Important info ! Mind vs Spirit and the SO

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by RecoveryOn, Mar 28, 2019.

  1. RecoveryOn

    RecoveryOn Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys. Hope you are all doing well !

    So heres the deal i want to know your opinion on this.

    The thing ls ive been battling this "addiction" for 2 years now. For me its not porn its cybersex.
    Most of the time i felt like an addict and blamed myself about it but recently i started working more on spirituality and meditation and i learned to not be so hard on myself and forgive myself ( very important) and started seeing this only as a bad habbit and not an " addiction "

    The fact that i was blaming myself
    had to be because i have a girlfriend now for 5 months now and that i really love dearly. But i haven't been able to stop my cybersex and sexting stuff with strangers.

    She means so much for me that i told her about my problem and about the random sexting. She didnt like it but she said we will get through this together.

    I told her ill do everything in my power not to do it anymore.

    Several fails after our conversation i did relapse on sexting again.
    Ive told her i relapsed but she thinks its on porn not sexting .
    I just cant hurt her again like this by telling.

    After this cycle of blame, regret and relapse
    I found info on self forgiveness and spirituality
    I recommend you the documentary e-motion on YouTube, very helpful !

    So yeah to the point..

    After this realization i started feeling better and i started treating myself with love and appreciation. I stoped being so hard on myself after a relapse and things started to get better.
    I even started to feel less to none urgess

    So here comes my question.

    Yesterday i felt great and grateful for my life. I felt like i finally figured it out
    I enjoyed my day, took my girlfriend for lunch brought her to school and both her flowers. I took a walk and enjoyed the sun.
    I felt free of this bad emotions i had in the past.

    And this is where it gets tricky.
    I came home i was tired and i layed down on my bed. I had to study but i felt lazy. I had NO URGES what so ever and i didnt want to do it. But i still went on that site and found someone to sext with and ended up relapsing accidentally. While i was doing it i didnt even enjoy it it was by pure habit, as if my brain is programmed to do it and i have no control of myself. Immediately after the relapse i felt horrible because just before that i felt great and as if i didn't need this.

    So is this still cheating or not really cus i dont really control myself while doing it and i dont even enjoy it.
    I started the blame game again...

    i love my girlfriend and im really happy in my relationship so why can't this motivate me to stop this bad habbit or " addiction " once and for all

    What are your thoughts?
    Thank you for your time and sorry for my English
    I wish you all the best brothers!
     
  2. Well done on coming to ask questions.
    First, sexting is not a lesser thing than porn, it's the same thing just not with video and images.
    Second, you're interacting with a another person to release your sexual energy, that is cheating.
    I get the feeling that deep inside you know this. Your brain is trying to convince you that this is not so bad and maybe it is ok. Don't listen to it brother.
    Strengthen your plan and open up about what is going on.
     
    Butterfly1988, Nugget9, Numb and 2 others like this.
  3. What you should be asking instead is, does your gf think it's cheating? If she does, then yes. And, yes, you do control yourself. You're letting the 'addict' part control you, but it's still you. No one else is controlling you. You have to stay mindful of your thoughts, actions, and choices. Don't let your mind wander and weaken so the addict takes control. And, be realistic and honest about all of this...with yourself and your gf. Denying the addiction is just giving it more power. Until you acknowledge and accept it for what it is, you won't get far in recovery.
     
  4. Sunny321

    Sunny321 Fapstronaut

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    No one else is controlling you. It's really hard to argue with that. Good luck, buddy
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.

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