Hey guys. Hope you are all doing well ! So heres the deal i want to know your opinion on this. The thing ls ive been battling this "addiction" for 2 years now. For me its not porn its cybersex. Most of the time i felt like an addict and blamed myself about it but recently i started working more on spirituality and meditation and i learned to not be so hard on myself and forgive myself ( very important) and started seeing this only as a bad habbit and not an " addiction " The fact that i was blaming myself had to be because i have a girlfriend now for 5 months now and that i really love dearly. But i haven't been able to stop my cybersex and sexting stuff with strangers. She means so much for me that i told her about my problem and about the random sexting. She didnt like it but she said we will get through this together. I told her ill do everything in my power not to do it anymore. Several fails after our conversation i did relapse on sexting again. Ive told her i relapsed but she thinks its on porn not sexting . I just cant hurt her again like this by telling. After this cycle of blame, regret and relapse I found info on self forgiveness and spirituality I recommend you the documentary e-motion on YouTube, very helpful ! So yeah to the point.. After this realization i started feeling better and i started treating myself with love and appreciation. I stoped being so hard on myself after a relapse and things started to get better. I even started to feel less to none urgess So here comes my question. Yesterday i felt great and grateful for my life. I felt like i finally figured it out I enjoyed my day, took my girlfriend for lunch brought her to school and both her flowers. I took a walk and enjoyed the sun. I felt free of this bad emotions i had in the past. And this is where it gets tricky. I came home i was tired and i layed down on my bed. I had to study but i felt lazy. I had NO URGES what so ever and i didnt want to do it. But i still went on that site and found someone to sext with and ended up relapsing accidentally. While i was doing it i didnt even enjoy it it was by pure habit, as if my brain is programmed to do it and i have no control of myself. Immediately after the relapse i felt horrible because just before that i felt great and as if i didn't need this. So is this still cheating or not really cus i dont really control myself while doing it and i dont even enjoy it. I started the blame game again... i love my girlfriend and im really happy in my relationship so why can't this motivate me to stop this bad habbit or " addiction " once and for all What are your thoughts? Thank you for your time and sorry for my English I wish you all the best brothers!