1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I'm starting to think its not sex.... (my personal story and revelation)

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by gaccts82, Nov 21, 2020.

  1. gaccts82

    gaccts82 Fapstronaut

    107
    109
    43
    I was never taught about relationships as a kid. My parents had their struggles. My mom slept downstairs in a separate bedroom from my dad when I was in high school.

    I never got "the talk". I was introduced to sex by my peers and teachers. They didn't do a good job. I formed an unrealistic view of what sex was.

    I remember being shocked when kids started having sex in my grade. I remained a virgin until college. In high school, my friends were fuckboys, and the girls were hoes. Having a high body count was normal and seen as a sort of "status"

    I felt very insecure about my virginity. I went to college with the focus of losing it, and I did, with a girl I had known for two weeks. It was not great. I went for about 1 min, then I had to stop.

    I was confused after this. I felt like I used another human for my wants, even though she was down too.

    I didn't do anything with anyone for the rest of freshman year.

    Over quarantine I fell in love with a girl who ended up breaking my heart. We didn't have sex, she was a virgin. But what I first experienced was emotional connection. This was one sided though. I felt way stronger about her then she did of me, and she broke my heart and shattered my self image.

    I was unaware of these feelings during the time.

    A few weeks later, I had sex with another random girl I met at a party. This was also a shitty experience. I maybe got 3 strokes in then I had to stop. I felt nothing. No sensations at all. I was also drunk. But I overthinked it and started to spiral. Why doesn't sex feel good? Am I gay? Did I fuck up my cock and can't feel? What's wrong with me????

    I was fucked up in the head. After weeks of feeling terrible, I figured out through therapy and self help what I needed to do. I needed to love myself, and I started that journey.


    A few weeks ago, I had sex with another random girl. This time, I went through with it. The experience taught me a lot. I didn't hate myself for doing it, or not doing it "good". It wasn't crazy. There wasn't an overwhelming indescribable feeling pressuring me to nut the second I slipped inside.


    After processing these experiences, I have learned is that its not the physical feeling of sex that I yearn. Its the emotional connection that I desire. I didn't have sex with my ex, but that feeling of being close to someone and desired satisfied me. It felt good. Sex "feels" good, but its fails in comparison to what emotional attachment does.

    And after all this, I still wondered what I wanted. There was this voice inside my head, telling me "you are only young once, you NEED to bang girls while they are still hot". I felt like I was missing out on my youth and teenage years if I wasn't having sex. This voice still echos in my head.


    But I think I know what I want. I want a girlfriend, at least right now. I want to feel this connection with someone.
     
  2. Survival 3 Man

    Survival 3 Man Fapstronaut

    48
    37
    18
    The big problem is lack of discipline. We are all thought to chase after girls and have plenty of sex for status but you never be satisfied. This one of the reasons why I have trusted the bible instead of the catholic church because you gain understanding and christ and God wants to have a spouse but it requires patience and discipline. Remember you will suffer if you go down this road but be rewarded with loving spouse and ye will appreciate each other not the body. Evil want to sell you lies men need to be strong so they guide women.
     
  3. I'm sure you might find someone someday.
     
  4. Phil 3:12-16

    Phil 3:12-16 Fapstronaut

    736
    3,351
    123
    Sex can and should be meaningful and wonderful :) So you are right, it's no good to chase after sex without committed emotional intimacy, without a sense of generosity for the other. Generosity is helpful, taking/using is not. Sex is made to be a splendid expression of deep intimacy, beyond just the sensation.

    Like all actions we do with our body, it communicates something because of body language. What sex really should say is "I love you, all of you, only you, forever; and I am willing/eager to have children with you". Sex means this because there is no way to be more physically intimate with someone, and so to share each others' WHOLE bodies is representative of sharing each others' WHOLE lives, uniting exclusively, with deep love that welcomes children if they come along. If that is not what we mean in our hearts when we are having sex, then our actions aren't honest. But we can leave the past in the past, let ourselves be healed, and keep trying to live with integrity.

    The urges are strong though, because we are made for love. Our urges are actually for true love, but the overly-sexualised culture we grow up in makes us think the urges are just about physical pleasure and so it's OK to have sex with anyone. Let us not believe that! Let's remember that we are made for true love, that our urges can help us to gift ourselves to our beloved when it is truly right, after patience and discernment and commitment. Love waits. We need the help of others to wait well. Keep up the good work!
     
    MexFighter, Survival 3 Man and Mracu like this.

Share This Page