I'm struggling with my Femdom fetish..

Yes I read a few people who swore it works so I recently adopted it.

Have to say, with the 5 second rule combined with avoiding any tempting browsing online (random videos etc.), then this becomes a lot easier!

 

Beautifully said.

 

Hey guys,
I'm still on my first streak and doing good so far.. I just had today my second session at my therapist (a lady) and I told her in the last few minutes about my sexual behaviour and my fetish for femdom.. she tried to patronize me by saying many people do watching porn and even many people have fetish like SM and stuff.. she asked me if I knew the book fifty shades of grey, written by a British housewife, which millions of people were reading..
damn, I never read this book but since she said these words to me it became harder to resist it no to go into it or letting my fantasy run again..
my reaction was, yes, many people also smoke (including me, actually I'm vaping since 6 weeks), but doesn't mean its good or healthy..
I want to stay strong and do my 90days, but I feel its gonna be pretty hard since I had a big fight with my grandmother yesterday, where I'm recently living at.. I wish I had somebody except my therapist I could talk to about it..(can see her in 10 days the next time).. even though I'm pretty honest, talking about my fetish with the few friends I got is a no-go for now..
hope you others are doing fine..

 

Don't think this is the kind on problem you can really understand if you aren't struggling with it. Your therapist is half right but it's obvious that she isn't aware of the problem, next time tell her about the whole thing if you feel to do so and see how it goes. If again you just feel like it's giving you urges then just avoid telling her about the matter.

Your streak being the first and already being good is a good sign. Feel free to use the forums as much as necessary since here we are/were all struggling with similar problems

 

I think I can help you here. Or at least, provide some alternative thoughts on it. I also recently started therapy (also a she). My best advice here would be to explain how it has turned into an unhealthy obsession (like you already did). And to explain and tell her that you are in need of finding out the underlying cause. Whether it is validation, childhood stuff, (self)love, or whatever it may be that gives you an empty feeling in life, or why you developed a corrupted sexual self and the attached obsessive behaviors.

 

Medical professionals are trained to say those things....
Porn is not bad
Fetishes are normal
And they are right up to a point....
And 50 shades of gray is bullshit... Many People into S&M and bondage hate that book and some even call it crap... Consent is a big part of S&M

But as @Disturbed Monk Said you need to define the whole situation there. May be She will again repeat fetishes are normal and link your problem to other stuff that you have undergone through.
Even if she says so... Remember: whatever makes you feel pathetic, lowers your self worth... Gives you great despair...is not worth it...

 

Thanks guys for your replies.. I'm really glad to have this place where I feel free to talk about anything and not getting judged.

I'm also happy I just had a moment on a video call with a friend where I remembered and told him about a really pretty lady (50+) from my trip to Canada, I had probably the best sex experience so far.. I really felt comfortable with her, since we shared what I called back there the three P's we both loved (piano, pot (clean now for 7weeks after 10 years of everyday smoking ) and penis/pussy).. I feel like its really good and worth for me to made other or particular this positive exp with sex in my life that I should focus on. Gives me even more hope. Thinking about her and what happened really aroused me a lot, but my challenge is more important for me now and I'm glad I ended here again instead in my mind.

Since you guys kinda struggling with the same / similar topic, I'm curious is loss fears also a big issue for you?
With the very few girlfriends or relationships I had in my past - never something really serious - I caught my self often with this habit, which could refer to my low self-esteem. I think it often came from being anxious to being left again and loosing the beauty (the girl) I wanted to have / maybe even to posses. This mechanism ruined basically every relation I had, because I couldn't enjoy the moment, but just lived in my fear.

 

At the beginning a bit, but now I'm really self-confident about it it's not only NoFap, I actually read a lot on self-development too, which I can just recommend you to do to improve the benefits !

 

Johnnybgood,

I HIGHLY recommend you find a therapist that is CSAT.
This person will have expertise in SA.
Others will not have the training.
You really need a specialist.

It’s awesome you are getting therapy.
Not all therapists are great...... I would hate you to spend precious time and resources........

Untrained therapists in this area can cause more harm than good

Good Luck!!!!!

 

I think I have the same problem. our bizarre fantasies make us feel lonely. A relationship in the real life is almost impossible. The sexual needs are only through porn available. I've tried a lot to go on NoFap. my best record was less than a month. I'm frustrated. I thought a lot about all of it. We have two sides. the one side that every man has i.e. we want a normal relationship with the opposit sex. The other side is our fantasies that controls us. I have one extra problem. I have no erection in Real life although it's easy to have it when I watch Porno. That calls Porn induced erectile Dysfunction.
I think the only way to overcome all of this is that we must forget about sex totally for a while through a strict NoFap-Program. Then It would be the time to do a reconditioning for our arouse trigger i.e. replacing the bizarre paraphilic trigger (in our case Femdom) with a normal trigger. The question for me is how to put this plan in practice. I tried every thing, nevertheless I fail always.
I would like to exchange our experiences if you want

 

Hey man, good to see you are here trying to get rid of it as well.
I have the exact same problem, that I won't get any erection without watching porn. Its my first time on nofap, and I'm only on Day 7 now, but I really suggest you in your case to make a strict no-PMO diet like me (one week ago I had the same plan as you, just watching no porn), otherwise I believe your goals you want to reach won't come or it will take much more time, especially with the erection problem.
For me its still hard, I catch myself at least three times a day wanting to go in my old habit, feeling bad (but not even being aroused) -> going for porn and let my self feeling better (which never really worked out), but I'll stick to my 90days goal. I'm watching for about 14 years porn now, femdom-related maybe for almost 10years, so I'm pretty sure I will see a lot of differences after 3 months. Actually, especially today, I feel already how I get more "sexual aggressive", I look at woman already in kind of another way, and I feel like thats the way it should be. In the past I never felt enough urge to speak to a woman and get what I want. And I believe it needs, especially for us men, some healthy aggression to go into sex with the opposite sex.

 

I had lost morning woods due to porn. Stopped watching it, within 12 to 25 days in my 80 day streak... I got back my morningwoods. Nowadays its hard every morning....
I somehow manage to go down into a sicker fetish everytime I relapse ... Its part of guilt ... especially after a long time of Nofap...
So this time I am going with no guilt attached. .. Only with determination...
I think @samismsm & @johnnybgoode Guilt and OCD plays a big part in my problem...
On my 10th day... Gonna complete the course this time...gotta use compulsion to my favour this time...

 

I feel you and I know guilt is also a big problem for me, which so often stopped me from moving on and always threw me back in old behaviour, even though I felt like I was on a better path.. glad you doing it different this time!
just today I experienced again how fucking evil the/my mind is.. best thing for me today was trying to talk (in this case to my grandma) as honest as I can, what I feel and what hurts me in contact with her, made me directly feel much better and the result was so the opposite from all shit my mind told me whats going to happen..

couple of guys suggested Yoga, not as the solution, but helping to feel themselves more and stop a bit all the thoughts. I believe everybody has to find his own way and I can say from all my struggle in the past, there is nothing that works 100% (at least for me), but with a lot of work, patience and focus you can get closer.. I'm still finding out, what calms me down and what makes me more nervous again.. still fucking hard every day.

Nevertheless, keep going guys, we are on a good way..

 

I'm pretty sure it would be a tough way. I've read a lot about those things. I read about them in DSM 5 (the famous book of American Psychiatric Association) and in a book called a practical guide to paraphila and paraphilic disorders. The thing is that I have not only paraphilc disorder (in our case sexual masochistic disorder) but also I'm a porn addict, which makes the treatment very difficult. There are a little experience about therapy in such cases. but It's clear that our behaviour is learned. the more we watch bizarre pornography the more we got used to it and the faster our fantasies shifts. We MUST stop this cycle by stopping Porno and masturbation for a while. after that we MUST learn a new sexual interest. It would be hard but it is our only chance. And I think we are on the right way. We should keep going.
I will start a plan, in which i will stay most of the day outside. Work + sport + Language course. we must forget about sex. I hope I will succeed this time

 

@samismsm & @johnnybgoode
Just stay focussed... Stay determined... We shall succeed...

 

I've been addicted to femdom for years. Honestly, the only solution is to stop watching porn and masturbation. It holds no real purpose in your life. You have a sex drive. It's been hijacked by the idea of another man sleeping with your wife. I've been into it to although only the idea of a woman humiliating me for the act. I'd never want to actually watch a woman have sex with another man. Not even in porn.

Just today I was thinking about a porn vid i I watched the other night. The woman in it was saying "all the other guys I've slept with are so much bigger than you. You're just not sexy". This looped in my head a lot today. I though about coming home and looking up that video to cum to it again. But I thought why?

Will it make me happy? Will it help my recovery? No! It's like if I loved peanut butter sandwiches but I was allergic to peanuts. Sure the first few bites might be tasty, but is it really worth the consequences?

Hope one day you get a normal sex life. Best of luck to you

 

Yeah I have a massive problem with femdom porn and joi videos in particular. It makes jerking off without femdom/joi near impossible.

 

You are lucky this hasn’t escalated to homosexual inclinations. You need to start having confidence in yourself, in being a man, understanding your purpose sexually is to be the dominant one (for the most part at least). I’m still dealing with a fetish for humiliation but I know where it has come from, why it is in fact unhealthy and why I need to get over it in order to get on with my life. Focus on making a better you for tomorrow.

 

I have undergone through the same problem... This stuff is like cocaine of porn world...but solution is simple...do not Watch ... I am on 20th day (took 3 months to reach here ... Even these 20 days are full of ups and downs)... and feeling Great... But journey is not completed.... At least 90 days...

Not a very good advice but give it a try : I tried masturbation without any porn ... I used to cum under 1 minutes or max up to 3 minutes when watching porn..
I masturbated without Porn for 15 minutes before cumming... At least 4 times ... Then to give it a try with porn(stupid me) Masturbated watching JOI and lasted for 5 minutes...

Masturbation leads me to Porn everytime... So I am on NoPMO...as its the only way for me to go...

 

Please see a thread in my profile for help with this addiction.