
    It isn't ideal by any means, but it's better than leaving the forum
    I hope your voice will be heard, this forum is for all people without exceptions
     
    Lilla_My, u376, Two_Brains and 2 others like this.
  3. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

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    I do not know anything of the threads you are referring to @Castielle. However, I worked out that for my own wellbeing it was prudent to steer clear from the off topic section. I think you spend the overwhelming majority of your time reading and posting in this specific forum. That is your choice but, clearly, it is a source of distress to you. Why not devote the majority of your time to the other forums that are ON topic? After all, you are here to reboot from your porn addiction. You are more likely to achieve that by being active on the other forums. I have no bad or disrespectful reason to make this observation. But there is much more to NoFap than the off topic section. It is not even relevant to our goals. Just saying. Best wishes.
     
  4. SuperPowers

    SuperPowers Fapstronaut

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    LOL. why don't you just leave? No seriously, just leave if you don't like it. In my experience, you're just full of negative energy and its not fair on everyone else to have to listen to this. Look, if you don't like it, do us a favor and leave if you don't like it, stop complaining, a lot of people like this site and don't need any more negative energy. You need to learn some respect. How dare you say you're ashamed of us all? Shame on you!
     
  5. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Hi Castielle, I think you've probably answered your own concern.

    I would encourage you to take some time away from the site. From your posts, I sense a lot of frustration and angst - I'm not saying it's justified or not, but why put yourself through it?

    If the site is as bad as you say, then there's no hope for it and certainly don't refer anyone to it.

    Take some time away. See how life feels. If you are still frustrated and upset, then you'll know it's not from NoFap. It things clear up, then best wishes on an awesome life.

    Personally, I believe there is a lot of hatred in society today anyway and we tend to label people to fit our molds without understanding who they are or where they came from.

    Again, personally, I don't have the time to worry or lock horns with someone who is sexist or racist. If there is one thing I have learned through a lot (and I mean A LOT) of personal work is that I can only try to control and change myself. That in and of itself is more than enough to keep me busy.

    Cheers, Best Wishes amigo.
    HF
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2019
  6. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    That's true, but blocking people and ignoring controversial posts doesn't change the problem that exists here that I'm not okay with. I don't want to support a community that allows that kind of stuff. So honestly, I probably am going to leave.
     
  7. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    You're completely missing the point. Yea, someone does represent this community. And that someone is Alexander, and the rest of the leadership here. Those are the people I have a problem with. And I really don't appreciate being told to basically calm down, when I'm trying to address a very serious issue that's important. I'm not going to just continue to ignore it, which is what it sounds like a lot of you want. Sorry, no. I've ignored it long enough.
     
  8. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Community Manager
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    Hi everyone,

    @Castielle , thanks for bring our attention to this. We are concerned to hear that something like this maybe going on in the forums. We do take our goal of making these forums a safe place for everyone to come and recover seriously. The misogyny we have seen on the forums we have taken down in accordance with our rules. We are a small team though, and we rely a lot of user reports. You could all help us by reporting any misogynist content you may see. We'll try to get to your report as soon as possible. Please be patient, it can often take a few days for reports to be resolved due to backlog.
     
  9. Tatendrang

    Tatendrang Fapstronaut

    With all due respect @Castielle I think your view is false. Correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to spend a lot of your time here in off-topic arguing with the same two or three people. By definition, off-topic section is not key to the site and the small subset of the forum population you interact with doesn't represent everyone. As I see it the vast majority of us are just trying to kick a compulsive habit and get our brains and dicks (if applicable) back to a functional state.
     
    Randy, Lilla_My, u376 and 4 others like this.
  10. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I understand what you mean, but the point is the leadership, as I've said multiple times. It's not about the few people (and it's more than just a few people, honestly, but let's pretend). It's about those few people having no repercussions that actually stop them from hurting people in the future.

    Anyway, I'm probably not going to keep responding here. The mod above reached out to my privately, and I appreciate that. I'd rather discuss these issues there and see how things go.

    But to be clear, I'm not saying the entire community is bad. Quite the opposite, actually. If I thought this whole community was bad, I would just leave without saying anything. I wouldn't have any interest in trying to point out a way they could make things better, because what would be the point? This community, as a whole, has a lot of good people and good aspects. But it also has some flaws, which I wanted to draw attention to. That's all I wanted to do.

    I do apologize if my anger made for some hyperbolic statements. But honestly, if you have an entire thread full of people ganging up on you and saying all kinds of misogynistic crap, and have to report it several times and kick up a huge fuss for it to be taken seriously, you'd probably be kind of angry and fed up too.
     
  11. brilliantidiot

    brilliantidiot Fapstronaut

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    You need to calm down. Your posts are way more aggressive than any of the alleged misogyny you are referring too. You've reported it, and that's all you can do. Throwing a fit isn't going to help. If the off-topic is so offensive to you, why don't you take a break from it?
     
  12. Sawako Kuronuma

    Sawako Kuronuma Fapstronaut

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    I’d be all for a female only place, because they can’t and couldn’t possibly understand since they’re not women. In my honest opinion it would be more relatable, and I would probably have a better time than on here, though I’d miss some blokes from here for sure. Having more options is always a good thing, especially when you’re in something male dominated, so nothing bad towards the guys here in general it can just be a little too overwhelming and awkward.
     
  13. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    In the past I had a huge problem with rejection.
    Whenever I saw or talked to dominant people, my inner wound of rejection was triggered.
    I was intended to judge them, to talk about them in a try to shut their mouth. I preferred them to disappear completely so I didn't have to interact with them any longer. It was a very tough time for me, because of all the anger and inner struggle I experienced.
    I've gone through all my own sh#t and nowadays I don't have problems with that kind of men any more. It's their life, their problem, and their wound. When the time is right they hopefully will become conscious about their problem and start working on it. It's not my problem any more. It's their problem.

    I would like to say a few words to you Castielle.
    First of all, take care of yourself in real life. This is just a forum full of wounded people.
    Wounded people will hurt others. No doubt about that.
    If something creates misogyny and misandry, it should be the use of porn.
    As soon as I use porn I start project all my shit on women. That's one result of sin.
    I don't want it, it's the way it works.
    (To make reading easier: misogyny is hatred towards women, misandry is hatred towards men, simply spoken).

    I often see you taking a lot of offense in your posts, and I know from my own experiences: Taking offense is never a good thing as it will feed your anger and develop your inner problem. It creates a spiritual bondage between me and the thing I take offense to. This is no judgement, it's just the way I've experienced it works.

    I really believe it can be a good idea to step back from the forums for a period and spend more time in your real life.
    I also hope you will find out what your inner issue is, I really believe you have some inner problem, reason why you are touched so easily by certain type of guys. See my example above. I believe if you make work of your own recovery / processing your own issues there will come a time you don't feel it personally if a guy says something you don't like.
    It doesn't mean we have to ignore all kind of things, but it means we then can act out in love and respect in a way to help them because we care of them.

    When you start pointing to guys and calling them misogynists, I think: but you are showing misandric behavior, calling them idiots, lot of judgements, you seem to like the word bullshit etc. I dare to say that you are projecting a lot of your own feelings onto these guys.

    As a Christian you certainly know the well known words of Jesus: Love your enemies. And: Bless them who curse you.
    I wonder how this words fits into your situation according to all those unpolite guys.

    Again I say: be careful of yourself and give yourself the love and care you need.
    All the best to you.
     
  14. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    The thing is, a lot of them talk all this red-pilled shit about women, but IRL they're probably nice guys or don't even interact with women at all. I think that we should acknowledge that a lot of these generalizations about women/men come from misunderstanding and a distorted worldview.

    SquadW is real btw. Women get away with a bunch of shit, but a lot of men go too far as well. Men and women are assholes, and that will never change.

    Still, I can see why a lot of the females on this forum just stay in the "Women in Reboot" section. It's kind of sad.
     
    ANewFocus likes this.
  15. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    Definitely a bunch of psychotic “red-pilled” incels lately parroting the same points. I mean, it was like that even a couple years ago with Ra’s and Runtilmylegsfalloff, but now it’s like they’re everywhere. That, and my successful reboot so far, are some reasons why I mainly lurk now and even then I don’t come on every day.
     
  16. grungeisinfinite

    grungeisinfinite Fapstronaut

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    Nobody stops you from leaving. Why are you and your anger here?
    Personally I love women as much as I love music, life and everything else I love lol. Seriously, I don't treat women like shit or at least don't mean to. What I treat bad is bad actions, bad attitude. You whine about a lots of things and make us look like some goddamn maniacs or something. Just the fact you block someone who disagrees with you is telling a lot about you.
    You can be a sweet lady, normal, nice human being, but you have chosen to be mad about everything and just set our asses on fire with just not being okay with everything we say. You radiate feminists vibe. And I mean this mean, mad feminist with no point. You just get mad over small things or just whine too much. Cmon, lady. We can love you as much as everyone else, and we want to, but you just push us away and also spit on us with your anger.

    Attitude causes attitude or whatever they say :)
     
  17. grungeisinfinite

    grungeisinfinite Fapstronaut

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    And it once again seems just crazy how you don't want to accept difference between me and you and next guy from you and first guy from you and another one and another one and blah blah blah. WE ALL ARE DIFFERENT! It's not idiotic! It's not crazy! It's just different! For you it may seem so, but it's not, sweet lady!
    Look at things this way. Some guy's name is for example Sheik Yerbuti Onmafes. You may laugh about it or call it idiotic, but in that culture that may mean something really saint and beautiful, divine. And you laugh, cause for you it seems to be bullshit. If that's the way you look at life, then don't wonder why you can't accept a lots of things in forum.

    Rainbow has a lots of colors and it's beautiful because of it. For me it seems you hate rainbows. You just like one color in the rainbow and that's it.
     
    johnmarston2001 likes this.
  18. Demodectic

    Demodectic Fapstronaut

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    Well you have a mans face as your Avatar which makes everyone think you are a man. Probably why you catch so much flack because people think they are talking to a Leftist SJW male. Thats what i always thought. Why dont you change your avatar to a woman and I think you would have a completely different experience.

    You are inviting you own problems by using a mans face as your avatar. I know when I spoke some harsh woprds to you a couple of weeks ago it is because i thought I was talking to Leonardo DiCaprio (a male). If i knew you where female I would have not said it.

    In general just stay off the "off-topic" section if your goal here is porn recovery. Newbies should focus on the "main forum" of rebooting and relapse prevention. I myself dont care too much to talk of politics, Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders or any of the political stuff. Thats why I stay away mostly from those posts. But i certainly would not advocate to censor them. Like if you go to restaurant and dont enjoy the food that doesnt mean the restaurant should be shut down. Just dont eat there anymore.

    THis whole censorship mentality is what I find TRULY TOXIC. It is the height of intolerance and tyranny to try to censor and destroy people that have different belief systems than yours. In fact it is the defining characteristic of totalitarianism and communism
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2019
  19. grungeisinfinite

    grungeisinfinite Fapstronaut

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    I also have a vibe about you that just yells "She has no point" I'm not saying you don't have one, but I just feel like you're using all these smart sounding words just to seem to be right, when in really simple speech you wouldn't sound so right/confident. Just being able to give your point with just throwing out couple of words already means you know wtf you're on and up to, but you just write fucking books in each of your comments, and that makes me laugh about the stuff you write here. It's just empty with fat look, if you get what I mean.
     
  20. Sawako Kuronuma

    Sawako Kuronuma Fapstronaut

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    Well, I honestly hope you stay but I know that’s ultimately up to you. You’re certainly valuable to folks here especially with women than you probably realise, so hopefully you reconsider and realise these toxic wankers here aren’t the majority.
     
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