Importance of consistency

Greetings my brothers!

It is hard for me writing this post right now, but I want to give you an example about how important is keeping your improvement at NoFap and not giving in to pessimistic and bad thoughts that come to your mind.

I am the author of the thread (CHECK IT IF YOU FEAR THE VENOUS LEAK | NoFap®) which I know gave hope to a lot of fellow Fapstronauts.

Back then I was sure I didn't have venous leak and it was my lesbian/BDSM porn addiction. Why? After 45 days of no PMO I managed to have a strong erection standing on my legs which was my biggest goal back then.
What happened after - I relapsed and came back to mediocrity.
I was a virgin at 20 back then. Here is the rest of the story:

Autumn 2019 - PMO, anxiety, bad dates and nothing interesting.
In the winter of 2020 I started a new streak and was sure PMO was my problem.
On the 7th day I met a very beautiful girl and decided to lose my virginity with her.
It went very well and on our 4th date we had sex.
I had no problems getting an erection and fucked her missionary for 30 minutes and I was the happiest boy that afternoon. I knew I had a lot of girls to have sex with after that, but the pandemic situation hit us and I was closed home without sexual contacts PMOing every day all spring/summer. I had another girlfriend but she didn't want to have sex with me, idk why ("It's too early, I am too young, You only want sex...")
In the autumn we met again(first girl) and had sex but what I noticed was that
I lost erection when on my legs and my anxiety kicked in again.

I started PMO again and relapsed many times.

In the winter of 2021 I made it to 62 days which was great.
Just thinking about girls gave me boner while standing on my legs but I still have a long way to go.
Spring 2021 - I had a lot of weekly streaks but nothing serious and I am feeling much better - penile sensitivity came back, some days I have morning wood, but the thought of venous leak is still in my mind, bothering me from time to time.

I was hardcore lesbian/BDSM porn addict for years.
I discovered NoFap 2 years ago.
When I watch porn I can get a 100% erection while sitting on bed without touching my penis.
I can have sex without pills in missionary/sitting.
I had several times where I maintained full erection while standing on my legs but I was VERY aroused.
When on NoFap my morning wood returns some days but when I start PMO it fades fast.

I can't believe how confident I was 2 years ago about being healthy and not having leak, and now I am still unsure, although
I still believe I have only arousal issues/PIED.

How could I have sex without pills with leak? Isn't that strange?
That's why I started a journal in 20-24: (My summer notes | NoFap®) - you can keep in touch, I will upload info about all the stuff.

My advice: Follow the NoFap lifestyle - everything gets better, but once you turn back to old habits, even your strongest beliefs can turn inside-out and
what is red may start to appear blue