I'm trying to win my ex back - My letter for her

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by MJ93, Feb 13, 2020.

  1. IWANNABEASTRONAUT

    IWANNABEASTRONAUT Fapstronaut

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    Hi Mj,
    First things first, I am just 17 and have a very little idea about what a relationship means. But I am a boyfriend who confessed about my addiction on day 7 of our relationship. True she hated me for some minutes but then as I explained her about how it works the same way as any other addiction and my fight against pmo on nofap she had her trust back on me. So many factors actually worked in my case like I didn't lie and told her truth as soon as I can and secondly I explained her how I mistakenly went inside that shitty addiction during my early teens. So I know you lied her much (it's ok now) ask her to give you just one last chance (you literally need to beg). The letter seems lengthy. Try to meet her that would make a big impact as it would show that you really care. Last but not least, remember what you said and keep all the promises you make to her. Good luck and remember a girl can never be the only reason to live. Make her a part of your life and not your life.
     
  2. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    I really wish mine was like yours, man :(
     
  3. Wow i’m learning so much for my future relationship. Thank you!!:)

    Women are so intuitive and naturally good in this regard. So loving and understanding
     
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  4. wise words. i agree not to make a woman your entire life before you’re married. Treat her like a queen but also know that you still gotta do you and keep building up yourself and not let her hold you back too much
     
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  5. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    This is so true and a underrated comment. Lot often when you meet someone new all you think about is talking to them and being with them 24/7 from the good mornings to the good nights. When your significant other runs through your mind all day you lose part of yourself and who you are as a person. I was like this in my previous relationships. This deep sense of attachment is a unhealthy way to go about it.
     
  6. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    She sent this song to me last year, showing me how she felt about me :(:( Now I can't listen to it the same way

     
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  7. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    Have you gone through your phone and deleted her pics/messages anything else she sent to you? Honestly re-imagining old memories is not going to help move on. I know at the moment you probably don't feel like moving on but you need to take small steps for letting go. You don't need to drown yourself in pain as that's not going to help the situation. You need look after yourself and build yourself back up.Just remember that you being sorrow is not going to win her or any other women back.
     
  8. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    I don't have any photos of her for now.

    I'm really sorry if this kept bothering you. :(
     
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  9. Coco99

    Coco99 Fapstronaut

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    Not bothering me dude. Just trying to help anyway I can. I know what you're going through because I have been there. It hurts bud eventually I realized its not worth my suffering
     
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  10. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    I need to bring back this thread.

    It's been now 11 days since I've last PMO'ed and lost my girl. Last week on Friday, I sent her this letter by e-mail, and still nothing.

    I started to do this 90 day push up challenge, to see how many push ups I can do for a day. Yesterday, I did 35. I'm going step by step to get back in shape like I used to be back then. I'm also waiting for my appointment for the lumbar injury that I have. I'm also stretching to relieve the pain slowly. I'm starting to seek God for help, and starting to pray again.
     
  11. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    I was dumped by girls I was into. I value this experience very much. It tells me that I can survive if I have a breakup with some girl (even very beautiful and intelligent, doesn’t matter). What matters is your actions during relationship and after breakup, because later either you will be proud of yourself, either not so much. Women are not ours (especially nowadays), they don’t belong to men, even if you are married for 50 years and you have say 5 children, she can breakup with you anytime.
    On the contrary God will be with you forever and anytime you ask, I think it’s very good that you have started to pray again.
    Good luck pal=)
     
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  12. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    Exactly. My actions that I made last week on Monday was a terrible mistake. And last year when I started my relationship with her, I was a lot happier without PMO and I was proud of myself when I went 70+ days without it twice.
     
  13. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes mistakes are the best teachers, cheer up.
    Nofap.com was founded because of a one guy’s mistake (PA), lol.
    I wish you to laugh at your situation in some time
     
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  14. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    I know they are. However, I really can't laugh at this kind of situation.
     
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  15. Faceplanter

    Faceplanter Fapstronaut

    The flip side to this is you have to be sure, as the addict, that you aren't setting yourself up for failure if you're with somebody that has zero tolerance. Zero tolerance is a motivating factor to get clean, but sometimes it's just too high of a bar to realistically clear without tripping on. I started my journey not really knowing the answer to this. But, if my wife really did have zero tolerance and we had big problems from any small slip, I'm not sure that I would have been able to see our future together.
     
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  16. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    Sure thing, it's completely ok to be sad now, I mean in 1-5 years perspective, for example.
     
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  17. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

  18. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    Here's another song, showing how badly I still miss her

     
  19. MJ93

    MJ93 Fapstronaut

    It's been now 15 days since I've lost her and I last PMO'ed. And it's been 11 days since I've sent my letter to her by email, still nothing.

    I'm still doing my 30 days push-up challenge.

    I'm thinking about finding ways to reinvent myself. To go back to being active like I used to be back then, when I didn't do PMO so much.

    So, my new plans are gonna be: getting a herniated disc repaired in my lumbar area (I need a surgery), growing out my hair long like the old times, getting back in shape (as in losing weight), move to the northwest area of the States, find a new job, workout at the gym, go back to training MMA, get some tattoos, play guitar, join a band, make a new facebook account, showing my friends and family the new and improved me, make my ex notice me and my change (she'll regret leaving me, just wait), and live a new life.

    That's about it.
     
  20. CLaYFiRC

    CLaYFiRC Fapstronaut

    I used to be just like you. And I don't mean that in a hurtful way. Just stating that I was the type of guy who sent letters like yours. Figured I would offer my input / advice.

    The summer before I started college, I re-connected with my oldest friend. I had known her since I was 5, but we lost touch for years. Immediately we hit things off. I was so in love with her and completely obsessed. We were the exact same person. At least that's what I thought at the time. I'm not going to go into specifics (because it's a long story), but our relationship ended very poorly. She blocked me on all social media, never returned my calls, and refused to acknowledge I existed. I did what you did. Wrote a long letter and shared songs with her. Hell, I even went out of my way to make a video all about our relationship. It was a mistake and just made things worse. This wasn't the only girl I ever word vomited to either.

    I was in pain from the break-up for a long time. I felt like life wasn't worth it anymore. I gave up on eating, going to college classes, personal hygiene, etc. It was a bad time in my life. All I wanted to do was win her back or make her regret it all and come back to me...even though she was the reason things ended poorly. If it wasn't for my current fiancée (who was my best friend at that time), I would have never snapped out of it.

    Here's another story: My best friend was engaged to this girl for about 2 or 3 years. She was a toxic person and cheated on him constantly. Terrible human being. She ended their relationship, and he is still obsessed with her almost 4 years after. All he does is talk about her, he constantly tags her in things on Facebook, constantly texts or tries to call her, and he even took her and her new boyfriend out to dinner to celebrate her birthday last year. Just pathetic. I have lost all respect for him as a person. I'm not saying you'll ever be like my friend, but he's definitely the most extreme case. He's what happens when a guy can't move past a relationship and refuses to get help.

    Obviously my examples had the relationship ending because of the woman's issues. Yours ended because of your problems. The feelings are similar though. I know it hurts like hell right now, but the sooner you realize that your relationship is over, the better. I'm not saying she won't come back one day, but you need to focus on yourself and not her now. Sounds like you're starting to do that, but you need to let go of the "she'll regret leaving me" mentality you still have.

    Truth is, she probably doesn't regret leaving you. You lied to her and hurt her tremendously. She's the victim, not you. You only see yourself as the victim, because she left you. I don't mean to sound harsh. I get what you're going through, but the past is the past. It's time to live in the present and look toward the future. The sooner you accept that and move on with your life, the better. Definitely do the No Contact thing others have mentioned. Maybe also look into some therapy, self-help books, etc. I believe in you!
     
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