Impasse - Battle of Phone Access

Check out my resources thread, show some of the stuff to him, it might open up his eyes. The resources are also beneficial to you as well. I usually point anyone new to the site to the thread I made, it's helped a lot of people through their journey!

 

That's a fair and honest assessment.

 

It sounds to me like your husband was never praised as a child. Never really acknowledged for his efforts, let alone accomplishments.
Is it likely his mother belittled his father often in front of him?
It seems he isn't keen to doing things by your suggestion, even if the original idea or thought was his, ie. the book.
I don't know your personal history so I can only offer thoughts steming from my own experience. I feel like as far as recovery goes in the betrayal trauma aspect, we're just a few steps away from eachother. You have children involved, so of course it's a little more difficult in your sitiation.
You are the law right now. A husband is supposed to protect you, keep you safe, love you. He failed. There is no excuse for it. If he was unhappy with you before all of this started he should have been an adult and voiced that to you instead of hiding in porn like a little coward. It's not up to him what he does or does not have to do to keep his family together. You didn't sign up for this. Your kids didn't sign up for this. He will do what he needs to prove to you he can be a real husband or you will leave him. Simple as that. He wants to believe the grass is greener over there???? I don't know, a life hiding away at home so you can PMO doesn't sound rewarding to me. While you flourish and rebuild with your kids he'll be zoning out on a screen, ALONE. And he'll stay alone. You cannot build heathy relationships with other people DURING ACTIVE ADDICTION. It's impossible. He's sabotaging his own happiness as well as yours.
You are very patient, and very strong. Put 100% of your energy in YOU and building yourself up right now. You shouldn't have to hold his hand, and the fact that he refuses to take initiative and has the audacity to try to set the terms and boundaries himself tells me he isn't ready for this. He doesn't want to stop at this point. Was there a rock bottom? Right now he doesn't realize what's at stake.

 

Please, please,please....
If he deletes this software, or violates any other known boundary, you have to give him rock bottom. Learn from my mistakes. If you don't give him rock bottom now he will destroy you over and over again until you do.

 

If you smeeeeeellll what the rock..... is cookin’